Precarious apprehension.

23rd July 2008
Wednesday
...the mist will clear one day, and the path laid true.

Pardon me if my entry doesn't make sense. I just need an outlet to release the excess pressure within.

After three days in NAFA as a full time student, I realise that the requirements are very much different from the access course. Those fears and worries that were embedded and stowed away from the frontal lobes of my brain resurfaced and totally drowned me out. Everything seems so fragile. It was as though the slightest touch would make this reality crumble before me.

While picking through the day's practice precariously, a million questions flooded me. Half of which questioned my ability to make it through this journey, the other questioned my
apprehensiveness towards this journey. It has been my choice, I have no regrets. But I feel fear.

Acquaintances might commend of my bravery to embark on a path that is shrouded in mist. Yet
what I feel deep down is admiration for the strength of those who are able to persevere with something that does not lie within the path they want to take.

Views from the outside and inside might defer greatly. When viewing from the exterior, music students might seem to be the elites. Yet within the school, there is a major difference between the creme de corp, and those at the bottom of the barrel.

Can I catch up? Can I overcome my physical hurdles? Can I get by these mental barriers? Can I establish control over my skills? Can I improve on my skills? Questions like these keep appearing one after another. I feel I might go crazy soon. The only way is to keep faith, and not think about it.

Am I feeling worried because I am a music student? Or am I a music student
because I feel worried?

Whichever it is, I cannot forgo my duty to improve and get beyond my limitations, for the mist will clear one day, and the path laid true.

16th July 2008
Wednesday

Orientation was not as fun as I imagined it to be. Well, it really is more of matriculation than orientation. The main purpose of the whole orientation business is to register the modules, which I think had some problems. I am expecting a really chaotic first day for everyone due to the confusion in the modules registration.

Here is the quiz that some people have been bugging me about.

1. What was the thing you liked doing most when you were a child?
Being childish

2. What do you wish to get for your next upcoming birthday?
Mares Dragon Airtrim BC with MRS Plus Weight Pockets

3. What is your favourite fast food restaurant?
KFC? Don't really have one.

4. If you can choose, at what age do you wanna live until?
63

5. If you were a scientist, what kind of invention would you wanna invent?
A portable device to absorb sound, so that any enclosed area can be sound-proofed.

6. Let’s say you had 5 years left to live, what would you do for that 5 years?
Scuba Dive around the world, Sky dive, Bungee jump, Backpack around the world, live in some secluded cave with no contact with the outside world for the last year.

7. At what age do you intend to get married?
Hard to say. Never?

8. Have you ever read horoscopes that seems to be very true about yourself?
All the time.

9. What was your favourite nursery rhyme when u were a kid?
Beethoven's Ode to Joy.

10. List 5 similarities between you and the person who tagged you.

11. List 5 of your latest favourite songs
a) Rachmaninov Symphony no. 2 Movement 3
b) Vivaldi Concerto in C major for Two Trumpets, RV 537
c) Bruckner Symphony No. 4 in E-flat major (WAB 104)
d) Schubert Symphony No. 5 in B flat major, D.485
e) Modest Mussorgsky Pictures at an Exhibition

12. Did you ever fulfil your new year resolutions before over the past few years?
Not really.

13. 5 places that you haven’t been to before and you would like to go someday
a) Germany
b) Maldives
c) Japan
d) Finland
e) Antartica

14. 5 of my top favourite foods
a) Thin crusted pizza
b) Kebab
c) Fish'n'chips
d) Minced meat noodles
e) Potato salad

Milestone

14th July 2008
Monday
...A new beginning.

Tomorrow's the orientation for NAFA. It feels weird to be going through another orientation after experiencing the one at Ngee Ann. Somehow it's like a milestone in my life, signalling a new beginning. As dreamlike as it would seem, it's happening tomorrow starting at 9am. It'll definitely be a new experience, to know everyone new that I'll be living and studying with for the next three years (if I don't mess it up somehow).

Last Friday, I received the MOE interview results via posting. Within 15 working days as promised. As expected, I did not get into teaching. Having heaved a sigh of relief, I realised that the rest of my studying years will be filled with worries about money, apart from the regular stuff on the workload and performances.

And another quick update on my life, I'm cutting down on my games as promised. And carving off the addiction that has kept me up for nights. By addiction, I refer to games and dramas and animes. It feels the right thing to do now that school is starting.

Oh, and orchestra seating audition is on Friday. How nice. =\

A sea of flames

11th July 2008
Friday
...the glory of the setting sun.

As the seconds ticked by, the clouds above the land erupted in a blaze of flames, laying a beautiful red across the entire sky. Ripples of orange and yellow laced the fiery red. The clouds were still. There were layers upon layers of them, all immersed in the glory of the setting sun.

The colours intensified to a climatic point, from which it started its decline. As the sun descended, the waves furthest away from it lost its glory and faded to a faint purple. The layers closest to the sun hung on to its colours till the last of the sun disappeared completely under the horizon. And all was in a shade of purple and grey and free of its former glory.

The former sea of flames was no more, its glory no longer an existence, save the images that are etched in the memories of the few who noticed the short display of splendour.



Upon seeing the scene of today's sunset, I cursed myself for not having batteries in my camera. Afterall, that is the only possible way to capture the raw image of the sunset.

*Mental note to myself to get rechargable batteries.