25th June 2009
Thursday
Tonight will be a memory too; And a new day will begin
Another weird dream again. I was in some random guy's house, and you were there with a fever in one of the rooms using the computer in the corner. Then you opened a couple of MSN windows and posed me an IQ question, and I'm still trying to figure it out.
Thursday. School's starting in about a month's time. Meanwhile, I am completely penniless. Paying for my advanced open waters on friday, and that costs a whopping $480. How will I survive the next month?
Off to practice.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Quote by Ignacy Jan Paderewski
18th June 2009
Thursday
‘If I don’t practice for one day, I know it; if I don’t practice for two days, the critics know it; if I don’t practice for three days, the audience knows it.’ – Ignacy Jan Paderewski
That pretty much sums up my thoughts.
Thursday
‘If I don’t practice for one day, I know it; if I don’t practice for two days, the critics know it; if I don’t practice for three days, the audience knows it.’ – Ignacy Jan Paderewski
That pretty much sums up my thoughts.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Reflections
10th June 2009
Wednesday
Reflections from the water will reveal the truth
I sort of lost control over myself today. I got emotional over my results, and a couple of memories that were invoked by certain words. I know the current predicament I am in was brought upon by myself, and I only have myself to blame.
Liquor can't soothe the burns that has already occurred, and beer can't drown out all my frustrations. If I lived in a perfect world, I won't have to worry about the past, about results, about the future, and about the trumpet. But reality never fails to defy my imagined world. With not a single item flowing smooth, it really is a wonder why I keep persisting.
I've had enough of hiding behind excuses. I've had enough of people telling me that I am extremely fortunate to be doing what I love. I've had enough of people dusting me off like I am some worthless thing. I've had enough of being constantly compared to someone, and being looked at in disgust.
I am 20. I am a second year student in NAFA. I play the trumpet at a secondary 2 standard. I am doing badly at my studies. I can't juggle studies and my personal life. I have no idea where my future will lead to.
But fuck that shit.
I am sorry if this post is extremely self-indulgent, but this is about me, and it's all going to be about me from now on.
Wednesday
Reflections from the water will reveal the truth
I sort of lost control over myself today. I got emotional over my results, and a couple of memories that were invoked by certain words. I know the current predicament I am in was brought upon by myself, and I only have myself to blame.
Liquor can't soothe the burns that has already occurred, and beer can't drown out all my frustrations. If I lived in a perfect world, I won't have to worry about the past, about results, about the future, and about the trumpet. But reality never fails to defy my imagined world. With not a single item flowing smooth, it really is a wonder why I keep persisting.
I've had enough of hiding behind excuses. I've had enough of people telling me that I am extremely fortunate to be doing what I love. I've had enough of people dusting me off like I am some worthless thing. I've had enough of being constantly compared to someone, and being looked at in disgust.
I am 20. I am a second year student in NAFA. I play the trumpet at a secondary 2 standard. I am doing badly at my studies. I can't juggle studies and my personal life. I have no idea where my future will lead to.
But fuck that shit.
I am sorry if this post is extremely self-indulgent, but this is about me, and it's all going to be about me from now on.
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Results
6th June 2009
Saturday
3am in the morning...
Here I am, sitting at my laptop, with a litre of Erdinger beer in my belly. I am holding the letter which contains my examination results in my hand. But I am extremely hesitant about opening it.
Here's an update on my academics. I failed Theory 1B due to attendance problems. And I screwed up my Principal Studies module. History should be fine. But apparently, my part was the least prepared and had the least materials in the group. And for group evaluations, I have been consistently getting the lowest out of the group. Aural was pretty much a major fuck up. My ears seemed to be taking an off day during the examination, and I am only confident of getting the rhythm segment perfect.
But I have to face the truth sooner or later right? So here goes nothing.
...
...
...
...
...
Ok. Fuck. I don't feel like updating anymore.
Saturday
3am in the morning...
Here I am, sitting at my laptop, with a litre of Erdinger beer in my belly. I am holding the letter which contains my examination results in my hand. But I am extremely hesitant about opening it.
