15th October 2008
Wednesday
...into the primal stage...
JEALOUSY and despair runs alongside frustration. Or so I believe. Along with a full array of other emotions, mostly negative. Negative negative negative.
I guess all that hate is reflected in my writings and my choice of music. Even the sound that comes out from the end of my trumpet sounds brutal and cold. Why, after thousands of years of evolution, can the human spirit lose its cool and go back into the primal stage where the basic instinct of fight or flight takes control.
Am I not giving my best afterall?
It might be sufficient for some people to sit back and cheer for others, but I want to be more than just that. I want to break through the barrier that separates the spectators from the participants. I want, I will and I must. If I can't, then I am seriously fucked.
"Like a mythological being, gazed upon with envy, yet never understood."
-Han Yong
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