Hello, Goodbye.

31st December 2008
Wednesday
You say goodbye and I say hello

Every now and then I sit around and look at life pass me by. Then the fact that time is flowing by quickly as well hits me and I start panicking. But such periods of reflection are inarguably beneficial for oneself. Or so I say.

2008 has slipped by, rather quietly, though not that smoothly. Every single event in 2008 left a notch in my soul and, hopefully, stay vivid in my memory. Things only happen once and memories then to fade away pretty quickly.

For now, the most vivid moment in 2008 stays sharp, and looks seemingly like a cross-processed film. Other significant events are stored away, locked in the depths of my memories where I sometimes pull out and relive the moments second for second. One thing I have learnt to do, though not that good at it, is to record videos in my memory and playback as and when I want to. Such as the "Space Shot" ride during my Genting trip.

Much of the things I set off to accomplish during this year has either failed miserably, or I have not gotten anywhere near it at all. Who do I have to blame? Evidently, not enough effort and commitment was put into everything. This is one point to improve on in the coming year.

Consistency is another issue to be addressed. With half the time failing to do what I want to do, and the other half not knowing what to do, I really do have a lot to consider and amend. Life has been pretty docile for me and that might change anytime. I really cannot wait till the last moment before slamming the emergency button and hoping for things to get better.

Hopefully, 2009 will be much less of a roller coaster ride, and more of a constant trek up to the mountain summit.

Lonely Christmas

25th December 2008
Thursday
Where's the magic?

For me, Christmas has sort of lost its magic. What else to expect other than frustration and loneliness from every aspect of life?

The day passed by like every other weekend. The main difference lies in the fact that you have to act cheerful and keep a smile on your face when you meet friends and wish them a merry Christmas. Or even when typing out a post in the blog.

I have had many posts whining about having to act in life, so no more about that, though I would very much like to go on about having to act like someone I am not.

But this Christmas is really pretty awful for me even if it does not show.

Last Christmas, I have zero ideas on how I spent it. The only evidence left over from my blog entries, which as usual, do not contain a summary of the day, shows that I was pretty much whining about everything. Almost like what I am doing now.

At the end of the day, it simply shows that I am not a Christmas person. Well, what would you expect me to say? That I love Christmas, and it just happens to be a slow season this year and next year will be a bomb? It would be nothing more than a string of lies if I said that.

This Christmas, I spent bulk of the day in Azeroth (World of Warcraft), and in the practice studio. The evening was completely taken up by games, first in the school's computer lab, then the LAN shop at Parklane. How exciting can it be? At least it beats moping around at home over some spilt milk.

Thus ends my Christmas post. I hereby wish all readers a blessed festive season.

"Christmas is always a reminder, for those suffering, that life will never be fair with the selfishness in Man. Of course, that is if you have already put in the effort into improving yourself."
-Han Yong

Denial of truth

24th December 2008
Wednesday

In our lifetime, we probably would have certain situations where someone close, or not so close, passes a passing comment that would resurface in your thoughts from time to time. Such comments, or rather, small snippets of advice, usually provides an additional resolve to carry you forward in life. At least it does for me. These small snippets of wise advice may come from the least expected people. Those who give them might not even be aware of the fact that someone else is actually remembering and using it to get past hurdles in life.

But then again, there are also cases where certain little innocuous comments keep reappearing to haunt you. These are the harmful ones who tend to drag down confidence level and to really screw you up when you find the least need for them to be around. The best part is that such comments are passed in jest and without ill intentions.

How can we tell them apart? It turns out that it is almost impossible. One comment in a situation might deliver a different message in another situation. In such cases of life's little irony, the simplest solution would be to flash the finger and just carry on with life.

Advice, commentaries, accusations, feedback, are all part of the perspective from a third person. Meaning, that you get, more often than not, stuff that people just tell you without much consideration to the aftereffects. Much like dropping a pebble into a still pond, you never know how far the ripples will travel. And when you do find out, it will be much too late.

With everything else in life, the best way is to retain your first person bubble, and take each third person observation with an open mind. Once you let yourself get lost in the sea of personalities, chances are you would just be living someone else's life.

Am I living, trying to live my life? Or am I living my life?

One step forth, one step back

16th December 2008
Tuesday
Weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

How many times does a bird fall before it learns to fly? Too many a time I suppose. And surely there would be one or two doomed ones that fall and break their wings.

This is the umpteen time I got out of one problem only to face another problem. And it is frustrating. Really frustrating, and I do mean those kinds where you really want to take a power drill and start drilling holes into your left palm. Imagine driving a high powered Ferrari on a straight and long stretch of road and getting stopped at every single traffic light every fifty meters. Now take that frustration and increase it fifty fold.

I am burnt out, feeling really useless when I hear anyone else playing their instruments. The one thing I would very much like to do is to grab put on scuba gear and hide in a school of fishes and just concentrate on the sounds underwater.

Raindrops keep falling....

11th December 2008
Thursday
Raindrops keep falling on my...

On days like this, I feel really thankful for being born into a family which can afford a roof over our heads. Whilst other less fortunate people in rather backward societies have to stand with trees as shelter. I watch the rain through the glass panes of the window, taking in the steady pitter-patter like morphine to a drug dependent patient. In crazy rush-hour Singapore, taking a slow day is really a luxury.

'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

It is pretty quiet in school. The only audible sounds are the brass quintet rehearsing for Christmas busking, a euphonium, and a flute practicing. Ironic how everyone is fighting for rooms during school days, and how the school is half a step away from being a ghost town during holidays. Makes me wonder what everyone is doing.

The most beautiful things in the world is usually free
-Han Yong

Barbershop Quartets

10th December 2008
Wednesday
Why did the chicken cross the road? (Answer at the end of the post)

I am back from Chiang Mai. Actually I have been back for a couple of days. The trip was fun and interesting. But nothing beats the wonderful weather in Singapore. Okay I am just kidding. Who in the right mind would love the warm and humid weather here?

Results from semester 1 examination is out. I pretty much screwed everything up, with a GPA of 2.32. Heck, that's even lower than my worst poly result (i think). And I am so utterly disgusted by it. Especially my Principal Studies results. All that hard work and frustration put in to get a C. Just thinking about it makes me cuss. It is hard getting back on track. But we do have to get back to it sooner or later right? So screw this exams and the next one will be better (hopefully).

[Edit] Okay the virus is still not cleared yet. Meanwhile I'm still hunting for a solution. Anyone good with tech stuff please lend me a hand here.

I must say, Youtube is amazing. Here's what's gotten into me over the past few days. Barbershop quartets.

Say, most of you have heard the amazing trombone quartet version of Stars and Stripes right? here's a vocal one. It is damn good, way better than instrumental versions. Volume's pretty soft, so turn up your speakers before playing the video.


Because it got the wrong road.
-Han Yong

Media wit? Simply a case of trying too hard.

22nd November 2008
Saturday
Nothing-to-insert (no, not dildos)

Pardon the lack of witty one liners. Cliche as it might seem, one liners still do a fantastically great job in opening a presentation, or conversation - in this case, a blog entry.

Lots of things have been happening in the past week. First the masterclass right after Xinmin's band camp, then birthday celebrations where I got totally wasted, and the practical examination.

The masterclass was pretty alright I guess. But I played horribly. Due to nerves I guess. After playing loud and letting lose my lips, the sound eased up. Matthew Harding is a great trumpeter. His sound is strong and focused. Much like most of the great trumpeters that are around. Initially I was reserved about my opinions on his ability as an orchestral player since he comes from a marine band. But into the first quarter of an hour, all my reserves were gone. Absolutely fabulous player.

After the not-so-disastrous masterclass, came the birthday celebrations for four members of the X-bro group. Details can be found elsewhere. Probably one of the blogs. But the ultimate unglam moment came in the form of a white liquid. Vodka, from a freshly opened bottle right in the living room of Gabriel. Let's just say I got drunk and did a couple of pretty ridiculous things without my knowing.

Monday was the long awaited practical examination, otherwise known as THE examination. Somehow things turned out well. Many thanks to my accompanist, Jieying, who did an amazing job staying together with me. Hopefully, the last minute changes added some colour into the piece.

