Walking along the street that I used to walk, looking at the happy schoolkids walking together by the road. I thought of the times when I was still young and without worries, walking this way everyday. Talking and joking with my friends as we made our way towards the bus stop.

Walking past the school that had kept me out of trouble for 6 years, I saw myself once again as a kid, awed by the size of the school. And that quadrangle that I had sat through so many mornings and afternoons. The canteen that held all the fond memories of birthday celebrations, farewell parties and not forgetting the annual teachers day when all our classmates return to sch. The basketball court that we played so many matches in.

All these memories came flooding back to me as I wandered aimlessly around my old neighbourhood. Everything looks so different now. I went to the interchange and thought of the times when I was waiting for bus number 87. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Nai Yu or Wing Yee. I remembered the fun we had on the bus playing and laughing and often creating a nuisance for the other passengers. I remember the friends that we made on the bus, the frequent coincidental meetings that brought us closer. I remember the nicknames we gave each other. The plans we thought up to disturb the unfriendly students from some other school.

I remember the past days. The days when I was having a crush on Wing Sum. The days when me, You Sheng and Ming Zhi were having hanging out at all sorts of places. The play that we tried to make. The para para dance moves that we were practicing. The coffin made of aluminium foil.

Now, there is no chance of reliving the primary school experiences. The memories will always remain as memories. And they will forever be kept close to my heart.

Special Christmas update today! Don't say I never update for so long la.. Long is for 1 or 2 years than called long...my last update was just 22days ago ma..

Okay here goes... Throughout this year, there has been many ups and downs. I would like to take this opportunity to thank some people...

Ppl of E7^hUaT^aH - Pioneers of E7!!! Thanks for everything this amazing class have given me.. People dun underestimate us ok!!! Later u get beaten up by shengle and gang then too bad so sad.. haha..

XMSB^CoRnEt - Woohoo! Tough competition here! Everyones fighting to be the best and needless to say, we are the best of XMSB!! YEAH!!!! haha.. All thanks to this fighting spirit that we have, we have been improving tremendously as a section and as individuals! KEEP IT UP XMSB^CoRnEt!!!

XMSB^TrPt - YEAH!!! You heard me!!! XMSB^TrPt is born!!! haha.. Made up of me and Ray, this new sub section will prove to be one of the best in XMSB. People! BEtter WatCH oUT fOr
Us!!!

XMSB - Not forgetting this wonderful organisation that all of us have put in so much effort and time.. Let us show the school and other bands that we did NOT get gold last SYF because we were 'LUCKY'.. and show the teachers that our practices are fruitful and stop grumbling about our practices!!!!!!!

Special thanks to my somewhat closer friends - Qinglun, Hui Qi, Joyce Chng (liying), Joyce Yin(shuxiang) and Wei Hui...

Thanks to my friendly seniors who guided me through my early days of sec 3 - Hou Teng, Ceyao, Francine, Wei Sheng, Eileen, Terence, Kenneth, Renny, Grace and Yong Bin..

Thanks to my direct senior SuJin for coaching me.. and thanks to his direct senior Daniel Kiang too..

Thanks to the alumni members who have been so supportive of the band - Daniel, Su Jin, Shuping, Yaoming, Gui Zhi, Yee Sin, Qiong Qiao and Zhi Hao... You have brought the band to this standard and we will continue to keep it at this standard...

Thanks to XMSB^CoRnEt and XMSB^TrPt seniors who came back to teach us - Su Jin and Shuping... Your care for XMSB CAT (cornet and trumpet) is greatly valued... Feel free to come back and join us..

Thanks to my fellow capable leaders - Leon, Wei Qin and Valerie.. The band would be soo disorganised without you guys (and gals)...

Thanks to the caring conductors - Mr Brando Tan and Mr Darence Leng... Thanks for all the training and talks that u did. Thanks to Mr Leng for all the crappy jokes u told us... Try not to be too lame or else u need a wheelchair...

Thanks to the supportive teachers in charge - Mrs Song, Mr Ng, Mdm Foo, Mdm Ida...

Very big thank you to the 2 teachers who have brought up the band but are not here with us anymore - Chikgu Jaiton and Mr Tan Ping Hock... Without you, the band wouldn't be possible...

