Visual deficiencies

29th December 2007
Sunday
Visual deficiencies

No, this post is not about any irregular physical conditions. This post is about the tendency of local citizens, namely Singaporeans, to focus more on less than important issues rather than pressing issues that require immediate attention.

Starting off with the festivities. As I mentioned before in many of my posts, celebrating festivities are simply a way of increasing our gross domestic product. Sure, a strong economy is essential for further growth in all other sectors. But money is not everything.

With every festival, energy and raw materials are spent on electricity, decoration and packaging of products. The scale of the celebration of each festival increases every year. With all these materials being depleted at such an increasing rate, it is not surprising that oil prices are steadily on the rise.

Singaporeans have a tendency of ignoring global issues and instead focusing on trivial matters. As seen from STOMP (Straits Times Online Mobile Print), supposedly a lively forum to discuss weighty national issues or latest gossips, people are more interested in which hot babe has the nicest legs, or why ladies spend a long time in the washroom. Sure, it is a friendly and lively discussion. Of unimportant matters, that is.

While people are discussing and coming up with solutions for global issues, our fellow Singaporeans are going gaga over 5 year old children singing canto-pop songs.

It really is not about everyone engaging in discussions over trade agreements, or human rights. It is simply about how people can be making a big fuss over a bus captain wasting 20 mins of the passengers time to confront a teenager who failed to pay the bus fare. Or how a crowded situation at Orchard Road

Is this really the image we will have projected as Singaporeans? In the blog posts of some of our distant cousins in China, we are already being referred to as a third world country. Which is pretty ridiculous since the judgement is based on our mainstream usage of English with local slangs, commonly known as 'Singlish'.

And as usual, one simple statement let slip in a hate blog post targeted at Singaporean blogger Xiaxue, has caused a big hoohah on the net. Personally I have received at least four requests for me to read that entry. And more blogs rebutting that one single statement which was most probably written in spite.

It is ridiculous that people can be so fiercely loyal and yet not giving half a damn about the future of the country. Oh, and not to mention about caring for their fellows.

I stereotype.

Christmas: a realist's view

25th December 2007
Tuesday
Christmas: a realist's view

After weeks of not updating, I have finally decided to do a proper post (now that the effects of alcohol has worn off). Since the last update, I have been clearing my schedules, doing things that I should have done ages ago. That includes going for a dive trip, albeit a local dive, catching up with old classmates and feeling guilty for not practicing. I know the last one sounds ridiculous. If I have the time to feel guilty about it, I should be doing something to change it.

Now's the festive period. Everyone's celebrating Christmas and making merry all over the world. But here I am, changing my MSN nick and sounding like a total Grinch. But it's true ain't it? Christmas is more of an escapade from reality.

Christmas talk about Yule spirit, of giving and sharing, of caring for others usually go unheeded by the masses. Sure, there are acts of sharing during this season like christmas gifts exchanges, performers performing for the public, sending cards to friends and relatives. But what goes unnoticed is the desperate need that the lesser fortunate people has. All the resources that the government and companies have put in for celebrating Christmas can be better utilised in channeling aid to those who really need it. Afterall, Christmas is about sharing right?

With all the pomp you see in town, it really makes me wonder. What is Christmas all about? When I was younger, Christmas was about being with friends and families. And it simply represented the importance of cherishing and thanking the people around you. It came mainly in the form of annual parties and gatherings at people's houses.

Now I look around me and all I can say is that Christmas has become another business opportunity. People are simply out to make money. All the fuss about Christmas, all the publicity through various modes of advertisement, it all amounts to the figures on the financial statement.

Why are we pretending to be joyous people and turning one blind eye, or rather, both eyes blind, to the things we must do? We can party all 12 nights long and still feel empty after the festive season.


Last sunday I went to Pulau Hantu for my leisure dive. Visibility was pretty bad - at around 1m and less. Saw a couple of sea urchins, a crab and some anemone fishes. Nothing really amazing this time round. But it really is a fresh experience for my first local dive. Air consumption was pretty average, 1900psi left for a 30 mins dive. Only unpleasant experience was a inch long scratch on my ring finger caused by a hard coral. Buoyancy control was good, although control of movements could be better.

I was pretty irritated with my buddy floating all over the place and swimming off into the cloudy waters, but things are getting better with each dive. Hope we all do much better at AOWs.


Since New Year resolutions don't work out for me, I'm switching to posing challenges for myself.

New Year Challenges:
Trumpet stuff
1) Extend my range to an A by May on my new embouchure.
2) Master all my major and minor scales by March.
3) Improve my tone to better than before by April.
4) Manage the characteristic studies in the Arbans by August.
5) Improve my sense of pulse by January.
6) Improve articulation clarity by January.
7) Improve articulation speed to clear and even semiquavers in 120 bpm.

Diving stuff
1) Complete AOWs by May.
2) Go for leisure dive in Nov.
3) Improve air consumption rate.
4) Improve mobility underwater.

Other random stuff
1) Maintain my blogging frequency and blog content.
2) Be more active in doing my part for the society.
3) Be more active in conserving the environment.
4) Start exercising regularly.
5) Start sleeping normal hours.
6) Start eating meals regularly.


"Christmas is an overrated festival which simply provides justification for spending money and wasting electricity."
-Han Yong

Clean air?

15th December 2007
Saturday

The air has been really clean and fresh recently. When it is not raining, I can see the lights from far away. And the beam from the lighthouse (I think it's Horsburg Lighthouse) is especially visible from my window right now. Random? But I feel that this is an observation that is worth mentioning considering the amount of pollutants we get in our air these days.

The last time I saw the sky so clear was when I went to Pulau Dayang. And it wasn't all that surprising since the closest city to that island was at least an hour's boat ride away. Naturally, the sky was clear and the air fresh.

It really is refreshing to see the air so clean and everything so clear. Even the mundane orange streetlamps seem so different from its usual state.

I'm stressed out by some stuff, but it doesn't matter.

Dear Santa

11th December 2007
Tuesday
A letter to Santa, a reminder to Man.

Dear Sir,

2007 is coming to an end. 2008 is arriving. Everything seems to be passing so quickly. I hope the climate change does not affect you at the North Pole. Precautions have been taken against Global Warming, which they say is the cause for the melting of the polar caps. I have no idea how serious it is. They say the sea level will be rising in the next decades to come.

I live on an island. To me, this island is a big place to roam about. Everything that I have ever known for the past 18 years is here with me on this island. Yet, the island which seems so big is barely bigger than a dot on the world map. And this dot will vanish from the face of the Earth when the sea level rises. All knowledge of this island will become nothing more than a legend. All of a sudden, I feel like a country bumpkin. I do hope you understand that. It would be the least of my intentions to write a letter which you will find difficult to understand. That would certainly undermine my intentions that are included in this letter.

The world is becoming a horrible place to live in. Floods are destroying property. Famines are taking lives. Diseases are running rampant throughout the population of the entire world. Animals are being slaughtered incessantly. Forests are being fallen without a thought for the latter generations; or the animals and plants that reside in it.

I refuse to believe that this planet that was once full of greenery now lies barren (almost). It is as though the spirits of the land are dying one by one; their painful cries echoing throught the concrete jungles of mankind. Maybe that is happening right now, just that Man is too busily rerouting God's great plan to notice the cries. Afterall, there has been conflicts of ideas between Paganism and Christianity. No, I am not a religious person.

I hear people have been writing to you about their requests, or more specifically, their wishlists. I have always been skeptical about the truth in them claiming that their wishlists were fulfilled. But here am I, writing a letter with you and including my personal wishlist, as well as an envelope of hope that you might be able to fulfil it for me. Ludicrous ain't it? Yesterday, doubting the credibility of your works; Today, writing a request to you.

I would not carry too much hopes in these requests, for I understand that it is impossible to satisfy everyone. Man is a greedy kind indeed.

I wish for global warming to be halted and reversed.
I wish for conflicts to be resolved.
I wish Man will learn his place in the natural world.

If you would just fulfil these 3 requests, I am sure the world would become a better place. The crisis that we face might not affect us directly, but it will certainly have dire consequences on the generations to come. It might be good news for you though, if the population starts dying.

Thank you for your time to read this letter, I hope the situation will improve in the near future. If not, we are all going to have to learn to sail.

Yours sincerely,
Han Yong

Setbacks; one after another

9th December 2007
Sunday
Setbacks; one after another

Here I am, in front of the laptop thinking about how easy it is to lose sight of your goals. Due to distractions, setbacks and more distractions, I realised that I have already lost sight of mine. What was I searching for when I started down this path? Did I dream it would be an easy fight? Well, after encountering setbacks one after another, I really am at a loss.

Life is not fair. Life can be in balance, but it will never be fair. Is life a learning journey? If so, what happens to the knowledge you gain by the end of the journey. Is life the training phase which our souls go through to attain enlightenment? If so, what happens to the free-thinkers?