Then the rest of the week flitted past, like a butterfly in a summer breeze. And finally I am here, blogging a mundane entry on the happenings of the past week.


Away from mundane stuff, I'm pretty much sure that the main media body in Singapore believe that rapping is the 'in' thing now. Some of you might have caught it as well. MediaCorp Advertising Enquiries (MAE). I was left speechless after watching it on television during one of the commercial breaks. Draw more business? Maybe not.

Here is other recent feats that have been featured.

Creative? Yes. Courageous? Yes.

But I'm so sorry but this will not work.
Period.
Why not hire someone competent enough to know the current hype?
Rap is definitely out of the question.

Shouts of freedom

13th November 2008
Thursday
Screams of victory!

History is history! Finally the dreaded papers, namely harmony and history, are over! The smell of freedom never smelt so much like a... practice studio. What on Earth? Oh well, since the Principal Studies examinations have not yet passed, what else to do other than coop yourself up in the practice studio and breathe trumpet.

Now comes the complaints. Why is that other instrumentalists can afford to practice lesser, and do as well as, or even better than those who spend so many hours a day practicing and frustrating the shit out of themselves? Is it simply because our instruments are tougher to master, or even work to an efficient level? Or are we simply too dumb to do what we do?

I think I should take up yoga lessons. But that will mean lesser expenditure on food and other materialistic stuff.

Here's more videos to end off the post.

I Can't Get Started. Performed by American entertainer, Sammy Davis, Jr.



Look what happens when that lovely piece falls into the hands of a trumpeter, specifically Doc Severinsen.




Amazing.

Vincent

11th November 2008
Tuesday
Starry study night

Pardon the parody of the opening lines of Don McLean's song 'Vincent'. A song written in tribute to artist Vincent van Gogh, the opening lines of "starry starry night" makes references to Van Gogh's work - "Starry Night".

Will someone remind me that the exams have barely begun? Alright. Not that I need the reminder. The problem with me is that I lack the fire to start studying. Not so much of starting, but more of the continuation of it that totally defies me. How can anyone read and understand something so remotely related to anything they have experienced?

Now then. Taking a short break from the dreary history notes (history has never been so boring), I am here with a few more book recommendations, namely those by Mark Frost. Can't really say how good it is, but upon completion of one of his book, I immediately went to the public library to grab another of his.

Did I mention about my thoughts on History? I believe quite a number of people share my exact sentiments right now. History should be left in the past where it should be left alone, and not disturbed and reviewed over and over again.

Here's another video to drive away the boredom. This one is entitled Vincent, by Tim Burton. It makes us wonder what would it be like if we were not who others depict us to be, but rather, someone else.





Food for thought, while I go grab some real physical food to quell my hunger.

Let freedom ring!

11th November 2008
Tuesday

Once in a long while I decide to post a video to supplement my posts. Regulars would realise that in five years or so of blogging history, I have not put in any single video on my blog. I guess there's a first time to everything. Dump the words and pamper the ears right?

Enjoy this fabulous video I somehow stumbled upon while clicking randomly on Youtube - I was initially watching Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech.

You have to wait for the lady to finish speaking in the beginning though. I assure you, the wait is definitely worth the while.



Absolutely fantastic, I must say. Not so much of the religious side, but the sheer intensity of the music and wonderous voice. Listen for yourself.

Inspiring? Well, I must admit, there are quite a number of compelling personalities around us. Politicians, reformists, artistes, writers.

Okay. End of break. Back to blasted harmony. *Imitates Dr Goh's voice* "You better study hard and score As!"

Smashing the Red Button

7th November 2008
Friday
When life gives you shit, go to the toilet.

When life gives you a bunch of sour grapes, use them to make wine.

With all the exams coming right in my face, I have no other choice than to cram my face into the books and start smashing the panic button. Yes. I am panicking.

As usual, at the very last minute (probably the second last minute instead - I started earlier this time), all the late nights appear, and the padlocks on the cupboard goes up. All the games are locked away, as best as possible, and painkillers scattered all over.

Such an irony, to be studying about the Well Tempered Clavier, in an absolutely ill-tempered mood.

With all due respect, I think the materials tested in the examinations are just pure rubbish. Not that the historical value is worthless, but the situations where you actually employ the knowledge are close to zilch. Unless you include wowing your non-musically educated friends with technical jargon and useless trivia.

Given a choice, I would gladly do away with History and throw in something more exciting, probably a compulsory assessment on ensemble skills - sextet and below. Afterall, since performance majors produce half-assed work as history majors, might as well make them do something relevant.

Better get going now. Or else more shit will come, from all possible directions and in all possible ways.

Reading off the strokes

27th October 2008
Monday
Deepavali

Done a online handwriting analysis, link gotten from Kosin, here are my results.

i) Han Yong is moderately outgoing.

• kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

ii) Han Yong will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows.

• Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad.
• Has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. Psychology calls Han Yong an ambivert.

iii) Han Yong is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically.

• He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to.

iv) Han Yong doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

v) Han Yong will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Han Yong believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

vi) He is basically honest with a tendency to lie in certain circumstances.

• This results from a combination of secretiveness (the desire to keep things private) and self deceit (the desire to not accept something in his life at the moment).
• He feels the truth is not what he wants people to know.

vii) In reference to Han Yong's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind.

• He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things.
• He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles.
• He probably gets too many things going at once.
• When Han Yong slows down, then he becomes more creative than before.
• He has the best of two kinds of minds.
• One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind.

viii) Han Yong is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth.

• He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts.

ix) Han Yong is sarcastic.

• This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt.
• He pokes people harder than he gets poked. (Sounds wrong.)
• These sarcastic remarks can be very funny.
• They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

x) Han Yong allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting.

xi) Han Yong has a vivid imagination.

xii) Han Yong is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

xiii) The right side of the page represents the future and Han Yong seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future.

• Han Yong seems to be clinging to past events, withdrawing, and spending lots of time thinking about what happened or what might happen in the future.
• Get a move on!

That's it for the random analysis.

Creator.

18th October 2008
Saturday

I used to believe there was a superior being somewhere, watching over us. Always compassionate and caring and full of love. I used to think that a creator created us all, equal amongst one another and full of brotherly love. I used to think that love built bridges from one soul to the other. I used to believe in a fairytale.

But I came to realise that even if the creator exists, he did not create us equal. He did not give all of us equal opportunities, and some of us were doomed to fail even before our paths begin. Some others, life is a smooth sail down penny lane.

But the talk about nothing being a coincidence and everyone is here for a purpose is ultimately true.

Like an Role Playing Game, every hero needed to have sidekicks - extra characters thrown in to elevate the main character. Like every novel, victims had to glorify the antagonist and in turn, the antagonist raises the status of the protagonist.

Murder.

17th October 2008
Friday

They say words are sharper knives. How ironic for me, who takes pride in my words, to learn that lesson the hard way.

For the first time in my life, murder ran across my mind. It seems like such a simple task, to place a nail gun against another's neck, to pull the trigger and feel the recoil. How long would it take for life to ebb away through a hole in the artery the size of a nail diameter?

It is a dozen years too early for you to preach to me about respect. Respect is something that have to be earned. And judging from your mannerisms, who butt into the business of other people, demanding a voice that has no right to be heard, I simply have no respect for you.

Yes, I am a ill-mannered bastard who does things to sabotage performances just to get a kick out of it. I look down on the people around me because it is fun. I like sarcasm and making a fool out of others. So if you see me around, fuck off. 'Cause I'll probably spit at you in your face or something.

Oh. And I'll fucking pay $200 for that pair of specs.

Distant. Self bollocking session.

15th October 2008
Wednesday
...into the primal stage...

JEALOUSY and despair runs alongside frustration. Or so I believe. Along with a full array of other emotions, mostly negative. Negative negative negative.

I guess all that hate is reflected in my writings and my choice of music. Even the sound that comes out from the end of my trumpet sounds brutal and cold. Why, after thousands of years of evolution, can the human spirit lose its cool and go back into the primal stage where the basic instinct of fight or flight takes control.

Am I not giving my best afterall?

It might be sufficient for some people to sit back and cheer for others, but I want to be more than just that. I want to break through the barrier that separates the spectators from the participants. I want, I will and I must. If I can't, then I am seriously fucked.