Ok I'm here to set some aims for the band and each section.

Starting from now, all band members will set up their instruments, stands, files and everything within a certain time limit.

Tuba : 4mins
Euph: 3mins
Trombone: 3min
F Horn: 3mins
Cornets: 3mins
Oboe: 3mins
Flutes: 3mins
Saxophones: 3mins
Clarinets: 3mins
Percussion: 12mins

Any longer than that, the whole section gets punished after band.

Ok just a couple of days to the Band Camp~! WAHAHAHA.. Can't wait...

Today went to school to unpack the band stuff. But ended up listening to CDs and slacking =X We did lots of stuff liao ma.. Then settled the dorms for the camp.. Everyone will be slping in the band room but guys one side girls one side.. Divider to seperate the room..

Then taught Yiang Shan how to throw the mace.. Blah blah blah.. the @#$% field was so wet!! Then went shopping for the BBQ stuff with Leon Milk and Fariz.. But on the way we met Ray TS Eug and CC at the basketball court and ended up playing basketball =X Argh!! Then play bball tt time accidently whacked by finger and then it started swelling.. Now it can't bend fully.. grr....

After the basketball accident, Me Leon Fariz Milk went on to Hougang Point to continue our shopping... haha.. got two trolleys then fooled about inside NTUC!! So fun!! But couldn't buy everything because we didn't know how to choose the sweet potatoes! LOlX!! Then we pushed one trolley with all the stuff inside to Milk's house and then put the stuff.. Then what to do with the trolley? We pushed it to the other NTUC branch because we still had stuff to buy.. Then there got no trolley parking thing!!!! So we just left the trolley outside.. =X Went in then we realised that we still didn't know how to choose the sweet potatoes!! Haha then Leon bo bian call Adeline ask her.. Bought the stuff liao then we quickly ran off.. Haha.. Think the trolley is still there..

Me at NCO last year.. Just trying out new program

C minor - You enjoy your own company and tend to be
glum and depressed. You have the ability to
modulate to a more content key, your mellow and
pitying attitude is probably not the way to
reach it!

what key signature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So it boils down to this... Change or give up...

Why is it like this? Becaus people are AFRAID of making mistakes. Even if you make mistakes, what will happen? Will you lose anything? No. The true way of learning is by making mistakes. The bigger the mistake, the better. Every mistake made is a lesson taught.

PEOPLE!!!! MAKE MORE MISTAKES!!!!
THis way, you can learn MORE effectively. Do NOT be brainwashed by the education system... It is teaching you to FEAR making mistakes. And that is NOT what we want.

Learn to do things without the conductor ASKING you to do it!!! this is called INITIATIVE!!!
Many people know what is initiative but they don't take the initiative to do things.

Be willing to SACRIFICE a little for the good of an organisation!!
Being in the band is not about YOU. It is about being a TEAM. And being in a team, you must be prepared to give up somethings for the BENEFIT of the team.

Purple: Yours is a rare aura. The rebel and
nonconformist, you don't care what other people
and are often considered shocking and
outrageous. You see life from a different
perspective than most people you know, but you
are completely at peace with your beliefs. You
are intuitive and like to explore. You can be
compassionate and are prone to temptations.Secret emotion: Aggression and Imagination

What color is your aura?
brought to you by Quizzilla

Ok. Its been ages sinced I last blogged.

The school term is over ( FinALlY!!!) and holidays are here. I have been doing some self improvement over this period of time and all this is sparked off by the Super Teens motivational workshop! LOlx!!!! OK... back to topic.. My results are average... ~>_<~ Not too good not very bad.. you get the picture.. hahaZ!!!!!

NCO '04 POP was nice but I pity the DMs and BMs of this year.. LOLX they get lesser time to TAN than our batch ( NCO '03 ) haha and less time to interact with each other..

Been busy busy busy these days, rushing out the camp booklet, training basic foundations, training air and stuff.. Next month will be same too.. then its gonna be hectic lifestyle for the rest of next year..

Philyouth will be my target for next year and I'm working hard towards it.. Hope I can get in..

SPI forums is becoming my cyber hangout already lolx!! I'm an active member of SPI and will continue to be.. But to the extent of trying to be part of the Elites? We shall see about that..