Usually I leave religions out of my blog posts since not everyone can agree to the same views, and I have no intention of being arrested for my blog content. Although I do have certain views on some religions here in my country.

I pray that the report on Wednesday turns out fine.

"Somethings on my mind are best left unsaid."
-Han Yong

Thresholds

2nd December 2007
Sunday
Limitations of the human physique.

Ouch. I feel as though a train slammed right through my head. My temples are throbbing and my eyes losing focus every now and then. What might have caused this intense headache? Is it a sign of a imminent mental breakdown?

I feel that I have really grown a lot within this year. From a person who only cared about what happens 12 hours later, I have changed into someone who ponders about what happens 12 years down the road. Also, I realised that I have learnt to think things deeply before taking action. That is a sign of my warwardness being changed.

But is that always a good thing? I feel burdened with more worries than my peers. I feel tied down by what-ifs. I become skeptical of the dreams, and life; since life and dreams are interwined. I start viewing life in a cynical manner, tending to focus on the feasibilities of a task before reflecting on my motivation to complete it.

Am I being a realist, or am I being a cynic? Sometimes I really wonder about that...

"Dreams are the essence of our lives. Or is life the essence of our dreams?"
-Han Yong

'You're not the only one with issues!'

28th November 2007
Wednesday
'You're not the only one with issues!'

Sure enough, another obstacle runs right into my path, like an angry bull, trying to chase me down and put a hole or two in my gut. By now, I should have enough experiences with obstacles right? Afterall, my life is one hurdles event; obstacles one after another, trying to throw me down onto the floor.

Turning around, I see a path strewn with the remnants of previous hurdles. I see forks that led to some place else. Strangly, those forked paths seemed undisturbed; as though time itself was frozen there. On the main path, a trail of debris ran behind me. My past was in turmoil, just as I had expected it. Straight ahead, the road was bare, with more forks leading to different places. Somehow, this scene reminded me of a river's distributaries.


How many of us has this problem of a turbulent history of failures; a history of wrong choices? Refer back to the video 'Tickle me Emo' on Youtube where the small boy cries out, "you're not the only one with issues!"

What do you hear in the background? Laughter. Like I mentioned in my previous post about laughter, sometimes people just prefer to laugh off any insecurities rather than facing them upfront. We all make mistakes. But we never own up to them willingly. Even as a thief confesses to his crime, it is also a compelled choice made by the forces of guilt within him.

Freedom of choice is never really free. Life is not liberal. You have no say over the course of actions you take and the course of actions that others take against you. You will indefinitely be affected by many factors, physical and psychological alike. So what is freedom of choice really?

Up to this point, I realised that I have strayed from my original topic on coping with issues. Everyone has issues. At different stages of our life, our issues will be different. A pre-school kid has issues that might seem insignificant to a working adult. A retired civil servant might face issues which seems ridiculous to teenagers. Dealing with issues is a personal thing.

Not many people can cope with their issues, be it family problems, relationships, career, studies, whatever. I can't deal with mine effectively. As a reaction to this issues that I face, subconciously, I seek ways to evade and hide from them. But what I do understand is that issues have to be resolved and decisions have to be made.

Recently, I have become pretty selfish because of my issues. And irresponsible too. Somehow, I hope everything will just end on a pleasant chord.

"You can't live life as freely as what you might like to believe"
-Han Yong

P.S. I think my blog is a depressing place to visit.

Etiquette

25th November 2007
Sunday
Useless? Or simply used less?

Just now during dinner, my mum mentioned about the way I was using my spoon and fork and said something about it being wrong. Then she dragged my dining etiquette courses from 3 years ago into the picture. "You went for the course, never learn meh?"

Sure, I learnt about all these stuff. But who actually uses it? 'Scoop the soup outwards gently on the surface for western dining, inwards for chinese.' 'Sit straight and bring the food to you, not lean towards the food.' 'Chew with mouth closed.' 'Pass sauces to your right.'

We all know about it. Yet who in the right mind will apply it in real life? In modern day Singapore, if you eat politely in a 'correct' manner at a coffeeshop, my best guess would be people staring at you with weird looks. And I do mean weird looks.

Why are we learning about etiquette then? The way I see it, it is to prepare you for weird events in your life. Like an interview dinner. Or maybe a $50,000 a seat gala dinner. How often will we experience that? Maybe once in two lifetimes. And when it really does happen, how much will we be able to recall from our short 4 hour course from fifteen years back?

Okay. So it might be useful. Who came up with this crap anyway? The joy of eating comes from the taste of the food, and the knowledge that you will be alive for another day. Not from how well you look and how silently you can cut up that piece of medium-rare steak on your dining plate. If you are going to have good food, why crack your head over the procedures in looking good for others?

"That which is used less might not be useless."
-Han Yong

Life is tough

22nd November 2007
Thursday
Life is tough

Shoot me for saying that line. Life is tough and we all know it. No matter how we try to evade that fact, we know it deep down that it is true. We can delude ourselves and live in the present, feigning ignorance of the future. We can tell ourselves that the boat will eventually be straight when reaching the pier. But in our hearts, we know the truth.

How many of us has wondered what life would be like 5 years down the road? Will we have a bearing already, or will we be lost among the other 50,000 fresh graduates searching for a job? If we truly sit down and start planning a future for ourselves, I think it is logical to be paranoid. With increased competition for jobs and limited opportunities, I see only a hazy image of the future.

"Leave it for tomorrow. Study hard for now and you will get a good job in the future." Sounds familiar? Well, study hard and get what job? If everyone is living by that line, will there be enough jobs for everyone assuming that they all study hard?

"Doing what you love might be tougher than doing what you hate."
-Han Yong

Blogging as a therapy

20th November 2007
Tuesday
Self help?

Blogging has been around for a few years now. And somehow, blogs usually outlast the blogger. When the blogging bug hit the net a couple of years back, everyone was scrambling for the nearest blog provider, dying to create a online platform for themself. It was more of a 'keeping up with fashion' thing at that time.

But as time goes by, the craze dies off. And the blog that was once so regularly updated now resides in a address that no one visits anymore. The traffic counter that used to jump once every few minutes stay stagnant at 2093. Still, some blogs managed to survive the beatings of time and their owners always returned after a period of neglect.

After a short period of not blogging, I am finally back. During my absence, much has happened. Band camps, friends admitted to hospital, grocery shopping. My life has been in a totally random mood. Nothing like a roller coaster. More like a hurricane. My brain juice is really running dry these days. Nothing seems to come to mind when I pick up the pen, or when I set my fingers on the keyboard.


Anyone want to cook pasta with me?

Love, Life and Logic

14th November 2007
Tuesday
Love, Life and Logic

The air-conditioning unit whirled noisily. The only few sounds present in my room came from my father's friend who is staying over for the night. The sound of fabric rubbing against fabric. The ruffling of hair and the occasional clearing of throat. The rapid tapping of the keys on the keyboard disrupted what was left of the still night. Yet, the street is quiet. Not a single vehicle drives by.

In the calmness of the night, the gears of logic grinded noisily in my head. Friction between multiple forces made me wince in pain. The more I thought about it, the more I am certain that certain factors in my life is in conflict. The simplicity of the wicked problem blinds me even in the inky depths of my memory. Will one solution simply lead into another problem?

I believe that a complete life is made up of 3 portions. Love, Life and Logic.

Love represents passion. For a person, for an object, for a place, for an activity. It can be anything. Love encompasses all beings and resides within all. If this element is missing, you can be said to be living life without a goal.

Life represents social circles. Remember how people used to mock others for having 'no life' if the only thing they did was studying? That is the definition of life. Life represents the social circles of people around you and the fair portioning of time for multiple activities. Like a chain, one link is related to another. Thus, if one link is much bigger than another, the chain is cannot be formed properly. Life is one such chain.

Lastly, logic is the factor that gives an individual its individuality. Logic is defined as the understanding of reason. Logic gives us thinking capabilities and provides us with a platform for organising coherent thoughts.

And currently, my life is in conflict with my love, and my logic in a lock. How will I place my priorities? Now I finally understand how Ivanhoe felt. Loyalty or love? How could he make such a decision?

"Love, Life, and Logic exists in one big triangle. "
-Han Yong

Uncertain laughters

8th November 2007
Wednesday
Uncertain laughters

The blanket was a foot too short to cover from toe to chin. I decided to compensate by curling into a half foetal position with my body snuggly huddled under the blankets. Around me were my friends. The room was dark, and the sole television set was playing a movie that had been rented an hour ago. The silence was broken by another bout of laughter as I twisted the conversations in the movie into something else other than the intended meaning.

It felt good to have laughters around. Laughters eased tension and masked awkwardness with a light hearted feel. How friendships can be forged through jokes and ridicules baffle me. By building on an uncertainty with a fake composure, how can a firm relationship be established?