"Like a mythological being, gazed upon with envy, yet never understood."
-Han Yong

Frustrate. Life. Blind.

12th October 2008
Sunday
The poor among the rich among the poor.

Why do I feel my shell closing up on me again? Shutting out the pain. No. Rather, shutting in the pain. It is my own struggle, my own journey. No one can ever understand it. No one will ever experience the same fight. To put it in a simpler way, the feeling of life now resembles a long run in waist deep water. The only option is to trudge on against the resistance.

I chose this path. I do not regret that choice.

But stop rubbing in salt at every opportunity. I am so tired of acting resilient when I am actually crawling on my knees, trying for the finishing line.

There's more that I would like to say, but as we all know, life sucks. (Maybe only for me) So you should stop reading about me soliciting pity.

Fuck. I wish I could believe in my own words.

"Accept what you are, but never be contented."
-Han Yong

Making a living off sympathy

8th October 2008
Wednesday
Test of goodwill, or sheer emotion manipulation?

Brass band today was awfully boring. Playing the cornet sucks. At least, playing the cornet that I am using really sucks. Intonation is really bad, the mouthpiece feels weird, and I keep getting double buzz in my sound. Every brass band practice makes me feel totally demoralised, and it really is a waste of time.


I always believe that if we are able to, we should give help to people who need it. By using the word help, I refer to monetary aid. Yesterday, while walking from the train station to AMK hub, I saw this old man sitting in the middle of the walkway holding up a sign. It read "please help me buy something worth $3". He was trying to sell a packet of strawberry flavoured 'Pocky' for $3. Downright ridiculous.

When met with these type of people, I sometimes wonder if such old folks are taking advantage of people's kindness. I can forgive the bad english, but $3 for a packet of 'Pocky' is ridiculously expensive. I wonder how much profits he is gaining for each packet sold. And although I do not know the market price of one packet of 'Pocky', I do have a fair view of how much it is worth. And the price is definitely lower than $3.

Later in that evening, an old man approached the table I was having dinner at, asking for $1. For whatever reasons, I do not know. I simply gave him a gold coin out of goodwill. Then he went over to the next table and asked for a dollar. A table a dollar, ten tables make ten dollars. In that coffeeshop, there were at least sixty tables. $60 for about an hour or less of walking and asking for money? I'd happily do that! No wonder why so many old folks are going around trying to make a living off the sympathy of the population.

But then again, if they already have sufficient financial support from the government, if not their family, they would not have to resort to such means to get money.

Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts Symphonic Wind Ensemble, Brass Ensemble, Brass Band, Chorus and Percussion Ensemble
Directed by Richard Adams and Zechariah Goh Toh Chai

Date: 14 October 2008
Time:8pm
Venue: Lee Foundation Theatre
NAFA Campus 3
151 Bencoolen Street
Singapore 189656

Email: music@nafa.edu.sg
Admission: FREE

Please do drop by and support the NAFA music department. I will be performing in the Wind Ensemble, Brass Band and Chorus. So do drop by and enjoy the music.

"If life is immeasurable, then what does no life mean?"
-Han Yong

The mask 'neath the mask 'neath the mask.

5th October 2008
Sunday

Lazy sunday, as expected after a night of booze and insane laughter, which, unsurprisingly, done nothing more than effectively killing a couple of hours off the night.

Yong Lin's birthday celebration was pretty happening, with a few good laughs here and there. Coupled with a truckload of booze, it was a miracle no one got drowned in his own beer.

On lazy Sundays, usually work is not accomplished and more junk are consumed. That includes more alcohol, which is not a good sign. Nothing gets done, and practices turn out to be unbearable. The only thing that actually feels good on a lazy Sunday, is snuggling up to a cozy corner and watching hours and hours of drama, with near-zilch streaming times.

Back to the topic of this post. The mask 'neath the mask 'neath the mask. It makes us wonder how many masks we actually wear to convince people into a perception of us that makes us somebody that we are. When too many layers get caught up, you lose sight of the real cover, and thus lose your sense of identity.

Quite true in today's world, where races and nationalities seem to take a higher priority than the individual qualities of people. Discrimination runs rampant because of differences in skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, choice of language, place of birth, taste preferences, smell preferences, colour preferences, and all sorts of other ridiculous factors that one may think of.

To not get discriminated, we try to be someone that we are not. How many native Singaporeans try to talk with a faked American or British accent? How many people go for plastic surgeries to change themselves because someone else said they had a flaw? How many people try to act hip or cool just to fit in?

All these I have just written seems to be an attempt to be someone I am not.
Well then, who am I?

"When you lose your identity in your identities."
-Han Yong

Deadlines that spur

29th September 2008
Monday

Technically, it is Monday. But at 3am in the morning, you'd say it is indeed hard to tell the difference between a late Sunday night and a early Monday morning.

You know, people usually talk about having Monday blues. But now is more of baroque Monday, rather than blues. With my 'to do' list crammed full of presentation and history related items, no wonder why my head is ringing with baroque trumpet concertos.

Presentation on baroque recordings coming up on Tuesday. That effectively leaves me about 30 hours to get things done. From preparation of handouts, to editing of sound and video clips. Seriously, working with a deadline really increases your efficiency rates.

Formula One racing

27th September 2008
Saturday

What's on the headlines these few days? You don't even have to look. Of course it's Formula 1 racing. Being a first in so many ways, the coverage of this historical event far surpasses the other upcoming events, such as the Singapore Sun Festival, the ongoing Festival Mexicano, and many others.

As an international event that will ultimately draw more than a hundred million viewers, there is no questions about the hype that the whole of Singapore is going through. Wait a second. Is that really how it is?

Apart from special highlights in the newspapers and on broadcast mediums, the only hype seems to be coming from the downtown area where roads are sealed and seats are erected.

More grumbles than cheers are being heard from everywhere. Quoting an acquaintance, '... deprived of saunters at Esplanade/City because of a bourgeois' activity called racing'. The enthusiasm for this international event is evidently not present in many of the locals, myself included.

What is so special about watching a couple of cars zooming around in loops while burning holes in your pocket? In view of today's unstable financial market and rising cost of living, my opinion is that the race, which generally targets businessmen with briefcases laden with cash, should also contribute to the poor and needy around the world.

Arguably, the race will increase tourism rates locally, thus increasing the GDP of Singapore. But how will that increase in income be dissipated through the population? To surmise my thoughts, the rich will get richer, and the poor, poorer.

With Wall Street in turmoil, I believe that the funding that goes into these "bourgeois" entertainments could be better utilised in stabilising the financial sector.

NAPFA IS SPELT WITH A P.

14th September 2008
Sunday

Sunny Sunday never fails to bring a back of sweat of the people toiling about their everyday chores. Even the short bus trip to Pasir Ris and back brought about a steady stream of complains.

After enrolling in NAFA, I get increasingly irritated by people who misspell NAPFA (National Physical Fitness Award) as NAFA. Why can people get club names like MOS, DXO correct, and yet screw up something so simple as NAPFA?

In Singapore, NAFA means Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. If you are indignant at that, go look it up in the research-is-so-damn-easy website - Wikipedia.

The correct spellling is NAPFA okay? N-A-P-F-A with a P in it.

Oh. And I forgot who told me LASALLE-SIA meant Lasalle - Singapore Institution of the Arts. It is actually named that way because Singapore Airlines (SIA) donated S$15 million to construct new buildings to house all Lasalle's activities on one campus. So much for that intellectual who got me fooled for so long.

But since 2007, LASALLE-SIA College of the Arts has been re-branded as LASALLE College of the Arts.

The lesson behind this post? Never take third party information at face value. (Think wikipedia)

End of term break

12th September 2008
Friday
End of term break

Whilst many other institutions are busy having examinations and regular lessons, we are blessed with a one week holiday. Though it sounds nice, the one week break is actually an excuse for lecturers to flood us with make-up lessons and mock exams.

I had a lesson with Mr Richard Adams today. He fixed my embouchure, shifting the anchor point to right below my lower lip. The sound was immediately in focus, though near the mid-high range, some distortions in the sound came through. This is my third embouchure tweek in the past one year. About time I stabilised and start making some progress.