Well, hope I'll be blogging again soon..

Woohoo! Got back my practical results today.. I got 126~! 4 marks short of distinction.. But nevermind.. I'm glad that i passed with a merit!!

A great load lifted off my shoulders. Finally Chinese exams are over! Yay! And I actually gave myself one day off! (actually its not a big deal considering the fact that i give myself 1/4 day offs almost everyday) Went to catch the New Police Story with JunLiang today. After that I rushed back for A Maths tuition. Then I start flapping. Less than a week to Science(Chemistry) Exams and I STILL don't know how to do my chemistry! And A Maths was horrendous. Really don't know how am I gonna survive this EOY exams. HAIZ...

The practicals has passed for about 2 weeks already. Which means I'm gonna receive the results soon! Argh. How will fare for it? Really hope I can do well. Better not to think so much about it.

I guess its time to stop wallowing in self pity and seriously consider how I can change. A few things I need to do.

1. Change the way I do things.
   
2. Change my attitude towards life
3. Plan ahead for the band.
   
4. Plan ahead for my future.
   
5. Work towards my goals
   

At present its just these. There'll be more in times to come.

Lots of stuff have been happening these few days. Its mostly band stuff that's getting to me. A whole bunch of people are threatening to quit if changes are not implemented.

Why is this happening? Is it really because band sucks? I don't think so. It is because people are unhappy with each other. Maybe a tinge of jealousy. But this is all because of relations between people. And a big problem of communication.

How can we stop this from happening? It all boils down to understanding of each other. What do I mean by understanding? Its not just what some people like, what some people dislike. Understanding is putting oneself into the other person's shoe and feeling the problems that the person faces, the pressure he/she is under, the jobs he/she got to do. And its not just the leaders who needs to be understood. Leaders also need to understand their members to know who they are leading and how to lead them.

Philharmonic Youth Winds Audition Criteria

• Age below 25 year-old
  
• Wind Players:Major scales up to 3-sharps & 3-flats
  
• 2 contrasting 16-bar passages (one fast & one slow)
• Sight-reading

Can I get in?? Well, I hope so. Best if I get recruited.

Please. If you all want to fight or argue over stuff, do it someplace else. Stop flooding my tagboard. Don't force me to set the blog to private.

People come and people go. Whats the big fuss? Its just a matter of time until someone close leaves us. Seniors graduate, but that doesn't mean the end of the friendship right? Graduation just marks a new chapter in a friendship. If the friendship is true, no amount of distance will make a difference. Whats with all the tears and stuff? The only difference would be that in the future, seniors would come back not in Xinmin uniform but in their JC uniforms or home clothes.

Does life really suck that bad? Or am I just pessimistic? Maybe its just being realistic and down to earth. Better than dreaming about things that can't happen.

I feel like crying now. My comp got infected by some trojan stuff, then had to be reformatted. My MP3 collection of 200 over pieces at 1.4 gigs was deleted! And the worst part, I DID NOT MAKE ANY BACKUP COPY!!! Argh... What the hell, I think I'm just not fated to do music serving. haiz.

What the hell. If you want to complain about something, do it in front of me. Don't do it behind my back. Stop being such a coward.

Seriously thinking of resigning from my post. What's the point of being a leader when I can't lead? And there is so much conflict between the leaders. Things will be much better without me around.

Blinded

Shut up. Just shut up.

What is life?
Walking on and on along a path with no end. A path which all people walk along but with no destinations. All will end sooner or later. And still others will be on their journey. Journey to what? To where? No one knows. No one cares. Just walk .
A race in which all run in. A race with no finishing line. A race till the end. A race without any winners. In other words, a hopeless race. Why run if thats the case? Running for what? For who? No one knows. No one cares. Just run.

Regrets. Regret joining band. Regret touching the trumpet. Regret going to Xinmin. Regret joining band again. Regret knowing some people. Regret not studying hard. Regret wasting so much money on concerts. Regret being so enthusiastic in band. Regret...