It is always easier to laugh it off than to face the truth. How will one react to a satire? Laugh it off and fail to read the underlying statement or take it as an insult? Laughing off things is a way to avoid responsibilities and appear to be treating a subject half as seriously as it should be properly treated.

Jokes are often one sided; the teller usually giving up his own ego to entertain and humour the audience. Much as we like to hear jokes, we dislike telling them. Joking has become an act frowned upon by many. Despite the demeaning glares cast by the people around the 'jokers', these 'jokers' still carry on having themself as a source of entertainment, or to some, a disturbance.

Even the term 'Joker' is now widely taken to mean someone who tries to be funny. What else should a person who cracks jokes be called? A joke-cracker? That sounds more like a type of cracker to me.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Musician
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Social Nerd
Anime Nerd
Drama Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Literature nerd? Wow. Literature sounds nice. Nerd sounds weird.

Anyway, I managed to install Symantec Antivirus and Microsoft Office already. My laptop was affected by a trojan and I had to format it to get rid of the trojan. Alas, all my programs were gone and I had to drop by the school's IT helpdesk to get my stuff back.

Life's been pretty rough and I can't help but worry about my future. At this juncture in time, all seems bleak.

No man is a sea

5th November 2007
Sunday
No man is a sea

No man is a sea. What does that mean? I am sure most of you have heard the phrase "no man is an island" which means that Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. But then again, if you try too hard to encompass everyone, you will only end up hurting yourself. Especially if you hold too high an expectation for yourself. If you must accomodate everyone around you, you only end up stretching yourself too far.

I am supposed to be practicing now. But with my dear niece sleeping in the living room, how can I practice without risking waking her up? Thus I forgo my afternoon practice. Will I end up hurting myself for trying to give in to too many people? In the morning, I refrain from practicing because my brother is sleeping. In the afternoon, its my niece. I wonder who's next.

Somehow the conflict of being considerate and over encompassing never fails to draw me into the crossfire. Will I sacrifice my practices for the people around me? Or should I sacrifice the people around me for my practices?

"It hurts so badly when you fail to live up to your expectations."
-Han Yong

Pride of writing: My studio of thoughts

1st November 2007
Thursday
Pride of writing

Some of you might have noticed that I have changed my blog title to Studio of Thoughts. This might be due to a change in thinking. Since I started writing, I have always taken my blog as a platform for people to find out about my life. But how many people actually care about what I was doing at x.xxpm on the xxth of September, 200x? I think watching a snail crawl across the path is more interesting. After 4 years of blogging, and having various conflicts within my blog, I realise that what kept me going was showcasing my thoughts. Not my daily tasks.

Showcase. Or in simplified terms, showing off. I believe we are born with brains and a personality. How we choose to use our brains are decided by our personality. I used to be afraid of the people around me. I feared they might use whatever information they could find about me against me. So, my blog posts were heavily censored to block out any personal information and delivering only content which I deemed to be objective.

However, I understand that nobody is interested in my life. Simply because they have no motive to be. Now I blog with less censorships, less restrictions, random topics, and delivering subjective content. I am much more confident about my personality as compared to 4 years ago when I first started. Now I blog with the belief that a diary records thoughts. Not about how many slices of bread you had at Cafe Cartel, or how many servings of steaks you ate.

You might or might not agree with my posts. But that doesn't matter. This is a haven for my thoughts. A sample of my school of philosophy. It doesn't matter if no one reads this (although it is always encouraging to know that you have loyal readers.) And it doesn't matter if no one cares about what goes on in my head (no one cares anyway.)

Am I being seen as arrogant now? Well, I don't know. There is always a tension between preserving your public image and conserving your philosophical identity. What I simply want to do with this platform is to be true to my thoughts and deliver them in its rawest form to the reader.

I enjoy the art of writing. But perhaps I enjoy the art of thinking even more.

Maybe that explains why I am always seeking a good debate over issues that commands different ideas from people. In a way, you get to think critically and force yourself to adopt multiple perspectives of an issue that you thought only possible in one. Also, if it is a forum debate, you get to exercise your language skills as well.

Writing is the link between the writer and the reader's soul. Whilst delivering information to the reader, a writer can effectively stir up emotions and memories in the reader. And the reader can in turn give their gratitude by replying to the writer.


Lately, I have been seeing more than just a handful of friends getting 'emo'. It may be over work related stuff, relationships, friends, hobbies, academics, or other commitments. It reminds me that when being emo affects the people around you. There is no cure for being emotionally vulnerable. But having a strong self confidence greatly helps in staying sane.

Read this for tips on building self confidence.

And this for a really cool version of wikipedia.

"No man is a sea."
-Han Yong

Blogging about nothing

26th October 2007
Saturday
Blogging about nothing

Usually when people blog, they have in mind something to write. But what happens when nothing comes to mind? On such occasions, such as this one, you just click open the new post page, start off with your usual dates and titles and stuff and just type whatever comes to your mind. If you are lucky, words will start flowing. If not, cross your fingers and pray that the words will flow soon.

Everyone encounters Writers' Blocks. Even the author of best selling novels happen to have days where no words flow from their pens. Even so, you have to do what you have to do. As a writer, you have the responsibility of feeding your readers with fresh new works regularly. Even if it is a short passage of only a few lines.

Some people might retort to blogging about their personal feelings about someone or something that happened during the day. Others might prefer to focus on a obscure topic which have manage to evade the spotlight until now. Some might just go on and on about stuff that are not of importance.

There isn't anything big happening today except that I had a pretty weird dream last night. It is fascinating how dreams can defy all forms of logic.

I was in a lift with my former girlfriend and a huge crowd of old classmates. Then some JC students tried to squeeze into the lift, causing the lift to overload. The 'intruders' tried again and again to get on the lift. Getting pretty annoyed, my ex stormed out of the lift with a group of people and went to take the LRT. The lift went up, and I got out and hopped onto another train with the intention of chasing my ex. Somehow the ride ended up in a HDB block and I entered a plain looking flat. I went in and a guy tried to beat me up. And I got into a pretty serious fight with him that ended with me smashing his head into the wall and breaking his neck. My brother called the ambulance and police and carried on watching TV. My whole family was there, but none of them seem bothered by what was happening. After the murder, I simply switched on my laptop and blogged about some stuff (the contents were pretty fuzzy, I can't remember).

Weird? I guess that's an understatement. Heh. I probably had too much knowledge from Chee Hao in the evening.



Well then. In one of my lectures, my lecturer mentioned that the world is governed by physical laws and we will be concerned with 3 laws in this module (mechanics of flight). So a random thought comes to my mind (as always). What happens if one of these laws is broken?

Newton's second law of motion. F=ma. Everyone is pretty familiar with this formula right? What if suddenly, it is discovered that force is equivalent to the product of mass and acceleration for cases, but there are occasions where the force is not equivalent to the product of mass and acceleration.

How will the modern world react? Will all our schools of mechanics suddenly falter and fail? Will our scientists of today despair and abandon hundreds of years of research? Will mankind revert back to the stone age and slowly redefine every single law that has ever been discovered?


In the wake of such thoughts, I am compelled to compare this turmoil with our daily life. We are so used to taking things for granted and if one day, one element of our life disappeared. What will we be? The air-conditioning unit that we rely on every day. The newspaper that is widely available all over the country. What happens if one day, they went missing? Will the traffic run as usual? Will work still carry on? Will that ba chor mee vendor still sell his ba chor mee?

In life, nothing is certain. Life does not have a 3 year warranty to fall back on if anything goes wrong with it. Even if someting goes wrong, you have to live with it. That includes the planet we live on. For how many centuries have Man taken their homes for granted? Global warming now stands at our doorsteps with a warrant to confiscate our homes. Forget all those charts and bar graphs that you see on documentaries. Feel the air around you. Notice the increase in temperature? Recently, the increase have been so obvious that you can even feel the heat from within an air-conditioned room.

The end of this age is near. Make full use of your remaining time and eat a few more bowls of laksa before the end hits.

"Life does not have a 3 year warranty to fall back on if anything goes wrong."
-Han Yong

Is a bad post of a good blog considered a good post?

Thursday
25th October 2007
Is a bad post of a good blog considered a good post?

For the general public who reads my blog occasionally, I apologise for the senseless rambling and swearing that I have been posting up ever so regularly. Life really gets to me sometimes. But there are the other times where I decide to hang back a little and do a bit of random thinking. Here's something that has been sticking around the insides of my head for a bit.

Is a bad post of a good blogger considered a good post? And vice versa, is a good post of a bad blogger considered a bad post?

Well, most of the time, people classify the people they know into good and bad. We have been taught to do things this way since young. Similarly, things that we come into contact with are also split into black or white, tall or short, fat or thin, good or bad, nice or awful, beneficial or harmful.