Then there was sight singing lesson, which was a total bore. It tore up the rest of my motivation and energy for the day and the end of it saw me in a grumpy mood. A short nap put some life back into me but it was not until much later when I returned to my normal energy level.

CNL concert is tomorrow. Nothing much to be said about that, save a few word of thanks to Dax for asking us down to play. All the best to the performers tomorrow.

11th September 2008
Thursday


It has been a long time since I last wrote something in here. Or more specifically, typed something.

As always, school has been occupying bulk of my time. But with the portfolios all subdued and placed behind me, the stress coming from assignments has been decreased dramatically. Of course, the remaining portfolios will have to be done sooner or later, and if left to my choice, I'd pick the latter.

This day marks the 7th anniversary of the September 11 attacks which fell the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, affectionally known as the WTC. Seven years after this history changing event, the world still has not moved on.

World issues aside, today I had lessons with Laurie Gargan, Principal Trumpet of Singapore Symphony Orchestra. Initially expecting a group lesson, it turned out to be a major traumatising session in the form of a mock exam. Scales and pieces (I played Concone #5 and a few lines from Clarke technical studies) were quite badly done. I had more confidence for Concone though.

Oh, not forgetting choir practices. Sang Nila (Composition by Dr Goh) is pretty cool. Though memorising the piece proves to be slightly difficult. But it is an interesting piece.
The Wind band and the choir will be performing it on 14th of October 2008. Please try to catch the concert if you can. Details will be up shortly.

Trumpet Recital

19th August 2008

Tuesday

Just a quick update on an upcoming recital by my teacher.

Commuter Concert Series 08/09

Date : 25 August 2008

Time : 6.30pm

Venue : Lee Foundation Theatre NAFA Campus 3 151 Bencoolen Street Singapore 189656

Email : music@nafa.edu.sg

Admission : S$8 (plus $1 booking fee)

Buy your tickets on www.GATECRASH.com.sg, any SingPost Post Office counter or S.A.M kiosk island-wide! For Credit Card phone bookings, dial 6222 5595 for the GATECRASH ticketing hotline.

Trumpet Treasures : David Lyndon Smith (NAFA Department of Music) and friends. Music by Bernstein, Nyman, Gershwin, Rachmaninov, Arutunian, Ibert and more.

Self expectations

16th August 2008
Saturday
...a degree more severe.

Yes it is officially saturday now. But the way I see it, it feels like a late entry from the Friday mood.

School is getting pretty stressful, and the true colours of each classmates are beginning to show. (Since the cohort is so small, I refer to the entire cohort as a class.) For some, the colours are really vibrant and sweet. Others, not as pleasing to the eye, nor to the mind. I guess it really is better to stay a tone down and lay a low profile within the campus.

Certain lecturers are getting on my nerves now, as with certain classmates. Schoolwork is starting to pile, especially Dr RK's portfolios. Self expectations has gotten a degree more severe, as with the pressure that comes along with it.

I have been in a rather reflective mode recently, and my mood tends to swing negatively. Sorry to worry everyone. I hope things will get better soon.

To end things off, here is a quote I picked out from an article I read.

"What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure"
-Samuel Johnson

Predictability

3rd August 2008
Sunday
Predictability

Maybe the world remained as it is, with the only change happening being me. Quite a selfish way of thinking. But surprisingly, some people do think in such a manner. And by placing all the blame on themself, they think they can appease the world and everything will be fine. Purely being naive? In some cases, I think simply "being naive" is an understatement.

The weather is getting pretty unpredictable these days. Just a few days back, everything was nice and cooling. Today, the whole place feels like an oven set to overheat. There will probably be hailstones tomorrow or the day after. With the varied weather that we are getting recently, even snow won't come as a surprise.

comme il faut

3rd August 2008
Sunday
The proper way, as it must be.

It is 5am local time, I am losing sleep primarily because of sore muscles.

Comme il faut. Literally meaning 'as it must', is a phrase adapted from the French language. It means that one should do things according to local norms, or accepted conventions.

Looking at it, I get reminded of how the 'norm' path of education is like in Singapore. Primary School, Secondary School, Junior Colleges (JC), University (Uni), Workplace. Of course, that is what is expected of us, being the only resource of our nation.



In Singapore, it is considered a major loss of pride if you fail to follow the education route for the "elites". If you fail to get into the elite primary school or secondary school, you get labeled as a Neighbourhood School Kid (NSK), and is generally believed to be a failure in whatever you do.

If you fail to get into JC, you will be believed to be inferior to those who are in JC. If you fail to get into Uni, which happens to most Poly graduates, you are believed to be useless.

And when you raise something up about the mainstream education system, you are either, rebutted, accused of being jealous, or accused of knowing nothing and then having your whole "embarrassing" education history hauled out.

Some others, as you can see from yours truly, fail to meet the stringent demands of the norm in society for different reasons, and wind up changing courses in life.

These few "delinquents", as many would quickly surmise to be, will generally be looked down upon by the general public, families, and friends. Most will simply become known to others as "that guy who dropped out".

There is a problem with the system, but no one is willing to do anything about it. It is not that no one sees the problem, it is just that no one wants to acknowledge the problem.

Precarious apprehension.

23rd July 2008
Wednesday
...the mist will clear one day, and the path laid true.

Pardon me if my entry doesn't make sense. I just need an outlet to release the excess pressure within.

After three days in NAFA as a full time student, I realise that the requirements are very much different from the access course. Those fears and worries that were embedded and stowed away from the frontal lobes of my brain resurfaced and totally drowned me out. Everything seems so fragile. It was as though the slightest touch would make this reality crumble before me.

While picking through the day's practice precariously, a million questions flooded me. Half of which questioned my ability to make it through this journey, the other questioned my
apprehensiveness towards this journey. It has been my choice, I have no regrets. But I feel fear.

Acquaintances might commend of my bravery to embark on a path that is shrouded in mist. Yet
what I feel deep down is admiration for the strength of those who are able to persevere with something that does not lie within the path they want to take.

Views from the outside and inside might defer greatly. When viewing from the exterior, music students might seem to be the elites. Yet within the school, there is a major difference between the creme de corp, and those at the bottom of the barrel.

Can I catch up? Can I overcome my physical hurdles? Can I get by these mental barriers? Can I establish control over my skills? Can I improve on my skills? Questions like these keep appearing one after another. I feel I might go crazy soon. The only way is to keep faith, and not think about it.

Am I feeling worried because I am a music student? Or am I a music student
because I feel worried?

Whichever it is, I cannot forgo my duty to improve and get beyond my limitations, for the mist will clear one day, and the path laid true.

16th July 2008
Wednesday

Orientation was not as fun as I imagined it to be. Well, it really is more of matriculation than orientation. The main purpose of the whole orientation business is to register the modules, which I think had some problems. I am expecting a really chaotic first day for everyone due to the confusion in the modules registration.

Here is the quiz that some people have been bugging me about.

1. What was the thing you liked doing most when you were a child?
Being childish

2. What do you wish to get for your next upcoming birthday?
Mares Dragon Airtrim BC with MRS Plus Weight Pockets

3. What is your favourite fast food restaurant?
KFC? Don't really have one.

4. If you can choose, at what age do you wanna live until?
63

5. If you were a scientist, what kind of invention would you wanna invent?
A portable device to absorb sound, so that any enclosed area can be sound-proofed.

6. Let’s say you had 5 years left to live, what would you do for that 5 years?
Scuba Dive around the world, Sky dive, Bungee jump, Backpack around the world, live in some secluded cave with no contact with the outside world for the last year.

7. At what age do you intend to get married?
Hard to say. Never?

8. Have you ever read horoscopes that seems to be very true about yourself?
All the time.

9. What was your favourite nursery rhyme when u were a kid?
Beethoven's Ode to Joy.

10. List 5 similarities between you and the person who tagged you.

11. List 5 of your latest favourite songs
a) Rachmaninov Symphony no. 2 Movement 3
b) Vivaldi Concerto in C major for Two Trumpets, RV 537
c) Bruckner Symphony No. 4 in E-flat major (WAB 104)
d) Schubert Symphony No. 5 in B flat major, D.485
e) Modest Mussorgsky Pictures at an Exhibition

12. Did you ever fulfil your new year resolutions before over the past few years?
Not really.

13. 5 places that you haven’t been to before and you would like to go someday
a) Germany
b) Maldives
c) Japan
d) Finland
e) Antartica

14. 5 of my top favourite foods
a) Thin crusted pizza
b) Kebab
c) Fish'n'chips
d) Minced meat noodles
e) Potato salad

Milestone

14th July 2008
Monday
...A new beginning.