So much changes. Power crazy? Abusing authority. Stop it. Backstabbing. Using friends to achieve your hidden goals. Ass. Selfish. Cunning. Sly. Bitch. Immatured. Repulsive. Can't you see the band is falling apart? Sooner or later you will realize that people hates you. And what will you do? Blame it on someone else. Say its their fault that they don't like me. Its what they choose to do. But what made them make that decision? Its your attitude. The attitude that you have developed after tasting power.

Just wanna say sorry to everyone for everything I have done wrong. I know that life sux and that everyone makes mistakes. So forgive and forget ok?

Is band life that cold? How many true friends do I have? In band I don't think there are many that can be considered as true friends. Mostly the friends I have now can only be classified as aqcuaintances. True friends are indeed hard to find.

Having to handle the responsibilities and stress of being a leader is not that easy. Now I finally understand the amount of pressure the previous BLs and SLs had to go through.

You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah I'm a slacker right? I don't do anything for the section needless to say the band. And everything I have done so far is negligable? Ok, if thats the case, why don't you people try to take the initiative to do something?

Well, it seems my own personal blog has becomed into a blog for band politics. Haiz. What can I say?
I guess my workload will be increasing soon as *some* people have started to hate band so much. If you hate band so much, why not just quit band? Quit complaining. If you have so much energy why don't you use it to change the band instead of whining like a loser. If all you can do is whine, I seriously look down on you.
Whats the use of crying over spilt milk? We have to make do with what we have now. If we are going to carry on dreaming about the past, we will never get far in life. Look ahead to the future. Think about the things we can do. The changes we can make. The improvements that will happen. Everything that will happen in the future is decided by the actions that we take now.
Splitting the band into performing band and training band will not help Xinfony V much. The performing band members will have to play for the whole concert in both performing band and training band parts. Do you expect half the band to play with a tired embouchure? Their playing will get sloppy and will eventually drag down the whole band.
An alternative to this is to set up an alumni band, which will play on their own or with some of the present members, to perform some pieces. With the alumni band, training band and the ensembles, Xinfony V can be covered easily.
The alumni band will play a few pieces, which will take up about 30mins, the ensembles will occupy another 20 mins, 15 mins interval, then the training band will have a much shorter performance.

I don't really encourage the idea of splitting the band into training band and performing band.
By doing so, the training band members will feel neglected and will not have a sense of belonging. As a result, the band's morale will suffer greatly.
After splitting, the performing band will improve faster and the training band will not improve as fast as the performing band. This creates a big gap between the performing band members and the training band members. After the performing band members graduate, who will take their place? The present training band members? Will they be up to it if they are neglected in the training band? Therefore splitting the band is not a good idea.
Also, after splitting, the members of the different bands will spend less time together and feel less united as a band. As mentioned earlier, the training band members will feel neglected and will not have a sense of belonging.
Although splitting the band means that the performing band can play more pieces and provide a more interesting repertoire for concerts, it is not worth sacrificing the future of the band for it.

22nd March 2004,

What I have seen today really disappoints me. Why can't you control yourself? Each time you stop playing, you talk. Aren't you tired of talking? Do you have that much crap to talk about?
You see the person in front holding the baton? Have you any respect for the conductor? Be it student conductor. Or whoever. If you don't give a damn about who is standing in front, at least respect the baton. The baton is an object that should be respected by all musicians.
It’s only a matter of time till the teachers, conductors or the leaders blow up. And that won’t be too far.

You people resent the things Brando is doing now. But I do not agree with your thinking. Do we have to do these because Brando hates us and picks on us? No. It is because the band is just too ill-disciplined. And people are not doing what they should be doing.
Some can still be strolling in at 4pm. And during practices, people can be doing homework, talking and stuff. Even the leaders ( old and new) does that. When there are announcements to be given out, you talk. When you are told to do something, you complain. What is this? You still call yourself a band member?
Band is supposed to be a uniform group. Yet we can't compare to NPCC or BB or any other uniform groups. People take ten seconds to form up. Us? We take more than ten minutes. People loitering here and there when they are supposed to be having sectionals.
Why can't we change? If we were more disciplined, things can be done more efficiently. Practices can be ended more early. There will be less practices a week. You people will not have so much stress from the leaders, Brado Tan, Darence Leng and the teachers in charge.
Can anyone of you even go outside and proudly say that you are from Xinmin Symphonic Band? No. I doubt anyone of you even dare go out proudly in your band uniform.
Xinmin Symphonic Band used to be a gold band. But after the seniors left, we are crippled. You blame the seniors for not teaching you all properly. But think again. Do you even have the motivation to learn? If yes, you would find means and ways to improve yourself. Because of people like these, our band's standard has dropped so low that now, we are not even comparable to a COP band.
Why? Because we are not motivated enough to even make a small effort to be disciplined.
In that case, why have you joined band in the first place? If you are not prepared to give, then join some clubs and not the band. Since you are already in here, you should be giving your best.
You know what Brando said to me just now? He said, the band is shocking. The woodwind sections can't play. The clarinets can't play. The saxophones can't play. You still call yourself a band?
Seriously, you people need to do a bit of reflecting on your actions. You think you are right? No. I think not. This is the wrong kind of attitude to give. Carry on like this, and the band will surely fall.