One day, you stumble upon a blog that is owned by a blogger who uses powerful english, writes with a distinct personal style and writes about interesting content. Instinctively, you give him a big G. (G for GOOD.) And you decide to stick his blog in your favourites tab. Each week you check back his blog and reads about interesting stuff such as politics, ironic comments, life philosophies, dumb relationships, short stories, etc. But one fateful day, you click on his link, and you find this latest post a load of crap. His grammar is all wrong, his sentence structures are worse than a 4-year-old kid (3-years-old is too common already), and worst of all, even a technical paper on how the propulsion system of a V2-Rocket works is more interesting than the content of his post.

You spend 27 minutes reading through this piece of junk which comprises of 576 randomly placed words and wonder why do you even bother reading his blog. Then you notice his link in your favourites tab. And you remind yourself that this person is a good writer with interesting comments. And so you battle with yourself whether this is considered a good post, or is it just a jumble of crap.

Interestingly, while you were trying to grade his latest post, you read an acquaintance's blog who is reknowned for being totally mundane and crappy. You notice that his latest post is one that catches your attention immediately and keeps you attached to the screen for 13 minutes. In this 13 minutes, you are ready to slap another G-grade on this post. But you suddenly remember that this post belongs to a B-grade blog (B for BAD). And so you question yourself whether this is considered a good post, or is it just a lucky break for a B-grade writer.


What is it that makes you decide whether a post is G-grade or B-grade? Is it the place where it is posted at? Or is it the individual post that counts? Can a writer who has been plaguing his blog with junk suddenly come up with a wonderful post? Is it possible that someone who has been a straight A's student suddenly produce a post that manages to bore 99.52% of his audience half to tears?


Hmm. And after all these, I wonder if this post is a bad post of a good blog or a good post of a bad blog. (Btw most of this post is written in a second person narrative style.)

"Why is it always Black or White, and not Black and White?"
-Han Yong

The truth about lying about the truth

21st October 2007
Sunday
The truth about lying about the truth.

I really am pretty selfish I guess. For my own benefits, I am even willing to leave others in the lurch and turn my back on them. Well, it is human to be selfish, no? Even with all that past posts against self pity, I still manage to find ways to get by by resolve. And again posting more posts with content which fails to address the problems that stand right in front of me. What problems? Well, if only I could answer this question, maybe I will find my selfishness justified.

Self justification. Yet another way to conceal my failure in judgements. To deceive my self into believing that the selfishness was needed. Studies is more important. Do I really believe in that? Since when have I treated studies with importance? I conceal the truth with lies. And I conceal those lies with the truth I want to believe. This post might well be one of the lies I create to hide my truths.

Yiyang, Weiren, and the other few who always describe me to be someone I am not. I find myself unworthy of the praises you guys bestow on me. Because I am not the person you think I am. If I can do those things you guys have mentioned before, I would gladly accept those praises. But it isn't true! Stop treating me like someone high up. Because right now, I am at rock bottom. The more you guys raise my hope, the harder the fall will be. I have fallen enough times. I am afraid to fall again. Who knows whether I will be able to climb back up onto my feet the next time I fall.

No I am not breaking down.

I am not bursting with depression.

Nor am I agitated.

Perhaps I am demoralised.

Perhaps my belief has been jousted.

Christine, you said that you felt that I want to put studies first. Is that true? I do not have a response to to that statement. Maybe subconciously I feel the need for my studies to act as a cover for my mistakes. Studies is the easiest excuse one can get to cover up any mistakes. But if you lie to yourself too much, you will end up believing that the lie is the truth. Is that happening to me now? Am I taking a lie as the truth? Or am I taking the truth as a lie?

I am baffled. At 2.52am in the morning, I read my words over and over again, hoping to see some real reason behind my decisions.

Am I questioning the morality of my actions? Yes I suppose I am. I suppose I am looking for excuses by consulting others. "Maybe someone will give me a excuse for why I am behaving like that." Am I thinking that? Or maybe it goes along the lines of "I hope someone will kick me between the legs and push me back to where I should be." Hopeful? Delusioned? Pure dumbness?

Am I facing my demons now, or am I simply adding another demon to their ranks? In trying to face my past, am I forcing myself to see a future? By showing myself a possible future, am I hoping to forget the past? By believing that the life is simply a lie, am I deluding myself of my identity?

How many years have I been seeking excuses? "Everything run according to Murphy's law." "People seek to bar me from my dreams." "I feel like a bird trapped in a cage." "The balance is wrong." Even when trying to be true to myself, I lie. Whether it is lying to myself, or to others. The fact is that a lie is a lie.

On the topic of lies, how sure are we that we are not living in a lie? Maybe the transparency we learnt about in Social Studies were a part of a big lie. Maybe the government is lying about their policies and the fairness in the courts are part of an even bigger lie. How can we be sure that the truths that we know as the truth are really truths?

How sure are we that non-fiction is not really fiction being portrayed as non-fiction?

Liars go to hell. Well, that might well be a lie of its own. Maybe they lied about going to hell. Maybe all the liars went to heaven. And because they didn't want too many people in heaven, they lied about going to hell.

"Whoever said heaven was a good place? Maybe they lied too."
-Han Yong

Pangseh week.

18th October 2007
Thursday
Murfee's Lawl.

Notice how some days just feel like everything is going wrong? Well, this week felt like Murphy's week to me. Everything is abiding Murphy's law like a good elementary school kid. Thinking positively, at least I have lots of things to rant and complain and get angry over. But it really upsets my schedule. Especially when you have people changing your appointments at the last minute.

My week has been pretty screwed up. Lots of tantrum throwing and complaining done over the past couple of days. The amount of things going wrong really baffles me. Well, I guess life really does follow through with Murphy's Law.

My timetable for this semester is a big Joke with a capital J. I will be with 4 differen classes for 3 different modules. And the best part is that my cohort has only 4 classes. What a great chance to study with all 4 classes during 1 semester! NOT. When I realised that fact, I was dumbfounded. Not only had I days with only 1 hour of lessons, I had to cope with studying with 4 different groups of people. And that is excluding my Events Management class.

Weird? Now look at this.

This week I have at least 5 cases of people cancelling a scheduled meeting at the last minute. I feel like a fool for looking forward to these appointments. Then when I am all ready to attend the appointments, they inform me that they cannot make it and arrange for another date. Same goes for tomorrow's fishing session. After borrowing the rod, they tell me that they going clubbing tomorrow night and not going to fish anymore.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And I do hope that Murphy's Law goes wrong this time.

School's back on Monday

13th October 2007
Saturday

What a random evening. I have my previous tuition teacher suddenly calling me and asking if I am at Xinmin for some Alumni stuff. Then after a little bit of chatting, I found out that she was also from Xinmin! Such a small world. But it is kind of weird that it took me more than 3 years to find out.

Well, Xinmin has a long history. And with hundreds of students graduating each year, I find it hard to walk on the streets without bumping into someone who has either graduated from there or knows someone from there. And as always, I am proud of being from there.

Well, this blog post is long overdue. Time to write something which might interest you I hope. I guess this post will be one long summary of the entire holiday.

To start things off, here is something to entertain you. Watch the video and then continue reading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fS9--cmJUmI

Cool?

Right. Back to my post.

School is starting on monday. After a 2 months break. Wow! Two months! Are you guys envious or what? But speaking truthfully, a long holiday is a bad thing. Firstly, you lose out on the few scraps of new knowledge that you know you will not be using. Secondly, you lose out on that cute girl which you always meet on the bus. Thirdly, you have one less reason to stick out your hand and ask for pocket money. Last on the negative list is the upset of balance within the body. Notice how day turns to night and night turns to day during holidays?

Sounds bad? Nevertheless, holidays are good opportunities to work and learn new stuff and make new friends. Holidays are good for clearing all the dramas and animes that you have downloaded but do not have the time to watch them. (One thing to take note of though, the dramas and anime will never get cleared completely. As you finish watching one title, another title is in your download list. The cycle keeps going on and on. And soon, your PC will be running out of space.)


My dive buddy is back from China! Now we can look at more diving trips, and hopefully a dive at the Singapore Underwater World with the sharks or dugong. I heard its a hell lot of fun there. But it is expensive as well. Sheesh. Why does my interests always have to be so taxing on my wallet?

I seriously can't get enough of the sea, so now I am into fishing as well! Maybe I will stick on with this new hobby, or maybe it will die out. I have no idea about how it will turn out. But fishing is fun! Even when nothing bites, it still is a great way to hang out with buddies with a pack of cold beer to go along.



During the holidays, I have become some sort of a counsellor to a few of my friends. It was okay in the beginning, but as time went by, my positiveness (which friends would know I have quite a small quantity of it) seem to have been drained by all the gloomy stuff I heard. Now I understand how frustrating it was for my friends to see me with a constant negative value for mood. No matter how much sunshine you pour into them, it just gets sucked in like a black hole. And the black hole just keep on sucking more out of you.


