30th May 2007
Wednesday
Two chances one too many

It is so maddening to know that one mistake can be judged by others for a long time and by yourself for a lifetime.


Do you believe in giving second chances to others? Do you believe in accepting second chances?


The society we are in preaches about offering second chances to people. But how successful is this "second chance" thinking among people?



Student A is a regular secondary school student who have problems with his studies. He hangs out with friends who smoke and spout vulgarities all the time. People associate him with those gangsters even though he is not a gangster.

One day, student A fails his exams and has to repeat an academic year. He regrets that he has wasted a year studying things that he could have left behind already. In his repeat year, he studies much harder and stops hanging out with his old friends. He also cuts down the time spent on his CCA and hobbies.

In this new academic year, the new class Student A is in looks down upon him as a repeat student. To them, he is not smart enough. He is someone who has failed to meet the minimum requirements to at least promote to the next level. To his previous class, he is someone who is not as smart as them. He is someone who is inferior to them because he is a retainee.

The luxury of this second chance given to him by the school does not encompass the thinking of his peers. The perception of him, that everyone else has, does not change. Instead, it gets worse. He is thankful for the second chance he has gotten from the school. Yet the second chance robbed him of his personal life.

This short scenario depicts a hypothetical situation where one person receives a second chance that affects him adversely. Second chances are not as simple as it seems. Whether you accept a second chance or not, affects the way you will be treated. Everything comes with a price. And usually, that price is costly to pay.

When a person gives you a second chance, it does not mean that everyone else has done the same thing.

Random.

24th May 2007
Thursday


I have learnt that the higher you are, the more people you will affect. It does not really matter whether you affect them positively, negatively, directly or indirectly. The main focus is the amount of influence you have over them.

One word from someone up there can affect dozens, even hundreds of people below. The lives of hundreds of people can be affected by a simple statement by one single person. Scary thought.

But what about that person up there? Let us think in another manner. If that one person up there has fifty people under him, and he issues an instruction to everybody. There can be two outcomes from this scenario.

Case 1:

1. Everyone follows the instructions and do their best.
2. Productivity increases.
3. The higher ups see results.
4. Everyone is happy.

Case 2:

1. Everyone creates problems by refusing to follow instructions.
2. Efficiency decreases.
3. The higher ups see the problems caused.
4. They decide to screw the person in charge of the fifty people.
5. That guy realises that he's being screwed from below him and above him because the people under him is not doing their job.
6. That guy then screws the people under him.
7. Everyone is unhappy.

Simple right? Usually people look at results. If they see results, then everyone is happy. If what they see is not what they want, they will find a person to take the blames. Everyone wants a person to blame. But what about that "scapegoat"? Does anyone ever wonder how he feels?

When the people under him creates problems for him, he have to bear responsibility for the problems caused. He has to find ways to solve these problems. He has to answer to the people above him. He has to think about the steps he should take so that such problems will not arise again.

That is the reason why having a leadership position sucks.

22nd May 2007
Tuesday
Anger Management

I am damn pissed off by the current situation I have on my hands now.

From now on, I will not bow down to anyone if the fault does not lie with me.

From now on, I will always CC myself a copy of any emails I send out as evidence that I have sent out the email.

From now on, I will work on a "you give me shit, I give you shit" basis.

From now on, I will accept apologies only if I feel the sincerity in the apology.

From now on, I will live a life not influenced by others but myself.

This is my resolve.
This is my choice.

21st May 2007
Monday
Of feigning illness and existentialism.
I skipped ED today. Might be skipping the rest later. I'm so tired of school. I can't believe I actually woke up today feeling optimistic and happy. Then I thought of what I was looking forward to for today. And my mood just took a 180 degrees turn and I just felt sick.

My life is seriously lacking substance. What is it that I seek? What is it that I crave? What is it that will fill the void in my life?

A few days ago, I was chatting with someone online. She told me it was all about time management. This brings me back to reality. Time management is possible only when you have control over your own time and responsibilities.

In my case, the control over my responsibilities are affected by many people. Which means I do not have sufficient control over the time taken by these responsibilities. Which in turn means that time management is not possible.

This thinking could be an excuse for me to push the blame to other factors. But I have already reached the limit. I am breaking down psychologically and physically. To the extent of me skipping school.



My mind has been wandering about randomly for the past few days. As a result of this random thinking, I have somehow linked breaking up with moving house. Weird combination. But in some ways, breaking up is like moving house.

When you move from one place to another, you feel lost. As a stranger to a new estate, you long for your old neighbourhood. You long for the familiar sights and sounds. The former hangout places where you and your friends congregate. You miss everything from your old home. And so, you try to preserve that image in your memory.

Time goes on. You still miss that place where you spent your childhood years in. But as you return to the place you once loved, you realised almost everything has changed. Reality differs from that image that you have stored in your memory.

Then you realise. Everything moves on, regardless of how many images you have preserved in your heart. Once you are away, changes occur, with or without your knowledge. Somehow, you feel left out. Alone in a new world.

So what I am trying to say here with this comparison is that with one chapter's end, another chapter's will begin. Although you might be unable to let go of the past, moving on is inevitable. If you insist on reading and re-reading the chapter that has ended, you will never discover what the next chapter has in store for you.

Live or lived. Your choice.

A single idea can change a life story
-Han Yong

20th May 2007
Tuesday
Overdue post - Diving trip 13042007

For today's post, I will attempt to share my Dayang trip, which is horribly overdue by a few months. Stay focused and read on.