Slogging over the scores and rearranging them to convenience others. Yet all you could do was to hurry us the moment you came in. Whats this? Have you even lifted a finger to help with the section library? Have you even help teach the juniors? Have you done your role as a senior? You complain about others mixing up your scores. But have you ever taken the initiative to search back your scores? You expect people to be doing all your stuff for you. Think about others. We are doing this for the whole section. And you keep hurrying us because you want to go home early. I'm really having my doubts now.
You always leave us when we are in need of you. Even when you are around, you always have bad moods and not play. You are drifting away from us bit by bit. You think you know us. But do you really? You tease people. But have you really thought of their feelings before? Words come out of your mouth. Some are insignificant, some are hurting. Some are insulting, some are fawning. Do you really think before you speak?
You always claim to have things going on. Does that make you special in any way? Other people have their own lives to lead. You have yours too. Other people has to study, go for tuition, go for CCA and take part in other activities. So do you. What makes you so unique? If other people can manage their time well without complaining, so can you. Out in the society, no one will ever give way to you. Its a dog eat dog world out there. To survive, you just have to manage your time well and not complain about every single thing.

Have a lot of things on my mind, but I just can't type it out here. Feel so tired and sick. Can't wait for the March holidays.

"HAIZ"

These few days very tired. Not just tired tired, its like I'm left without any energy. No mood to do any other things. Totally exhausted. My throat is getting better as time passes. Tomorrow will be the release of the committee list. Don't know what to expect. Guess I won't be in. I can't talk, I can't lead, I can't teach. What else? I can't do anything. Just want to escape from everything. A world with no troubles. A world with no worries. A fantasy world. But I know that this will not happen. No such place exists. What else can I do now? Everyday has the same routine for me. School, band, tuition, homework and revision. There just isn't enough time for rest.

"HAIZ"

Had band just now. Totally exhausted. The new recruits had their chosing of instruments. Took very long. So tiring. Then I had to run around looking for spare instruments. Cassandra and Farhan posted to trumpet. Hunted around 15mins for the cornets. Then finally gave them Cornets 1 and 2. Then joined the main band playing "Under the Sea". Sight read the 1st trumpet part. So damn easy but I just can't count the rests. Having lots of things on my mind now. SS structured question test coming soon. And guess what? I failed another paper. History 12/25. Damn. That makes 7 papers failed. Keep worrying about the band. Have our standard dropped so low that we can't even produce a good 30 minute repertoire? What are we going to do for Xinfony V then? Are we to resort to such simple pieces? Its really insulting the Gold award we claimed last year. No. We MUST improve. No matter what.

Chinese newspaper paper - 31/100
2nd Chinese test - 40/90
1st E maths test - 9/25
1st A maths test - 11/25
2nd A maths test - All wrong...
Chemistry test - 2/20
History test - 12/25

So tired. Came home today at 10pm. Really no mood to do homework. Lucky I did some just now at tuition. Well, at least I got my voice back. Bad sore throat. Got to drink more water. Plus I'm just so tired and sleepy now. Can't resist the temptation. Blog some other day. I need rest.

I feel so lost. What are we living for? Living aimlessly. Doing the same stuff daily. Bugged with lots of problems. What will we achieve by living this life? What can we achieve? Nothing. Living a life with no goals, no dreams, no aims. Wandering about aimlessly, lost among the crowds. People talk about dreams of being doctors, lawyers, teachers. But what really is your goal in life? Think again. What have you really achieved when you successfully reached your ambition.