Well, over the past few days, I have made a realisation that whatever happened in the past happened in the past. And if we allow the past to be brought into the present, then we would be living in the past. Not the present. So in order to be living in the present, we have to let go of our past. But that is again in conflict with what we were taught. 饮水思源. It means that you remember the sources of the water as you drink it. (In other words, being thankful for your past.) Conflict?

Holidays are ending soon. I still cannot get that statement out of my head. If there is a hot chick in my class, I would be more than willing to get back to school. Problem is, there isn't any. No, I am not complaining about the girls in my class here. They are wonderful people. But not my type.

Oh, did I mention that I went to the library twice this month? No, not to pay fines. To borrow books. And I managed to grab hold of a copy of "Tuesdays with Morrie." Really interesting book. It totally lived up to my expectations after hearing so much about it. So, here's my recommended book of the week.

Tuesdays with Morrie
Morrie's are the most basic lessons, but in a world full of cynicism, consumerism, and disenfranchised people, they need to be given again and again: Take time to stare out the window instead of at your computer screen. Laugh. It's natural to die. Love is how you stay alive. The lessons he give are simple. Yet many of us do not realise the importance of it.

Taken from a CNN book review:

"Tuesdays with Morrie" (TWM) is more than just a dying man's last words. It is an inspirational recount of a man's life -- a man whose passion for the human spirit has continued to live long after his last breath.

Some of Morrie's greatest insights are his views on how our culture plays into our lives. He spent his life creating his own culture, listening to his heart and doing what was right for him, versus what was right by society's standards. One problem he sees is that we tend to see each other as dissimilar rather than alike. We are taught to be independent and unique, but in reality we all have the same needs. He emphasizes investment in people, not things. When all is said and done, we will be
remembered not by our bank accounts or stock portfolios, but by the time we
spent listening to a friend or helping a family member.

Take a look around you and breathe in deep. You live only for the moment.

Oh, and quit staring at the computer screen. You have a life to get on with.

Empire of the Sun

8th October 2007
Monday

How long has it been since my last update? Quite long I suppose.

I just finished watching "Empire of the Sun" and I must say, it really is a nice movie. Moving away from all the usual Hollywood blockbusters gives movies a fresh feel. Although the movie was made 20 years ago, the simplicity of it still manages to captivate the audience.

Here's a short synopsis of the film. Empire of the Sun is a movie about a child growing up within the period of World War II in China. The film follows his journey through the rough times as he ventures from his home to the internment camps. It provides a glimpse of the war through the eyes of a maturing boy.

Time off practicing.

3rd October 2007
Wednesday

My lips are not exactly in the best condition today. Somehow pitching is all over the place and slurs are pretty messed up. I need more practice. So I will not be updating for a while now.

Be back when I be back.

Dreams

29th September 2007
Saturday
my fear of losing the things I loved

I woke up late today. And I do mean late. I took a look at my handphone and saw that it was 6.20pm already. And I had a couple of messages asking if I was going for band today. By the time I read the message, band had already ended. So I just deleted the message.

During my fifteen hour slumber, I had a weird dream. Something that goes along the line of walking from a hotel to the airport with an extremely heavy backpack on my shoulders. I was walking to the brink of exhaustion. My legs refused to move and I had to struggle to take another step.

Somehow I made it to a hawker centre and met up with a busload of friends there. There, I realised my trumpets were swapped and I had a Bb trumpet (Yamaha Student model) and cornet (looked like a Besson cornet) in my bag that does not belong to me. So I went to a small wooden house that was still under renovation to look for a man who was holding on to my instrument. I found him and got back my instrument. Then I woke up.

Weird dream. But the dream sort of represented my desire to travel and my fear of losing the things I loved. I remember opening the backpack and finding it filled with books. Maybe it is a sign that I am being tied down by the education.

"Language of the subconcious - Dreams"
-Han Yong

A Solemn Mid-Autumn Festival

25th September 2007
Tuesday
Tired after a hard day of work

Mid-autumn festival is a traditional festival to celebrate the abundance of the summer's harvest. It is usually celebrated with mooncakes and pomelos being consumed. In recent years, lantern carrying has become popular with the children. And as such, the Mid-autumn festival has also been known as the Lantern Festival or Mooncake Festival particularly in Singapore and Malaysia.

The Mid-autumn Festival this year has a certain solemn mood to it. Maybe it is a sign of maturing. Or maybe everyone is just tired after a hard day of work.

Speaking of work. This job (the one mentioned in previous post) is really slack. Most of the time I was reading my book. And after lunch, we even had time to go out for a movie! What jobs can you find that allows you to roam about freely for 6 hours without restriction?

I have been neglecting my practices again. But free buzzing on my way home at night. I hope it counts as a bit of practice. Free buzzing is something that I still cannot control very well even after so many years of playing the trumpet. Also, I have not been attending band practices very regularly these days. I think this thursday after work I might just pop by Ngee Ann band again. Hopefully, at my current level, I will be able to enjoy the band practice like before.

Gratification in Rectification

24th September 2007
Monday

Monday blues... Not! Surprisingly, working with young kids are not that scary after all. And it really is easy money. Not exactly easy, but in comparison with the NJRC, this children's day special is considerably relaxing.

If you have not heard yet, I am currently working with the Singapore Science Centre for the Children Day special event. Everyday, hundreds of pre-school children and primary school children come through the doors of the annex building in great anticipation. And my job is to make sure that they get through the activities planned for them smoothly.

Trumpet playing has never been more gratifying. Ever since I started working seriously on my trumpet, each praise or remark has really made me beam with pride! Because I know I have work hard for each comment. Whether good or bad, it does not really matter. What matters is that the comment reflects truthfully on my progress.


Also, I went to the library again. But not to pay my fines (refer to previous posts). I went there to scour for new reads. And here am I to recommend a particular author by the name of David Ambrose.

This author is incredibly talented at twisting the storyline in various methods that blows you away completely with every turn that he makes. His books are short (about 300 pages) but the quality of it cannot be judged by the length of the story. Short, simple and direct. No lucridous attempts to spice up the story.

In short, David Ambrose is a writer whose works I would recommend for readers who like mystery, thrillers and works that challenge the limits of human imagination.


Ms Fish spent some time talking to me online yesterday. Topic mainly being second chances. And I would like to dedicate this section of my post to her (and also as a reminder to myself). The following materials are extracted from past entries written by me.

Do you believe in giving second chances to others? Do you believe in accepting second chances?

When a person gives you a second chance, it does not mean that everyone else has done the same thing.

If you insist on reading and re-reading the chapter that has ended, you will never discover what the next chapter has in store for you.

Even if wounds leave scars, they still heal.

"It is so much easier to run from the truth than face the truth."
-Han yong

Crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain.

19th September 2007
Wednesday
"Hello, my name is 小强, how do you do?"

My schedule says I am supposed to meet Jun Sheng at Novena at 11.45am. My watch tells me I am at Seng Kang at 11.20am. My brain tells me I will be late. Again. Crap. I will try to make appointments at a later time. Any meetings before 1pm and I will most probably screw up and be late again. All thanks to a nocturnal lifestyle.

Just last night, I had another visitor who came uninvited. At about 3am, I saw something through the gap between my door and the floor. And a cockroach crawled in and made itself comfortable under my table. Why is there a cockroach in my house?! Not only was the cockroach in my house, the cockroach was in my ROOM. Damn. Of all places, my room. What if the cockroach decided to plop itself into my mouth while I was sleeping? The mere thought of it sends shudders down my spine. Cockroaches are one of the most revolting insects ever existed.

Anyway, the National Library Board sent me a letter. It was a really random thing as I had nothing to do with the NLB. So I opened the letter, not knowing what to expect. Then I saw it. A reminder for outstanding library fines. I shifted my attention to the figures printed on the letter and the total amount due was $1.50.

$1.50. And how does that amount to sending a letter reminding me to pay up? I mean, $1.50 can just cover the cost of the postage, paper and ink. Where is the logic in spending x dollars to get back x dollars? I suppose the next thing I will be finding in my letterbox will be a court summon for the $1.50 I owe.


Here is something which you guys might find interesting: Crushed cockroaches can be applied to a stinging wound to help relieve the pain.
Think ulcer. Figure that out.

"Pay your fines regularly."
-Han Yong

19th September 2007
Tuesday

I have been "pang seh-ed" by my tutor! Kind of unexpected, but what can I say? "Oh it's alright. We'll arrange it for another day then." And so, my lesson for today has been put off till some other day. Not confirmed yet. Happy? Sad? Well, maybe just frustrated. For three weeks without a lesson with Smith, I have been looking forward to this lesson. I need comments and instructions on how to practice and improve. On the other hand, a reschedule of my lesson means that I have more time to practice! My scales are really not there yet. So does the pros outweigh the cons, or is it the other way round?