Here's an update on my academics. I failed Theory 1B due to attendance problems. And I screwed up my Principal Studies module. History should be fine. But apparently, my part was the least prepared and had the least materials in the group. And for group evaluations, I have been consistently getting the lowest out of the group. Aural was pretty much a major fuck up. My ears seemed to be taking an off day during the examination, and I am only confident of getting the rhythm segment perfect.
But I have to face the truth sooner or later right? So here goes nothing.
...
...
...
...
...
Ok. Fuck. I don't feel like updating anymore.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
June Update
4th June 2009
Thursday
The past month was totally horrible. If I was an ostrich, my head would have already been buried under 6 feet of sand.
Exam was a total flop, extreme embarrassment to myself, my teacher, and the standards expected of me. Why? Probably due to nerves. Let me recall what I thought of it immediately after stepping out of the examination room.
Basically whatever I had rehearsed came out only a third done. The comments sheet are released, and I'll do another update on what the officials say.
Been rather hooked on the sun and the beach. I guess this is a prelude to dive trips. I really can't get enough of the sand, sun, and sea. Sadly, no booze.
Had sentosa outing with Y Y Quack, W R Goh, and Z H Koh in the afternoon yesterday. Following the hours of soaking in the dirty water with the slimy sand, we went to meet up with the four girls, namely Christine, Pei Wen, Shirmain and Kosin at Plaza Singapura for dinner.
After a heavy meal at Sakae Sushi, we sat outside Fish n Co and they surprised me and Kenneth with two slices of cake (still sitting in my fridge as I type), and a bag each. I received a really nice puma bag to go along with my puma sneakers. Thanks for the gift!
I think it is time to start saving, and stop wasting money on needless expenditures. In the month of May, I totally blew it, and ended with less than $12 in my bank account, and only about 45cents in my wallet. That isn't even enough to take a bus these days. All the miscellaneous expenditures are unavoidable, but the entertainment expenditures should really be reduced.
Therefore, target for June : to end the month with at least $150 left in my bank account.
Alright. Update ends here. Till the next time I decide to update, please make do by watching Hell's Kitchen on youtube.
Thursday
The past month was totally horrible. If I was an ostrich, my head would have already been buried under 6 feet of sand.
Exam was a total flop, extreme embarrassment to myself, my teacher, and the standards expected of me. Why? Probably due to nerves. Let me recall what I thought of it immediately after stepping out of the examination room.
Went rather badly. Got stiff lips halfway through and the fast piece sounded
tight and lots of mispitches. And I panicked at some of the fingering bits. I
didn't get the style and feel right for the Carmen excerpt, and pulse and
intonation was off. Overall screwed up big time, and air wasn't flowing right.
Basically whatever I had rehearsed came out only a third done. The comments sheet are released, and I'll do another update on what the officials say.
Been rather hooked on the sun and the beach. I guess this is a prelude to dive trips. I really can't get enough of the sand, sun, and sea. Sadly, no booze.
Had sentosa outing with Y Y Quack, W R Goh, and Z H Koh in the afternoon yesterday. Following the hours of soaking in the dirty water with the slimy sand, we went to meet up with the four girls, namely Christine, Pei Wen, Shirmain and Kosin at Plaza Singapura for dinner.
After a heavy meal at Sakae Sushi, we sat outside Fish n Co and they surprised me and Kenneth with two slices of cake (still sitting in my fridge as I type), and a bag each. I received a really nice puma bag to go along with my puma sneakers. Thanks for the gift!
I think it is time to start saving, and stop wasting money on needless expenditures. In the month of May, I totally blew it, and ended with less than $12 in my bank account, and only about 45cents in my wallet. That isn't even enough to take a bus these days. All the miscellaneous expenditures are unavoidable, but the entertainment expenditures should really be reduced.
Therefore, target for June : to end the month with at least $150 left in my bank account.
Alright. Update ends here. Till the next time I decide to update, please make do by watching Hell's Kitchen on youtube.
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