Fool again

Its surprising what people can do to others. I kind of stumbled upon my old blog (previous one) and read the last few posts that were up there. Somehow it kinds of snaps me back to reality.

People say that history teaches us about why the present is the way it is, and foretells the future. Doesn't that mean that we are all trapped in an endless vicious cycle? Probably. Even with the technological advances, we might not be too far away from times where Man hunted with sticks and rocks.

Funny how I can see everything happening inside me so clearly from a safe distance, and yet still be torn apart. Maybe I was wrong to love again? But evidently some things can't be helped. I'll love someone else again, and maybe, get hurt once more. How else did our kind propagate then, if not through loving and failing, and in the slimmest of chances, succeed in love, and life, and gave life? I probably deserve better. I think.

Am I trying to be magnanimous by attempting to reunite the both of them? At the expense of my sanity? Or did I saw a sliver of hope that she will turn around with gratitude and pity? When reality and fiction comes together in a fusion, I can do naught but hope that materialistic attractions will triumph over emotional desires.

Am I subconsciously soliciting pity from whoever the audience of this post is? Oh I probably am. I think I am better than that, but current circumstances show otherwise. How else would you explain the lack of rational reasoning? My logic faculty is probably fried by now by denying facts and forcing delusions through my brain.

History is once again up and about on its endless loops.

Sem 3 exam results + Post Yunnan trip

Donnerstag
17.12.2009

Half my holidays are over. And whilst I was climbing mountains and eating uber oily food in china, my exam results were patiently awaiting my return.

One thing for sure, I did better than previous semester. But still it is disappointing to see Ds and Cs. Especially for my PS, which I got a C. (In relation to the previous D, this is an improvement)

Aural and Sight Singing was a flop. Got a D for it. Both other cross disciplinary modules (Theatre and Biz Comm) were Cs. The other performing modules and development of concerto were all Bs.


I experienced quite a number of things in China, but nothing worth mentioning. Took a lot of photos, definitely more in both quality and quantity than the Chiangmai trip. But I will probably take some time before I post them up on Facebook or on my photoblog.

"I-want-to-go-for-ITG2010" fund

4th December 2009
Freitagmorgen


Oh gosh. My sleeping hours are weird. Who sleeps at 4am and wakes up at 4pm? *raises hand*

Anyway, I'll be flying off to China on saturday night, will be back in 10 days time and arriving in singapore on the 15th. Not sure what will happen there, but I'm guessing a LOT of walking, and staring at mountains and rivers. *scratches head*

Time to start saving money! Because I want to go for ITG 2010 at Sydney. And that costs me money. Probably $1.2k SGD if I'm thrifty.

Anyone wants to donate to my "I-want-to-go-for-ITG2010" fund?


Performance with Bedok South Secondary School band this coming Saturday. It's been some time I last played with any secondary school bands, and it really is eye opening. The young players these days have quite a bit of talent, just that they don't realise it. I guess the standards really are rising.


I'm still thinking about ITG2010.

Losing, losing, lost.

13th October 2009
Tuesday

After staring at a blank screen for some time, I feel I ought to start somewhere.

Following up from my previous post, I collected my pay yesterday. And the supposed steamboat dinner did not happen. What happened, was an improvised dinner for three - Sherrill, Jess and me, at Xin Wang HK Cafe. Not as exciting as envisioned. Weiwen joined as a while later, after his dance training. And that's about it for Monday.

Something that came up during the conversation yesterday really got my brain cogs working. What am I working for? Money? Or to better myself and gain new knowledge?

I don't know why, but I'm losing it again.

Post F1

30th September 2009
Wednesday

F1 is over. It was a busy weekend, with long hours of labour and little time to rest. Still, the company that I found on the roofs of the sky suites were invaluable.

The sun bearing down harshly during setup; the hours of waiting before the first guests start arriving; the roar of the engines as the drivers control their machines from their cockpits.

All these would have been unbearable without the support of each barmen and barmaid at the Sky Terrace. It has been a enjoyable time, and I look forward to F1 2010. Hopefully the same crew will get together and work at Sky Terrace again.




It's been another dry spell on the trumpet for me again. Hopefully the spell will break and there will be progress.

"The tree that is not beaten by rain and baked by sun will never grow."
-Han Yong

This too, shall pass.

9th September 2009
Mittwoch
This too, shall pass.


Here is a story from Krissy's valedictory speech at TP's graduation ceremony 2009.


It was said that, in old Jerusalem, there was a king who had in his possession the most magnificent collection of precious jewels. Yet, he was unsatisfied, for he was told of the existence of a magical ring.

A ring with such power that it could take a happy man’s joy away;
A ring that could take a sad man’s sorrow away;
A ring that had the power to clear confused minds & bring light to a lost soul;
and this ring, had the power to truly deepen joy.

The king offered all his advisors a huge reward and sent them out to scour the world for the magic ring. Years passed and one by one, they came home empty-handed.

The king's humblest, most devoted servant was the last to give up. As he was trudging back to the palace to admit defeat, he made one last stop at a small dusty shop.

When he sadly told the proprietor what he had been seeking for so long, the old man smiled and said," I have the ring." Taking a little box down from a high shelf, he refused payment.

"Your King needs this," he said. "Take it as a gift."

The King tore open the box with trembling fingers. Inside was a plain metal ring! Was this the treasure that he had gone to for so much trouble?

Astonished and angry, the King was about to throw the box across the room when he noticed the Hebrew letters engraved on the ring. He looked more closely.

"Gam zeh ya-avor," it said. "This, too, shall pass."

The King wore the ring for the rest of his life. Whenever he was sad, or intoxicated, or joyful, he would read those words -- and it worked exactly as he had dreamt.

Crossing rivers

3rd September 2009
Donnerstag

There were three men standing in front of a river.

The first man swam across, and shouted back to the two men on the other bank. 'Come my friends, the grass here is greener than any blade of grass over on your side!'

Tempted by the first man, the second man leapt into the river and swam across. The two man then shouted back to the third man. 'Come my friend, the air here is fresh, more invigorating than any breath taken over on your side!'

Spurred on by his predecessors, the third man plunged into the river and drowned.


Maybe not everyone can achieve the same things.

Somehow, I feel like the drowning man.