For the Philwinds and Boston Brass concert, I am supposed to help Shirin distribute tickets and collect money from the Philyouth people. So just now, I met up with her and received $308 worth of concert tickets. That might be peanuts to some of you out there, but to me, $308 is enough to make me cuss a month's worth of vulgarities. I better keep the tickets well. Losing it will be last thing I want happening.

Booze beat the blues

18th September 2007
Tuesday

Late at night, early in the morning. What is the difference? Both refer to the same thing - the hour where the world sleeps. Everything is quiet. There is no disturbance in the still night save an occasional vehicle. But a shuffle breaks the tranquility of the night. Who goes there? One lone man walks down the road, paying no heed to the ghosts that haunt him.

Who is this man? What is he doing here at this hour? A bartender closing down for the night stares at this stranger in disbelief. There was something special about him. A deep sadness exuded from within him. A desolated soul, ready to tarnish anything cheery. But the man walks on, unhindered by the bartender.

Bus stops after bus stops he passed, with no destination in mind. It seemed as though his ghosts had possessed him. But how could that be? Ghosts of memories had no spiritual powers. Memories were just memories. Ghosts of the past have no say in the making of the present. And the man walked on, paying no attention to the minutes that were slipping into hours.

Dawn approaches steadily. The man was still walking. *Beep* Instinctively, he reached into his coat pocket and drew out his cell phone. 'One message received.' Carrying on with his aimless wandering, he absent minded-ly read the message.

With a nimble flick of his fingers, he slid the cell phone back into the coat pocket. He picked up his pace and headed off into the night, leaving behind a faint scent of alcohol and a ring he accidentally dropped.

After a whole evening of relaxing, I am finally back at home. My scales are not fully prepared, my method books are not photocopied, my Arban exercises are practiced only around two thirds or so, my buzzing exercises are not as fluent as I would like them to be. My lesson is tomorrow. So please tell me whether I am screwed, or I am screwed. I know I asked for it myself. I had the time, I had the practice venue. But I chose to do something else rather than practice. But I guess it is inevitable.

Without this much needed break, I will surely break. Finally I had my dose of booze to beat the blues. And also today's outing really brought back some ghosts of the past. Ghosts that I have been trying so hard to banish, especially these days. Thanks to Ms Fish, I made it clear to myself about some matters that I have been especially muddle headed about. Life should be much simpler from now on.

As for the above "narrative", as some would call it, I have no idea how it will be heading. Most probably it will end up in the trash can again along with my other "half-baked" ideas. But at least it is something to keep my mind on along with my trumpet.

"Ghosts of the past have no say in the making of the present."
-Han Yong

Lovely Pictures on the Bay

14th September 2007
Friday
Lovely Pictures on the Bay

SSO played Pictures today. (SSO stands for Singapore Symphony Orchestra and Pictures is just short for Pictures at an Exhibition) They did quite well for the piece. Just that the sound texture was not quite to my liking at parts. But overall, a pretty impressive performance. Intonation problems from the first two pieces were pretty much solved.

I managed to haul my trumpet over to Windworks a couple of days back and Yoke Lim inspected my instrument and the problematic valve cap. The fault turn out to be one on the manufacturers part. But after some knocking, the cap can now be easily removed and replaced.

Yesterday, Norain said my sound changed! That line really made me feel better. And also motivated. Although my stamina is still incomparable to before I changed embouchure, knowing that my sound is better really cheers me up and gives me strength to carry on down this path. Anyway, band rehearsals really help build up stamina. Although ultimately, individual practice is most productive.

Enough said. My DVDs and games are waiting for me. (:

"Distractions are part and parcel of life"
-Han Yong

10th September 2007
Monday


Life is short. I recall a conversation I had with a taxi driver. He said something which I really agreed. Life is short. We spend our whole life studying and working. And before you know it, Mr Death is knocking on your door. Death is not a fearsome thing. At least to those suffering, death is a way out. A final sigh of relief as the pain ends. A detachment of the soul from the physical pain that the body goes through.

A friend of mine has had his direct relative passed away recently. I went to the wake just now. Despite the loss that he has experienced, he seemed strong and controlled. Kudos to the strength he shown.

Anyway, my instrument is kind of fucked up. Tomorrow I have to bring it for servicing. This is what happens when you fail to nip the problem in the bud. Small problems eventually evolve into bigger problems and give rise to more issues. Lesson learnt.

Looking forward to the day where I can perform with ease again. But till that time, I pray that I will be blessed with the discipline to follow a strict practice routine.

On a random note, try and find the Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and listen to it. It really is a nice song.

"Each Man has one attempt at life."
-Han Yong

Feeling hopeless

9th September 2007
Sunday
Time never waits

I wanted to do a long post. Something which will truly reflect my emotions over these past few days. But I decided against it. Time is running out for me. There is so many things I need to do, but so little time left. Nothing good will come out of reminiscing.

Time. I have never been so bothered by it until now. Now, I know the frustration and hopeless feeling of racing against it. Time never waits. The seconds tick away, slowly but surely. Draining away life and hope. Every man which races against it will lose. But it is what each man does during the race that matters.

For now, I will just concentrate hard on the hurdles set right in my path.

"For wete you well the tyde abydeth no man"

28th August 2007
Tuesday

The day started off wet. Wet referring to the weather, not my bed. And the wet weather did not stop until sometime in the late afternoon. Quite a few people were drenched as the rain danced about in the wind. I suppose that is a sign of the changing weather. More wet days to come.

Anyway, today was a rather interesting day. Had a earful of gossips, and a insight on a high flying lifestyle. And I saw a watch which costs more than a bomb.

I went for a walk in interview at NTUC with Peijun and Min Si. But the conditions were not really suitable for my work and practice lifestyle. Then together with two ladies, we travelled to Orchard region and went to sweep Far East Plaza. And I realised something. Ladies are more prone to deviate from their intended motive. We ended up shopping. Or rather, they ended up shopping and I just accompanied them.

I still kept a lookout for job opportunities for them and manage to land them a few applications. Following the raid at Far East, we walked to Wisma. There, we stoned for a couple of hours before settling down at Starbucks Coffee to stone again.

Back to the watch business. While walking from Far East to Wisma, I saw this watch in the display. Really exquisite and unique design. I craned my neck to see the price tag and to my horror, there were 6 figures printed on the price tag! No, not the barcode number. The price has 6 digits in it. Like OMGWTFBBQ?! $178,602 if I remember correctly. How do people have the luxury of wearing such designer label watches?

Plans are being made to cramp up the rest of this week and next. Here is my schedule.

Wednesday : NJRC referee training. Night swim.
Thursday : Morning swim + tan. Afternoon lesson with Smith.
Friday : NJRC referee training.
Weekend : Free tentatively.
Monday - Saturday : NJRC

Practice time not included.

Child prodigy!

26th August 2007
27th August 2007
Neither Sunday nor Monday


Ever wondered how easily something can have its status changed from being material to just a memory? We usually overlook too many details of the world around us. Just like a streak of lightning across the sky. Common, yet each one is unique in its own way. Only lasting for a split second, many of these spectacular phenomenons of nature is missed by us. Akin to our daily lives, the details usually go unnoticed. This is indeed sad. For a great deal of beautiful things happen around us all the time.

Anyway, I was watching Youtube and I came across this VERY talented trumpeter. You can call him a child prodigy. Rubén Simeó Gijón. Here is a video of him playing Aratunian trumpet concerto at the age of 9. And here is a video of him playing Hummel trumpet concerto 3rd movement at 15 years old. Fabulous I say. He serves as a inspiration to all trumpet players out there.

Okay. Back to more practice.

How now Brown cow?

26th August 2007
Sunday
Updates on a mundane lifestyle

Another promise made to myself went unfulfilled. Yesterday I said I would wake up in the morning and go for a swim at Hougang Swimming Complex. Yet I overslept and woke up at noon.

Really, it has been quite some time since I last went for a swim. Or a jog. Or any exercise for that matter. Even as I type, I can feel my fats wobbling around. And my lung capacity. Something that I never found to be a problem is seriously troubling now. Even four bar phrases seem impossible. I have to do something quick!

Recently I have been clocking 2 hours of practice each day except for last Wednesday and Thursday. My lips seem more stable now, but the setting up still feels weird. My mouthpiece slips downwards as my lips get wetter. Airy sound is still present and pitching is a problem. I need more practice!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my earhole started bleeding yesterday. And last night. And whenever I decide to touch it or move it. Now does anyone have a remedy for that? If you do have one, please inform me soon. I have no intention of dying with a "Loss of blood from bleeding earhole" as my cause of death.

On a lighter note, exams are over! And that leaves me more time to practice. =)
I officially make practicing my favourite pastime!

Anyway, I almost forgot that there is a trumpet masterclass at Yamaha Music right about now. And I am LATE! So that is all for now. Write back soon.

p.s. Something is wrong with my phone. *Hint* Will some kind soul please get me a new phone?