Tomorrow's the orientation for NAFA. It feels weird to be going through another orientation after experiencing the one at Ngee Ann. Somehow it's like a milestone in my life, signalling a new beginning. As dreamlike as it would seem, it's happening tomorrow starting at 9am. It'll definitely be a new experience, to know everyone new that I'll be living and studying with for the next three years (if I don't mess it up somehow).

Last Friday, I received the MOE interview results via posting. Within 15 working days as promised. As expected, I did not get into teaching. Having heaved a sigh of relief, I realised that the rest of my studying years will be filled with worries about money, apart from the regular stuff on the workload and performances.

And another quick update on my life, I'm cutting down on my games as promised. And carving off the addiction that has kept me up for nights. By addiction, I refer to games and dramas and animes. It feels the right thing to do now that school is starting.

Oh, and orchestra seating audition is on Friday. How nice. =\

A sea of flames

11th July 2008
Friday
...the glory of the setting sun.

As the seconds ticked by, the clouds above the land erupted in a blaze of flames, laying a beautiful red across the entire sky. Ripples of orange and yellow laced the fiery red. The clouds were still. There were layers upon layers of them, all immersed in the glory of the setting sun.

The colours intensified to a climatic point, from which it started its decline. As the sun descended, the waves furthest away from it lost its glory and faded to a faint purple. The layers closest to the sun hung on to its colours till the last of the sun disappeared completely under the horizon. And all was in a shade of purple and grey and free of its former glory.

The former sea of flames was no more, its glory no longer an existence, save the images that are etched in the memories of the few who noticed the short display of splendour.



Upon seeing the scene of today's sunset, I cursed myself for not having batteries in my camera. Afterall, that is the only possible way to capture the raw image of the sunset.

*Mental note to myself to get rechargable batteries.

In the backseat

23rd June 2008
Monday
Lost in the backseat of life.

For all the students out there, welcome back to school! Holidays always feel too short no matter how long they are. But then again, school term always drag on forever. So I guess that negates each other.

When holidays come, all the work is thrown into the backseat and forgotten. Until when the holidays are running short, then everyone starts scrambling to find those assignments that should have been completed ages ago. But then again, holidays is for relaxing and taking a break from all the stress in regular life. Wait a minute. Does that mean holidays are not part of regular life? Oh crap. What have I been doing for the past 2 months.

Time seems to pass so quickly when you are having fun. And usually when that happens, you forget about important matters. At least, that is the way for me. When time comes where you need the fruits of those important matters, you realise that you are pretty much screwed.

I don't deny that I am in that scenario. Especially with my addiction to manga and world of warcraft now. But things should start changing. And as a matter of fact, I'm ending my post right now and getting back down to work.

Of wine and meat

18th June 2008
Wednesday
Of wine and meat and the joys of life

All those that I can't enjoy right now. Simply because I have a freakin' cough. Well, if that ain't bad enough, throw in a bad cold which, thankfully, recovered a couple of days back.

Ngee Ann band camp was fun. Coupled with a party of fun loving people, we had a blast playing pranks and getting pranked. Lots of paint were involved, as we were rushing out the backdrop for the concert, which you can see here. Really pretty picture designed by Kenneth Koh's brother, and painted by us.

Games were a hell lot of fun. But it would have been better if the members were mixed up better. Station games were commendable. The station masters tried their best to keep spirits high, and well, they succeeded. Getting wet was the best part. And that gave me the cold which kept me at bay for a few days.

After games, I immediately came down with a fever, which left me half crippled while attempting to paint the backdrop in the second night. Halfway through the night, I gave up and squirmed my way onto the sofa, which already had a half dead Ruth sleeping in it. But when you are feeling sick and tired, you won't give two hoots about the amount of space you have to sleep. Grabbing a large plushy cushion as my pillow, I immediately fell asleep.

Nothing much to mention during the camp. It was awfully fun, and tiring. The day after the camp ended, I was summoned back to Ngee Ann for more logistics work. But then the summoning failed as I had not enough energy, and the fever was still running high. So, dear Joshua and his party had to struggle alone.

Friday was a disaster. The stuff was cut up all right. But the nightmare comes from hanging it all up. Especially with fishing lines all over the place and multiple reels tangled together. But by 5.30, we had everything up in the air. And the sense of achievement, is really indescribable.

Concert went quite smoothly. Not going to describe about the music part. Had a hell of a time camwhoring like a girl right before concert started and during the intermission.

I'm pretty bored right now and I can't be bothered to craft my post in my usual style. If I ever get the time to blog some substantial entries, and if my brain actually starts working again, I'll do a proper post. Promise.

Time forgotten

8th June 2008
Sunday
Lost skills

How long has it been since I last handled a deck, or performed magic? Slightly over 3 years I guess. It makes me sound old, but that is life. After 3 long years, I have totally forgotten all my sleights and flourishes. (Not that I have that much skill to be proud off.)

But after such a long time, I finally picked up the cards and did a simple Ambitious Card effect for a friend. My movements were mechanic, but thankfully, I pulled it through. No one seemed to notice anything, and as expected, they were amazed by the simple sleight that made it all possible.

One whole night without sleep, and playing with cards led me to the realisation that I have totally forgotten the revolution cut that I once tweaked to call my own deriviation. Upon viewing tutorials, I have gotten slightly better, but I still have not gotten the knack of it yet. And not only that, even my hot shot cut is gone along with the fans and shuffles.

I need more practice to at least remember how to handle cards properly.

Oh, and after a long week away from the trumpet, I finally got to rebuild my chops. As expected, the sound is weird and total control over it seems impossible. But this is only temporary. Hopefully, by the end of this week, I will be moving forward from my stagnated state.

As they say, practice makes perfect. So I'm off to practice my cuts and my trumpet.

"As a performer, you have to be prepared for anything, anytime."
-Han Yong

Issues - NS & Studies

5th June 2008
Thursday
Couch potato

I'm rapidly becoming a couch potato. Except that I'm losing weight instead of gaining weight. Tonsillitis sucks. It kills your appetite, makes you puke, and makes swallowing difficult. Put that, that and that together and you have a major headache on how, or what to eat.

For the past few days while I have been killing myself at home, I managed to get certain things sorted out. Well, not without lectures and naggings from certain people.

NS deferment. It is a pain in the ass. But at long last, I received my SingPass from the post, and in a series of clicks, all done! But waiting for SingPass takes a long time. One working day to process the application, and another four to mail it to your house.

Application for Diploma in Music (Teaching). I couldn't really make up my mind on this issue, but yesterday, almost everyone started calling me. Mr Adams called me and asked if the Ministry of Education (MOE) has contacted me. (I was supposed to contact them). Since I haven't done anything, then of course MOE have not contacted me. So I replied with a truthful no.

Right after that call, 28 minutes later, David Smith called me, asking me about the teaching course. It was a few minutes of discussion, which lead to no where and my throat was making it impossible for him to hear what I was saying. So he simply told me to think over it carefully and contact Adams for a discussion on the course.

About 2 hours later, Heidi, from Marketing & Admissions, called me to lecture me on why I did not call MOE. After the first 7 seconds, my mind switched to hibernate mode. So I have no idea what she went on and on about.

After that phonecall, I dialled MOE officer, Ms Annie Tan's, number, just to get referred back to the online registration. And I had to call back again, which I did right before I started this post.

All that for? A chance of getting into the teaching course. And my questions are not yet answered. Hmm. The efficiency of a so-called organised world.

I ought to get back to my trumpet after tomorrow. Tonsils are healing up pretty nicely now.

"When opportunities knock at the wrong time, do you take them, or turn them away?"
-Han Yong

Tonsillitis

31st May 2008
Saturday
A day with tonsillitis

I woke up at 5am to puke. And nothing came out. That's not surprising considering the fact that I had totally no appetite for the past few days. The total of what I had over the past 4 days is approximately equivalent to what I usually eat in a day. And so I puked. And there wasn't even digestive juices that came out. But that made everything feel better though.