Brando. Why do this? Change band from Sat to Wed. Now got to rearrange schedule. Weekends will be so free. Unless have band on Sat for drills only.
Feel so useless.
Today took sec ones for drills. My voice almost gone. Voice gone hoarse. Luckily, after awhile my voice alright.
Just had a long chat at the playground with Jun Liang, Chiang Chin and Eugene. Discussing about what we are going to do after the Balloon Hat Festival on the 14th of March. And then talk about some other stuff. Hours passed very quickly. From 7 talk till 8.30. Very long winded.
What did I feel just now? Out of a sudden, I got goosebumps. Looked around but saw nothing. But I could feel that something is nearby somewhere. Even on the way walking to my block. I keep seeing glimpses of shadows. Maybe its my eyes playing tricks on me. But I keep having this uneasy feeling. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.

Great. Now my whole Saturday is gone. :'( From morning to noon, gotta take care of the recruit band. Then after that got break in between. Later its main band rehearsal. All the way until 5.30. Great huh? And the worst thing is, this arrangement is starting this Saturday! Off all days to start. 14th Febuary. Can't have any plans already. All thanks to the new arrangement.

6 weeks into sec 3 and i have already failed 6 tests.
Chinese newspaper paper - 31/100
2nd Chinese test - 40/90
1st E maths test - 9/25
1st A maths test - 11/25
2nd A maths test - no marks (but all qns wrong =P)
Chemistry test - 2/20

Great start to the year. Wish my grades would start improving soon. Tomorrow is the first history test. Aiming to score at least a C. Good luck to me.

Yesterday something terrible happened. Today another one. Just 8 hours ago, the name list for the confirmed members was released. As I expected, my name was not in there. When I saw the list, I felt a mixture of emotions - sadness, anger, jealousy, etc... But after calming down and thinking, maybe being dismissed is better for me. A blessing in disguise? I hope so. At least I wouldn't be so busy even on Sundays.

Ok. First it was bear bear. Now its 'Honey'. All thanks to Shaffen for breaking up my name. Hanyong into Hany ong and then calling me the hany part. -.-lll Lame right? Still pondering over how I'm gonna give her the Valentines gift.
These few days keep on gastric. Then headache. Feel so sick. Just yesterday, got a severe headache. Couldn't think nor do anything. Argh. Gastric again. Nevermind. I go eat some stuff first. If there is time i come back later and write another entry.

Today band damn tiring. After hours of lessons, went to band room then chase everyone to set up before Brando Tan comes. Was supposed to take the band for warm up first, but Brando came just in time. So didn't conduct. Played 1st for Kiroro today. With Ray playing the first solo and me playing the second. Listening to the solo I played gives me a sense of satisfaction. Well, at least i played a solo. Better than last time when I can't even play a duet or solo. How would the brass quintet practice tomorrow go? Who knows. No one can predict the future. Just hope that all would go well and Xinfony V will be as great as the last few Xinfony concerts.

Guess what? The Xinmin Brass Quintet '04 has been approved! Haha. Although it isn't any new news, not everyone knows about the formation. Good news must share with everyone right? Yeah! Hope we can improve our playing and prepare an item for Xinfony V and school events. And this year sec one batch looks quite promising. Believe they can be better than their seniors. All the best Xinmin Symphonic Band!

Ok. I guess I really shouldn't flood my blog with my thoughts and feelings.

Secondary one band recruits had their orientation today. Why am I such a failure. I can't even handle a simple task of drawing out their enthusiasm. I really sux man. *sobs*

Into the second week of the school term. Feel that what people say can be really hurting and demoralising at times. Why can't people think before saying something. I'm really tired of all these. So what if its the last class. Stop "suaning" me like that. I am a human being too. I too have feelings. Treat me as you would have people treat you. Learn to care and think for others. You are not the only one living on this planet. The world does NOT revolve around you. So what if you're in a better class. Does it mean you are one level above me? No. Stop puncturing my morale. No. Just keep quiet if you have nothing good to say. Yes. Just shut up.