"24hours is never enough. Why not make the year 182.5 Days and one day 48 hours?"
-Han Yong

Extreme measures

19th August 2007
Sunday
Extreme Measures

If you are wondering what the title means, it refers to my way of dealing with oral ulcers. It is a simple process comprising of only 4 steps.

First, identify the troublesome spot. This should be relatively easy as ulcers are usually quite prominent. Look out for the white or yellowish spot in your lips. It should hurt badly when your tongue brushes against it or when you prod it with a clean finger.

Secondly, take a large amount of salt and press it into the ulcer. This will seriously hurt. Trust me, tested and proven. After the initial burning sensation, the pain will gradually subside and when that happens, spit out whatever is in your mouth. You will notice that you will salivate when you first dab the salt in. This is normal. If there is blood in your spit, stop dabbing salt. If there is no blood yet, repeat step two again until blood is present.

(Okay. Maybe making it bleed is too extreme. But put salt until the white layer covering the ulcer is gone.)

After all that action, rinse your mouth and dry your tears. I guarantee you there will be tears. If you can go through step two without tearing, kudos to you!

Grab some watermelon frost, apply it on your open ulcer. Surprisingly, watermelon frost really works well! Just leave the powdery stuff on the ulcer and reapply regularly. The ulcer should be gone within a couple of days.

Words of caution : This method is only a suggestion. It is how I deal with ulcers. But I might change my methods soon, due to the fact that dabbing directly with salt might leave scars.

Practice and study and practice

18th August 2007
Saturday
When the boring gets deadly.

I initially wanted to go down to Xinmin in the morning. But somehow, I fell asleep again after waking up.

Taking a break off practicing. I guess it's useless to feel frustrated and impatient. Only thing I can do now is to follow instructions and practice my foundations. And soon, I will be back with even better tone and techniques in my arsenal. "Don't feel frustrated, you're progressing fine!"

Just read through my ASAS lecture notes. And sadly, half the contents seem so unfamiliar to me. ASAS paper is on Tuesday. Two more days. But the greatest battle lies on Friday. Thermofluids. The module that I have to repeat. I still have problems with the last few chapters which unsurprisingly, holds the highest level of importance in this module.

Screw the mundane mugging. I salute people who can really sit down and mug and really manage to remember what they have mugged. It is like speed reading a book and remembering what is the fifth word is on page 252 line 38. Impossible.

Well then, back to long notes.

"Examination procedures : Go in, sit down, write name, stand up, go home."
-Han Yong

14th August 2007
Tuesday

Some people live their life waiting for something to happen. Others live their life making things happen.

Which are you?

I stumbled upon a blog with an amazing story to tell recently. It is a story about one man's dream and determination. A dream he spent years preparing for. It is a story of tears and sweat. A story of a journey no one has ever embarked on. A test of human strength and determination. A journey that will set records for the future. This is a dream of a thousand days at sea. Read about it at www.1000daysatsea.blogspot.com. It really is an inspiring blog about life on the water as a seaman.

All that reading about sailing the seas brought about my craving for compressed air again. I am really feeling the craving for the free open ocean and the weight of my gear strapped upon my shoulders. I want to feel the cool water engulf me. I want to taste the salt in the air. I want to experience the tranquility under the surface of the sea again. I want to escape into a paradise, yet to be tainted with city life.

For readers who have not experienced the beauty of the underwater world, you will not understand the bond between the sea and the divers. You will not see the x-factor that makes divers go back diving again and again. Call it an addiction, call it an obsession. But once you immerse yourself in that clear blue water, you will never turn back again.

Freedom is just a giant stride away. Cheers to all divers!

12th August 2007
Sunday
Time flies. And so do birds.

Sometimes, I wonder why does Time fly by so quickly. Ten years of hardwork can fly by before you realise that the hardwork is all worthless.

I caught a couple of movies recently. Secret and Alone.

Secret was good. Amazing twist at the back. Although there were some loopholes in the storyline, it was well worth the money. Touching scenes, as in emotionally. Not physically. Almost as good The only minus that I am giving the film is the poor acting by Jay, and the poor digital effects. Great music, great storyline. Poor acting from Jay (but improved tremendously since Initial D though), beautiful actress. Poor digital effects.
Overall 7.5/10

Alone was amazingly scary. I caught the movie alone to get a full taste of Alone alone. Seated with a bunch of shockingly retarded teenagers who almost managed to turn this horror film into a comedy, the film still got my jumping in my seat a couple of times. 4 times to be exact. Storyline was good, as expected. The twist at the end was unexpected though. As compared to the Shutter (same director as Alone), it failed to deliver the same impact in the storyline. However, the scary scenes were good enough to send screams reverberating around the cinema. Only minus was because the climax did not feel much of a climax.
Great effects, good acting, good storyline, bad climax.
Overall 7/10

Starting to learn the trumpet from scratch again. Doing it the proper way this time. Please screw me if you see me fooling around again.

"Habits fuck you up real bad."
-Han Yong

9th August 2007
Happy 42nd birthday Ray!
Happy 18th birthday Singapore!

I know, I know. That was pretty lame. But that should be the way to pass this happy occasion when we were kicked out from Malaysia 43 years ago right? Thank god we were kicked out. Or else the people here would still be shit ass poor. (Get what I am trying to say?)

Anyway, I am pretty pissed off with someone. Partially due to the fact that the person is not listening to me, and trying to push me back onto a path which I am trying to get off. But the main pissing came when that person said stuff that were totally different from before. Like what the fuck? I mean, like come on! You could have said those stuff right from the beginning instead of now right?

Whatever is it, I ain't buying.

Well, my initial plan for this afternoon was 15mins of practice, followed by 1 hour of studying and back with 15mins of practice. But this whole mess totally dissed me off. So now, the whole plan is fucked up, and I am here blogging instead.

"Signs of a fucked up life : Fucked up dreams."
-Han Yong

7th August 2007
Tuesday

Another day away from school. I am seriously losing the will to carry on studying. Despite what others might say about me giving up halfway, being an good-for-nothing imbecile, or whatever. Nobody really understands.

5th of August marked the my 18th concert. Philharmonic Youth Winds under the baton of Mr David Anthony Glosz. I guess the entire concert was quite screwed up (not to mention my failed solos). What a way to kickstart the new Philharmonic Youth Winds. Somehow, the usual post concert blues failed to get me this time round. Due to the poor performance? Possibly.

Anyway, I will be stopping band practices now. Main focus will be on studies(?) and individual practice. I have to start from the fundamentals again.

1st August 2007
Wednesday

These few days (and i do mean these few days), I have been neglecting my studies. Sigh. Really feel bad about it. But there is nothing I can do with just so little time left. Trying to cram everything that should have been done in the past two years into a few days. Stupidity? Hesitant? Poor foresight? I cannot tell the reason.

Anyway, my parents are quite unhappy with me. Or so I feel. Sigh. Despite efforts to keep the darkness away, the emo-ness is still creeping back. Maybe it is because of the haze that blinds my foresight. Stinging my eyes, forcing me back. Stumbling into the footprints left behind from before.

And all I can do now is to follow my own interpretation of the every small hint that the light is revealing.

30th July 2007

Monday

The world is a fair place. It is just that the stuff that happens to you aren't.



Well, I am currently waiting for a hint from god. Why is it so hard to do the things that you like without having to feel apprehensive? I knew there would be many discouraging remarks. But what bothers me most is the confusion that comes from within.

22nd July 2007
Sunday


Wenjie said this. We are not the sort of people who can look at our past posts and reflect on them, changing our outlook on life. Instead, we look at our past, and we sink back into the pitholes of emo-ness. Well, maybe the word "emo" has been inscribed in our souls since long ago. 拿得起，放得下. Can I do that?


Playing the trumpet used to be purely enjoyment and all fun. Now, it has gotten so competitive that I fail to see the passion for music anymore. You get bitched about if you are too good. You get looked down upon if you are not good enough. So what to do? Quit as a musician? Looking at the way the band scene is really baffles me. So much bitching even among members of the same band.


Anyway, a random piece of information. Up to date, I have performed with
Xinmin Symphonic Band in Xinfony III, IV, V, VI, VII(as alumni).
Xinmin Symphonic Band in Kaleidoscope, Xinmin festival of the Arts (as alumni)
Philharmonic Winds and Youth Winds in Death and Life.
Philharmonic Winds and Youth Winds in some combined concert.
Philharmonic Winds and Youth Winds in Beautiful Sunday 5 Mar 06
Philharmonic Youth Winds in Beautiful Sunday 14 Aug 05, 8 Oct 06
Kim Seng Wind Symphony (Can't remember the concert details)
Anderson Junior College in Spiritanto X - The Odyssey
Anderson Junior College in Spiritanto XI
Nanyang Polytechnic Symphonic Band in Sinfonia
Ngee Ann Polytechnic Concert Band in Rondeau 21
Ngee Ann Polytechnic Concert Band in Pops 'N' Classics


17 Concerts. Well, I guess that number will keep rising until the day I finally set my trumpet aside.


"No passion. No lust. Just... Serenity. For once, I felt happy."