And for the first time in a long while, I woke up at 8 am without any external help. My tonsils just felt horrible. Well, at least it got me up and about.

On Saturday mornings, what is the best thing you can do to kill time? Watching cartoons of course! And so, I spent my time trying to swallow a slice of bread while melting into the couch and staring at the television screen. Until P*w*r R*ng*rs came on and its ridiculously senseless plot, I finally picked up the remote control and switched off the set and came online.

This is pretty boring. Barely 10 people online at 10am.

Oh well, I'll slot my main post in later.

Degradation of society?

五月 二十一日 二零零八年
星期四
A day's work in a nutshell

I attempted to write this post in Chinese. But as you can see, it turned out to be a complete failure. Maybe except for the date, which I think I got it right. At least I hope I got it right.

Well, my PS went pretty badly. With only a couple more weeks before school officially starts for me. (Actually its about 6 or 7 weeks) Should I get a job? Or should I spend all my time on the trumpet. I am planning for my AOWs in mid June. But without a job, I can't get the money to go. But with a job, I don't have the time.

That aside, recently a rather interesting video has appeared in the many streaming sites around. I wonder if I'd get arrested for talking about it here. But the video is about the state of affairs here in Singapore and it pokes fun at the way the country is managed. Well, it does raise a certain level of political awareness among the citizens. Especially among the more rebellious group.

Speaking of which, I am utterly disgusted by the youths of our nation. (Specifically referring to those born in the 90's, about 92 onwards.) Their attitude and behaviour in public is simply atrocious. On several occasions, I had to scowl at their blasting music from their mobile phones and their uncouth language.

Just prior to this post, I had to put up with three Pei Hwa boys who were acting like hooligans and threatening to beat someone up over the phone. Vulgarities were flying all over the bus. Yes, it was a public bus. And that had no effect on them, evident from the loud music they were playing from their mobile phones.

Hello? Public transports are known as public transports because they are for the PUBLIC. And for your information, public refers to the general citizens of the nation. Although you, as citizens of this fine (ironic, but true) city, is part of the public, you have no right to disrupt their lives with loud, distasteful noise from your personal belongings. Ever heard of the term "Public Nuisance"? Yes, it refers to you.

It puzzles me when I see so many young people think that they look cool while blasting music, or shouting loudly in public. Maybe it is fun. But have they considered what others feel? Or is it evidence of the degradation of society?

Wandering.. Through wonderland?

18th May 2008
Sunday
Wandering thoughts

How long would you spend on someone who will not spend a single second on you? This thought came to me randomly. Like how things happen without warning at times. But still, it is a question I cannot answer.

It depends on the situation I guess. If the person is someone important, I guess I will wait for a while. But even so, if the important person feels that it is not worth spending time on you, then it would mean that he cannot be bothered with you. Then is he still important to you?

Nothing happened to me. I am perfectly sane and fine. Just that its ironic how some people will spend half their life doing something for someone who is just using them for a purpose. No examples here. But you can just look at big companies retrenching old workers just because their pay is getting too high.

I guess you can say that I have too much time on my hands. Well, truth be said, I do have that much time on my hands.

"There is always the risk of the breeze turning into a gale."
-Han Yong

Emotional peaks and dips - Do they really matter?

12th May 2008
Monday
Emotional peaks and dips - Do they really matter?

Oh crap. It already is May of 2008! The last time I remembered checking the date, the year was still 2007. And I was still feeling awkward about writing 2007 instead of 2006. This reminds me that time does not wait for anyone. Anyone. Well, maybe until someone manages to find a way to control time. But that is never going to happen. Since we don't have any visitors from the future coming up to us and telling us that they are from Earth in the year 20515.

Anyway, I was looking at MSN contacts, and I noticed my cousin's display name. "Best friends never exist, it was just a mere illusion." And this. "Reduced to a point whereby even if I'm gone , no one would realise."

Sounds like me from a couple of years back? Well, now with the benefit of hindsight, I can laugh at myself for how silly it all sounds. It is a stage in growing up I guess. Where everything seems so uncertain and everyone is doubting their bonds with society.

But too much negative emotions will undoubtedly lead to a breakdown at some point or other. And will definitely affect one's social life and working capabilities. What else can I do other than leave him to his own means to overcome this period by himself. That's the only way you can get out from the abyssal of depression with a regained self confidence. That is if you leave out professional help.

But still, looking at someone so similar to you is ironic. Especially if it amuses you to the extent of blogging an entry on it. Talk about irony.


Some random guy which I knew ages ago from the 29th Band NCO camp suddenly started talking to me because of a girl in my display picture. What the fuck? Any idiot would know that "Han Yong" is a guys name, and would have no relation whatsoever with the girl in the display picture. If there is, then the girl must be closely related to that guy.

And with that having said, which idiot would ask the guy

"why u always put this chio bu picture for msn display pict?"

And even going to the extent of saying

"i see already remind me that i'm lonely."

Hello? Are you gay or are you seriously horny and desperate enough to try and hit on a girl through a guy you do not even know personally? Even gay friends that I have don't do such retarded stuff like what you are doing. Go stare at cartoon characters and wank off if you are that horny. And stop telling me that you are lonely. Because you know what? I don't give a rats ass about it. And I doubt anyone will too.

Life is getting so weird. Especially with weird people like this one, with a seriously geeky picture for a display picture. With that aside, I think I ought to be doing something more constructive rather than bitching about some Gaylord with a capital 'G' from MSN.

"Peaks and dips are part of the life experience"
-Han Yong

Baroque Trumpet

9th May 2008
Friday
Baroque trumpet

Time really do fly. It has been almost a month, but not quite there yet, since I last updated this blog. For this hiatus, I have no better reason other than pure laziness. Well, I think most people can relate to my situation as blogging sometimes take away energy and mood.

Lessons are behind me now for the time being. And I am expected to take up a job to ease my financial status. But working sucks. And the pay for most places is pretty low. My brother initially asked me to go work part-time for G*ld*n V*ll*g*. But the pay is only $4 per hour! That is slightly better than golden 'M' i think. Anyone would expect a well established company with so many cinema to have a better pay rate than that.

Anyway, Smith brought in a Baroque trumpet to lend Shaune and the others to use for excerpts exam. The instrument is really cool and the sound unique. Here you can view a video of a few members of the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment playing a short piece on period instruments. Most of the musicians around really have no idea where their instruments came from or sounds like before.

One fine day

18th April 2008
Friday
One fine day

My illness has more or less recovered, and everything has been running clockwork since then. With a little bit of frustrations here and there during practicing, but other than that, life has been treating me well. I can't really say the same with my optimism though. It just seems to be going downhill all the time.

I'm currently taking a break from practicing and blogging from school. But somehow the school network has some problem and I can't blog too long a post. So I will keep this post really short and get back to practicing.

It has been quite some time since I last updated. And sad to say, nothing much has changed. Except that my confidence level has decreased since my audition. I need to push that back up though. Nothing beats having a good level of confidence to boost your performance level.

Anyway, I want to recommend a japanese drama title to all of you. Go catch 'Attention Please' if you can. It is available on Veoh.com. It is about a young girl who decided to become a cabin attendant because of her crush and gradually learnt about the significance of her job through the training process.

Okay break is over. Time to go back to my trumpet. Update again soon.

"Rest is essential, as is practice"
-Han Yong

Sick like a Dog

31st March 2008
Monday
Sick like a Dog

This brings us back to a couple of years back, when saying such things suddenly became popular among my group of friends.

We tend to describe things with comparison to a dog. Maybe because dogs are man's best friend?But the point is we taunt people using the animal (xxxxx's dog) and we describe things by comparing it to the animal (ugly like a dog). Why has the dog such a great influence on us?

Maybe because in chinese, we call lackeys 走狗. And the term dog sprung out of the chinese term. But what about descriptions? Well, I think it just happened because it sounded funky.

Anyway, I'm currently sick like a dog. With a bad cold that took me completely by surprise and a throat that's drier than the Sahara desert.

Anyone got fast remedies for such shit, please drop me a comment. I need to recover ASAP.