This line comes from a play which I just watched recently. Entitled Happy Endings: Asian Boys Vol 3, this play touches on subjects that are considered sensitive in this uber conservative society. Telling a story from within a story, the play touches a raw nerve and hits on emotions and memories that have been stowed away. Indeed, there is no passion, nor is there lust after watching the play. For a while, there is just serenity and a sense of bittersweet happiness.

Back to embouchure changes.
My playing on the new spot has improved by a little bit, but control is still impossible. Maybe it really is better to train under David Smith.


I was sane until you appeared in my life.

21st July 2007
Saturday

Christine, I am making this choice because I know I must prioritise. It might seem that my workload is nothing compared to that of a President's, but still, I have 2 bands and a hell lot of Fs for my results.

Changing embouchure is difficult. To maintain my former standard without returning to the old embouchure is impossible now. But in order to become better, I think it is something I have to do. Better now than never.

15th July 2007
Sunday
Great job XMSB!


Well, Xinfony VII is over! I really dislike the feeling after a concert has ended. Relieved, but lost. The performance was not really at our best standard, but it is over already. So for now, the only thing to do is to get back to my books and catch up with everybody else.

Good job XMSB!



Remember how people always say that it is better to give than to receive? Trust me. They are right.

On the 1st of July 2007, I parted with my long hair for a good cause. The Children's Cancer Foundation held an event called Hair For Hope with the sole motive of raising funds for needy children cancer patients. Many brave men and women parted with their hairs. You might think that the shavees will be totally upset when their hair fell. But the smiles on their faces told a different story.

You see, when you do good, you feel good. After I shaved, I felt a serenity within me, for I knew that I had changed not only physically but also emotionally. After eighteen years, I have finally begun to understand the meaning of empathy and sharing.

"True goodwill comes from within."
-Han Yong

14th July 2007
Saturday
Ember's glowing bright.

I hate being a clown. I hate being an object of amusement to other people. I hate being laughed at by people. I hate being their source of entertainment.

To those who laughed at my new image, fuck you.
To those who laughed at me when I joked around with you, fuck you.
To those who laugh at whatever I do, fuck you.
To those who treat me as a source of entertainment, fuck you.

Fuck you, your father, your mother and your whole family. I have enough shit without you adding on to the pile. Pardon me if I punch you in the eye.

Okay. Done for the day.

12th July 2007
Thursday
AWOL

Here to destress after reading some stuff that I thought I had already gotten over. And also because of the really screwed up rehearsal just now. Sigh.

People create their social reality based on their own perceptions and interpretations of the world around them.

Do you agree?

First, we need to look at the definition of perception.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information. The word perception comes from the Latin perception-, percepio, meaning "receiving, collecting, and action of taking possession, apprehension with the mind or senses."

Basically it means that perception is the process of understanding the information being transmitted to your brain from your sensory organs, referring to the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch. This is the process that evaluates the information and organises it into something comprehensible.

But can we trust the sensory information that we are receiving? Irish philosopher George Berkeley theorized that individuals cannot know if an object is, individuals can only know if an object is perceived by a mind. He stated that individuals cannot think or talk about an object's being but rather think or talk about an object's being perceived by someone; individuals cannot know any "real" object or matter "behind" the object as they perceive it, which "causes" their perceptions.

You are looking at an apple. Your senses tell you that the apple is red. Your senses tell you that the apple is solid and has a smooth surface. But to what extent is that information trustworthy? For all you know, the "apple" might be a plastic model used to depict how an apple is like. The apple we identified is an apple constructed out of the information from our senses. Thus, the apple is an idea constructed out of the information we have gathered.

How does the mind so readily constructs the idea that the object is an apple and it is red? It is because we have encountered so many red apples that we have come to a conclusion that an object with such a shape and colour is an apple. And it is a red apple. From past experiences, we also know that red apples are sweet. But there is no basis in that statement. We can easily identify the object's physical being. But we have no guarantees that what we know from past experience will apply in present and future cases.

Applying what we now know to the main topic for this thread, we can read it as "People create their impressions of the world based on their ideas." It is therefore safe to say that the world is different for everyone. Since every object in the world is based on individual unique ideas that are unique to each person, the world is perceived differently by everyone.

This perception of the world is based on past experiences, cognitive construal, religion, and society. Past experiences lead the mind to develop thinking patterns that directly affects the perception of the person.

Example: If you have never seen an apple. Now you see a blue apple. The next time you see an apple, it is also blue. And so is the apple you see on your third time. Based on your past experiences, you have come to a conclusion that all apples are blue. This is because you have never encountered any apples of other colours.

Society puts pressure on individuals, imposing a limitation as to how much the perception of the world can differ among individuals. Under this pressure, social norms are created. Social reality is created. People trapped in this society pressure are forced to go with the mainstream.

After understanding the components in deciding whether people create their social reality based on their percecptions and interpretations of the world around them, I take the stand of disagreeing with the statement.

Social reality is born not of one person. But a group of individuals with similar ideology that forms a basic "public opinion".

9th July 2007
Monday
Happy Birthday Shuxiang!



In response to the many requests for a blog update, this post shall be one that will address all of the major and minor happenings of the past few weeks.



First off, blogging is starting to wear me out. Hah! (Ace excuse for not blogging) Everytime after I blog, it takes me a couple hour of sleep before I can recover full functionality of my brain. Blogging drains energy and brain juice. Oh man, even as I speak, I can feel my energy seeping away. Sucked into the void.



Next up is the issue of global conservation. As you all know, Live Earth concert has just ended. But the quest for saving the environment does not end there! We all have a part to play in conserving this planet which we reside in. This place called Earth.

Major issues aside, let's talk about Pops 'N' Classics! Well, the concert went smoothly, and the music was not too bad. I believe there is a major improvement as compared to previous concerts by NPCB. Also, the Outreach program was quite a success! Participants, I thank you all for your wonderful support and enthusiasm!

Preparation for Xinfony VII was not quite good though. Bugler's holiday sounded like crap. My fault. Tonguing, note length, pitching, endurance. Everything is screwed up. There is still time, I hope.

Tupq ivsujoh nf xjui zpvs bdujpot...

"Some wounds are deep."
-Han Yong

27th June 2007
Wednesday

Trying to get away from the noisy chattering of his friends, he came up with an excuse that he had to meet someone else at the mall. He alighted at the bus stop and started walking towards the mall. Without a destination in mind, he wandered the mall aimlessly, enjoying the solitude. Upon reaching the cinema, he bought a ticket for some random movie and went in. The time alone passed surprisingly fast. Before he knew it, the shops were closing, and sky already dark. Unwilling to head home, he got on a bus that brought him to the airport.

The airport is the other place apart from home which made him feel comfortable. The swarms of tourists, businessmen, students, and families moving to the departure gates, the anticipation of relatives and friends waiting for their loved ones at the arrival hall, the patrols keeping the premises safe. All these and more happening every single day without fail. Although he loathed crowds and people, he enjoyed people watching. And standing at the second storey looking down at the people checking in and walking around became his favourite pastime.

So the story continues, without a direction, without a plot. Writing whatever comes to mind, harbouring the hope that the story will lead to somewhere. It is really my first time writing something without actually thinking of what to write, and without a plot to follow.

26th June 2007
Tuesday

I am tired. Of life. Of acting. Of hiding.

I'm afraid to stop laughing.

Because my tears will roll when that happens.

24th June 2007
Sunday

But can he really abandon his faith, his belief, and his trust in himself, and all that he has known? He had thought of running away from all these. And running away solves nothing. Or so they say. Oh, the dilemma gripes him. A truce might be possible if his enemy was someone else. But how was he to establish a truce with the demons within him? Even now, his insides burn, driving insane. Burning with the knowledge of things beyond him. He knew things. Yet, he understood not. The only reason for all these that he could see was his fluctuating state of emotions.

Emotions that had led him on a wild goose chase for a seemingly impossible goal. A hunt for the rarest of pearls in the deepest oceans. A search for the brightest diamonds in the darkest mines. His emotions brought him to nowhere. His emotions brought him nothing. Nothing but desolation and fury and sadness all rolled into a single form. Even so, he reached out in the confusion, seeking redemption for all the misgivings he ever had.

I just wish I had the strength to carry on. To have faith in my skills. To believe in others. To trust the world.

It scares me with the knowledge that behind the facade of smiles lies a facade of tears. And beneath that, a demented soul waiting to quench the fires of life ever beating in a steady pulse, akin to the bass of a march.

And family and friends and acquaintances. Does no one see the blatant truth that lies in front of them?


The truth that the one here is losing his heart and mind and faith to carry on.

"Would you trust your head, or would you believe your heart?"
-Han Yong