Oh, and I have PS on Wednesday afternoon.

"Life is about improvisation - making the best out of a bout of illness"
-Han Yong

神童（Shindo）

25th March 2008
Tuesday
神童

I just finished watching Shindo. Apart from gushing over Riko Narumi, this movie portrayed some of the vulnerabilities of being talented. We usually think that talented people have it easy. But when you know someone who is blessed with real talent, most of the time people refuse to acknowledge their talent and treat them like some weirdo.

That might or might not be true. It is merely based on my speculations that people are afriad of things that they do not understand. Does that really happen?

The few characters in Shindo represents a few elements in a person's life. There will always be the someone who motivates you and give you that little burst of energy to move forward. Then there is the one who relies on you for that motivation. And behind all of us, there is someone who supports us quietly, providing without ever asking questions.


I skipped school again. Partially because Music Appreciation lesson is simply too boring. And my PS got postponed to tomorrow at 2pm. I'm still thinking about the Schagerl trumpets, especially the C trumpet. To me, I still find the intonation hard to swallow. I guess I'll have to ask Smith tomorrow about the trumpets.

"Some emotions are better expressed through actions than words"
-Han Yong

Once in a while, you realise life isn't so bad after all

24th March 2008
Monday
Once in a while, you realise life isn't so bad after all.

Firstly, I apologise for the lack of updates. (Mostly due to my own laziness and addiction to WOW.) Addictions are evil things that eat away your time, this I have learnt.

Every now and then, I like to stop whatever I am doing and take a break, look back at my progress and evaluate. Usually all these leaves me in a pretty depressed state. I shan't elaborate on that. But recently, my evaluation caught me off guards and I saw a side of me which is much more positive than my dark personality.

For once, I saw massive improvement in my playing. It still needs a lot more work, but I am really pleased with where I am now after 3 months of hard work. Hard work really do yield results.

My audition to NAFA was on last thursday, 20th of March. The auditions went really well despite the many mistakes made during principal studies (PS) [I will be referring to PS quite often in my latter posts.] the previous day.

So audition day started off early in the morning at 8am. My audition time was at 9.45am so I had to come in early to warm up and get my chops working. I started off with reading Today newspaper. Irrelevant to the audition, but it helps get my mind working. Then at 8.20, warm ups begin with some stretching and arppegios. Tonguing exercises were next. By 8.40, lips and tongue were awake and fresh.

8.40 to 9am included reading through the score and last minute research on the piece, composer and arranger. 9am was theory lesson which I sat in with caterpillars in my tummy, waiting to become butterflies. 9.30 am arrived and I met Rebecca outside the classroom before going to the Gamelan room where auditions were held.

At about 9.45, I went into the room with Rebecca and things started to ease up from there. The butterflies that were happily fluttering away before entering the room flew away after I played a few notes to test the acoustics. Danza Movida was very successful and it sounded very much better than what I have ever played during rehearsals. Berceuse was the hardest bit of the auditions. Lucky for me, Mr Adams told me to stop before I got to the technical parts.

He gave some pretty encouraging comments such as "very musical performance", "beautiful tone" and some other stuff. All in all, the audition went well. Looks like my hard work is finally producing some results!

Out of the blue

8th March 2008
Saturday
Out of the blue

All of a sudden, my blogging frenzy returned. After countless days of having nothing to blog about, I suddenly have a few posts within a week.

My practice schedule has been pretty chaotic recently. Because of hours of choir practices and unholy bedtimes, I'm pretty much slacking off on my practices. I should be putting in more hours of work from now on. The results are showing now that I have quite consistent practices (minus one or two days off occasionally). And I am pretty much satisfied with where I am now.

I've been flipping through old posts and I realised that my blogging style has changed again. No more narratives. No more philosophical posts. No more rantings. Instead, it's all about looking back at the past now. That isn't good, although a little reflection every now and then does help a bit. I'll try to get rid of the new habits and revert to my old style, though here is another angsty and confused post.


My classmates are getting back their A' levels results. And here I am about to start year 1. My peers are about to graduate with a diploma in about a year's time. And the nearest diploma in sight is 3 years away. Am I on the right track?

I think my time will be better spent on moving forward rather than thinking about this question which has plagued me for more than a year. The amount of 'if only' questions I have asked myself can easily make up a full report by itself.

Secrets revealed!

5th March 2008
Wednesday
Secrets revealed!

You know you have been slackng on your blogging frequency when all you get frm your first sentence is typograpihcal errors, typographical erorrs, and more typographical errors. In the short span of one sentence, there are already four misspellings.

Away from the typo-s, here is another post to bring some life to this dull place. I seldom have time to post long posts, so the only other alternative I have is to do short bursts every now and then. Blame it on the limitations of the human body. I wish i could run on only 30 minutes of sleep everyday and still function at my best.

Everyone has had to endure some form of commitment or other. It might be work, or study, or relationship. Even blogging is a form of staying committed. Getting committed is easy. Staying committed is hard. For example, this blog has been running for almost five years now. But my posts are still coming, despite the low frequency.

Anyway the title of this post refers to how I have discovered a way to increase productivity while practicing. And how to maintain good chops. But the reliability of this method has yet to be proven. Well, after it has been verified and proven reliable, I will share it with everyone else.

"The only way to improve is to accept your mistakes and move on."
-Han Yong

Happy food

26th February 2008
Wednesday
Doctor's prescription: Happy food.

This place has been rotting for quite a while now. I realised that the analogy from the previous post was not the least bit accurate. Looks like i need more research before coming up with some accurate quizes.

Anyway, here's the gist of the post. Doctor's prescription: Happy Food. What on Earth is that? Well, that is my way of calling food that fuels the positive part of the soul. It sounds silly, but there really is such a type of food that exists. It may be different for each individual, but the feeling after consuming these type of food is akin to puffing on marijuana. My Happy Food gives me energy and positive feelings. It brings me back up to a positive energy level when I feel utterly devastated by a day of practice.

But as the saying goes, 'too much of anything is bad'. So even if Happy Food manages to save you from the abyss of despair once, twice, and even thrice, it might not happen every time.


Earlier on in the year, I mentioned that the Rat year will be tough, but the cheese will be worth it. Well, now that I have seen the toughness, I really want the cheese to be totally worth the effort.

Restraint

15th February 2008
Friday
Year of the Rat

This is a little late. But here comes the Lunar New Year wishes! I wish all my readers success in everything they do, be it studies, work or social life.


Since it is the year of the Rat, let me start this post off with some rat trivia. First off, a rat can last longer without water than a camel. I bet you didn't know about that. And talk about rising population. Did you know that rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants?

Useless trivia aside, the Rat year is a not so pleasant year for Snakes. The main prediction is that wealth and love life will have problems arising every now and then. And it is not a good year to take gambles involving money or any monetary matters. As for social and love life, singles will have problems finding a partner, and couples might have conflicts arising.


Throughout this not-so-festive period, I have exercised strict restraint on the amount of goodies I consume. And not surprisingly, I managed to get past this period without having a sore throat. Somehow the not-so-festive festive period seems rather enjoyable with less illnesses keeping me in bed. During this period, I have already distributed $98 of my wealth away through Mahjong and Blackjack. Talk about poor luck.


Fastforward to the present.

Today was Chingay preview. For those people like me who have absolutely no idea what is Chingay about, it is an annual street parade held in sunny Singapore as a part of the Chinese New Year festivities. It is primarily a parade of floats and other performances and is a major multi-cultural and international event.

Back to Chingay. I am singing in NAFA choir for the finale act which features a really nice song called 天网. And it really is my virgin time participating in such an event. I can't really say I am all that enthusiastic about this event, but if it generates revenue for the government by attracting tourists, what I feel about it does not really matter.

But just look at all the resources being wasted on the electricity spent, the props, the confetti, the stage risers, gallery seats, fireworks, and all the amount of energy and time spent on planning this whole thing. Can't we have this annual celebration held in a enviro-friendlier way? What good is portraying S*ng*p*r* as a tourism hub if all we can do is waste the Earth's resources to generate more money for the country's coffers.

Despite all the unwillingness to participate in this extravagant yearly event, I have no choice but to take part in it. But singing in choir is fun. Much more fun than playing in a wind ensemble. A change of surroundings every once in a while is no doubt refreshing, but still we have to return to our roots sooner or later.

Talking about roots just make my blood boil. It is sad to say, but I am utterly disappointed by my alma mater. Refer to previous post here.


To end of this horribly overdue post, here's an analogy for you guys to think about.

Imagine you are a drowning man at sea. A seaman casts you a lifebuoy and you hang on dearly to it. But the seaman refuses to pull you in aboard the ship. Instead he returns to his duties and checks on you from time to time. He sees you pulling the rope and getting closer to the boat and he threatens to cut the rope if you continue to do so. What will you do?

a) Hang on to the buoy and pray hard that the seaman will pull you aboard.
b) Let go and drift away, hoping to find another boat to save you.
c) Pull yourself towards the boat despite the warnings.

Drink less water, pay less money

30th January 2008
Wednesday
Drink more water?

Life has been crazy these days. I think I am putting on weight. I think I am being evil too. And not to forget about lack of sleep. Talk about dozing off during performances. Hah!

Finally I am blogging again about something new. Put the fishes and coffee away and move on to a new topic. For this post, the main topic will be about 饮水思源. For non-chinese readers, it literally means drink water and think of the water source.

饮水思源 teaches us to save more water, as PUB charges are steadily on the rise. The less water we waste, the more money we save. And who hates money? The more money we can have, the merrier we will be. And the same goes for companies and organisations.

Since young, I have been taught to save more water. In secondary school, there was this rock at the eco-pond that had the words 饮水思源 carved into it. That rock held special meanings for all of us. After years of living with the teaching, I was flabergasted that the teachings that I had once so believed in actually backfired on me!

Or to be exact, the organisation I am leading. Somehow, the main company decided to adopt the same kind of thinking and save more money from PUB bills. Other than cutting down wastage of water, the other obvious way would be to raise charges for the use of such facilities. Smart move.

The only thing they failed to realise was that in raising facility charges to ridiculously high levels, students such as us will have a tough time paying for it. Not that it matters anyway. If you can't afford it, then don't get it!

I guess the obvious choice now will be to go on without water.

X*nm*n alumnis will know what I am talking about.

Coffee and Fish?

20th January 2008
Sunday

It has been quite a long while since I last updated. Life has been pretty well, not angsty like some of you put it. The only complain I have is my ulcer which has left me mumbling instead of talking.

I was watching CNA just now and I came across this programme where they were talking about how a person's diet affects him. And a few of the experiments they carried out involved caffeine and fish.

We normally find that caffeine gives us an extra mental edge right? When that belief is put to the test, the subject that went for a week without caffeine showed no lower energy level than when he was still hooked on caffeine.

And a 3 month diet of fish caused stress levels to drop by 22% and anti stress hormones to increase by 12%. Wow.

I'm considering a caffeine free fish dominated diet. But I think I'll choke to death on fishes.

Burnout!

13th January 2008
Sunday
Burnout

Life now is like making a sandwich. You have to try and pack everything between dawn and dusk and try to make the best out of it. It is like a sandwich making competition where you try to get the best quality from every single item you put between that two slabs of bread.

And participating in such a competition requires stamina. I am picking up steam and I feel my momentum pushing me on. I hope I don't burn out before I reach the station.

I haven't really been treating everyone fairly recently. Partly because I am really irritated with almost everyone asking me if I am going to NAFA. It really gets on my nerves if everyone asks me the same question.

It is a long way ahead. I'll have to catch up with everyone else soon.

Busy flights.

12th January 2008
Saturday
Busy flights

I mean flights as in travelling. Not literally flight. Recently I have been really busy, and all my readers get from visiting my blog is a emo post staring back at them. Wow. Looking at the date of that post reminds me that I have not been blogging for 9 days. Damn.

Anyway, for the past couple of days, life has not been flowing too smoothly. I decided to cram my schedule to keep from emo-ing. And guess what? I think I overpacked it. Running from place to place, classes to classes everyday kept me really busy. So busy and tired to even think.

But thinking back now, I really cannot remember where did all my time go to. Was it spent wisely? Or did I burn it all up spending hours on things that can be completed in minutes. Somehow, these memories are a complete blank in my head.

The only things I remember is travelling long distances on the bus, walking home from Hougang, having dinner with friends, sleeping in lectures, and lessons with Smith. Where did the rest of my memories go to? Did I really put my brain to hibernate mode during the rest of the time? Wow. How come I always end the day exhausted then.

I am officially accepted into NAFA access course. But it means double the amount of effort and work needed. The trip to this point is not smooth without bumps. I had to endure a score of setbacks and hits to my ego. And now I that I have to start from scratch again makes it even worse. But I guess it is a lesson to me. To step my ego down until I have the right to maintain the ego trumpeters ought to have.

Till then, I guess I will be blogging back once in a long while.

****ed up period

3rd January 2008
Thursday

It feels weird to be typing 2008 instead of 2007. Somehow, the new year feels slightly less joyful as it should be.

Maybe I am going through a rough patch here. But it really feels as though there is a tow truck trying to tow my heart away. Should I be feeling this way? I was born inquisitive. And when there is something that I do not understand, I get pretty emo. Well, that explains the angsty mood of this post.

My mind is in shambles now. First day back at school, and I received a failing grade on my common test paper. Second day back at school, and I feel totally empty and simply skipped the lecture. How will my third day be?

Today I have been talking to friends that I have not been talking to for a few months now. Mostly the chatter is to find out what is happening in NP band. Seems like there is trouble brewing in the committee and among the year 3s. Not that I like them all that much. I am pretty anal about year 3s who thinks that they're the only one that matters. As for the rest, I pretty much don't give a cat's balls about what they think.

A little more transparency to let everyone see the shady stuff that is going on above the band please?

Within this fuckedup-emo-gay-shitass period, I cannot help but whine on my blog. This feels like a drug overdose although I have never tried drugs before.

My phone fucked up. And now I am stuck with a really basic phone with no MP3 or bluetooth functions. Not that I care much about technology. But it sucks to be struck with a situation where you have no other alternatives than to pick up any phone available and use it. I have a feeling that this phone will be my only phone for a long time.

I hope tomorrow's dinner will cheer me up. Cafe Cartel, it's all up to you now.

Goodbye 2007 Hello 2008!

2nd January 2007
Wednesday


If it isn't the post that was supposed to be the last post of 2007. But at least it is the first post of 2008 (after deleting the proxy post).

First off, summary of 2007. To cut the long story short, I'm going to list the number of significant things that happened. Some are masked due to sensitive reasons.

- Turned 18
- Received Open Water Diver's license
- Got rejected
- Retook 1 module
- Quit all the bands that I am in
- Thought of my future
- First puff on a cig
- First clubbing experience
- Decision to quit Poly and transfer to NAFA
- Met a wonderful group of friends
- Started proper trumpet lessons
- Gotten a MP4 player
- More new CDs
- More heartbreaks
- More ups and downs in performance
- Less meals
- Less time for everything
- First dive at Pulau Hantu

Bla bla bla about the emotional stuff. 2007 really seems so happening now that I am looking at it from the perspective of 2008. NOT. Like wow! More new CDs! Who gives a shit about that. And 2007 has been an angsty year for me.



Now for 2008.

Two days have passed. And already, my aims for this year are set quite high. Well, it really is now or never.

New Year Challenges:

Trumpet stuff
1) Extend my range to an A by May on my new embouchure. (Done in June 2008. But still can't control)
2) Master all my major and minor scales by March.
3) Improve my tone to better than before by April.
4) Manage the characteristic studies in the Arbans by August.
5) Improve my sense of pulse by January.
6) Improve articulation clarity by January.
7) Improve articulation speed to clear and even semiquavers in 120 bpm.

Diving stuff
1) Complete AOWs by May.
2) Go for leisure dive in Nov.
3) Improve air consumption rate.
4) Improve mobility underwater.

Other random stuff
1) Maintain my blogging frequency and blog content.
2) Be more active in doing my part for the society.
3) Be more active in conserving the environment.
4) Start exercising regularly.
5) Start sleeping normal hours.
6) Start eating meals regularly.

Sorry for wasting your time on such a useless post. =)