On black friday, the 13th of April, I went down to Mohamud Sultan Road to meet up with the divers going for the trip. We set off in this minibus and suffered a lengthy road journey to Mersing Jetty. After the torturous land journey, we boarded our dive boat - Pelaris. The journey on Pelaris was interesting. The sundeck became our beds as we laid there and stared at the starry sky. The night sky is really something. Apart from the fact that the stars filled the skies from one horizon to the other, we managed to spot a few constellations and a hell lot of shooting stars!

We arrived at Pulau Dayang the next day around 4am. Following our disembarkment, we were sent to our rooms to get some shut eye. (From this point onwards, you'll know why divers put on weight)

First breakfast! Breakfast is breakfast. I can't say much about breakfast. Next event after breakfast is first dive of the trip. We boarded the Pelaris, and set off for our first destination - Sembukang. Geared up, and took a giant stride off the boat at 1115. First dive was spent with basic skills such as half mask clearing, regulator retrieval, Controlled Emergency Swimming Ascent, and some other stuff. During this dive, we finned around a bit and saw a few cuttlefish and a gulfish. Surfaced at 1210 after spending 55 minutes underwater.

Lunch! Right after first dive, is lunch. Lunch is lunch. Nothing much to be said here too. Boarded Pelaris again and departed for Lang Bay. Dive two commenced at 1444. Basically this dive was to practice our fin pivoting and hovering skills. Current was pretty strong and we were fighting against the current rather uselessly. Exited water at 1538 after 54 minutes underwater.

Guess what's next? Tea time!

Well, the rest of the dive was pretty much the same. Dive, eat, dive, eat and so on. Now you people know the reason why most divers are chubby!

The most memorable event of this dive would be the school of fusilier. It really is amazing to see a whole school of fishes around you. Imagine you swimming in the sea. Suddenly you see a wall made up of fishes. Yeah, it was something like that. The only difference is that you can swim into this wall and the wall will move away from you. I had the privilege of being surrounded by the fishes when the other divers were chasing them. The experience was beyond words. Fishes all around you. Up, down, left, right, front, and back. All fishes. Damn pretty sight.

I'm missing the feeling of being in the water already. Of having absolute freedom in all axes of rotation. Of being able to explore a new world where not many people have experienced first hand.

All my friends, please go pick up diving and then we can explore this new world together!

Freedom is just a giant stride away
-Han Yong

7th May 2007
Monday

School's been treating me real good. Even being late for 40 mins, I still get marked as present! That is good in the sense that the risk of me being debarred is lower. But I still miss out on the lecture.

Why does all this current situation seem so familiar? It looks like something that happened before. Politics exist in every organisation. Why must politics exist? Why can't everything run smoothly according to plan? Why must we take into consideration all worst case scenarios? Why must we all be prepared for Murphy's Law? If everything runs smoothly with no glitches, Politics would not occur.

Oh well, this is life. Even if we disagree with what happens, we have no power to change anything. Yesterday I was reading some old newspaper and read about a US judge who sued a South Korean couple for a pair of missing pants. The amount the judge asked for is ridiculous. I mean, how many million bucks are you going to ask for a pair of pants? Even if your pants pockets are filled with diamonds, making such a demand is really out of the world.

5th May 2007
Overdue post
Secret Celebrations

The fellowship has spoken. The verdict - to publish a post dedicated to a secret celebration with contents portraying the inner thoughts and emotions.
And so, I serve my sentence.

Two days back, a simple sms came through informing me of a dinner appointment in the City area. For another outing with a family of friends, how could I refuse? So I agreed to meet the 十兄弟s.

Labour day, 1st May 2007, I arrived at City Hall MRT and met Wei Ren who led me to the rest of the siblings. Peiwen and Shirin were missing and I was told that they could not make it for the gathering. What I was not told was that they had gone to buy a cake for me. So the surprise they had plot went according to plan and after dinner, the missing two suddenly appeared with a cake and sang a birthday song for me.

Needless to say, I was touched (its not everyday you get a birthday celebration specially for you). The celebrations went on as celebrations would. That included candle blowing, candle biting, cake cutting, cake smashing, cake eating, presents presentations and not forgetting cam whoring! The siblings gave me a black Adidas watch, a pair of boxers, and a really sweet folder with birthday wishes and messages inside.

Although my birthday itself was mundane, the belated celebrations was far from being mundane. A beautiful bout of celebrations.

Thank you my family of friends! = )

谈钱伤感情，谈Band伤友情。
-Han Yong

Questioning the basis of understanding.

For a long time, I have wondered why the red is red, green green, and blue blue. Does everyone look at the same thing? Does a single object look identical in everyone's visions? How about sounds? Tastes? Texture?

I believe many people who have read my previous post will have absolutely no idea about what I am trying to say.

What I mean is whether an object of a certain shape, size, colour, texture, smell, will appear to another person to be the same.
Does everybody see a watch to be the same watch? Does a shade of red appear to be the same shade of red? How sure am I that what I see is what others see?

Also, is the colour red red because many people agree that it is red? Or can the colour red be proven that it is red through some means where the senses of individuals are not taken into consideration? How else can one be sure that what he is looking at is the truth, and not a mere distortion of the truth?


This question is raised in the context of band once again. How do you know if your views at something is the same as the person next to you? How sure are you that you are doing the "right" thing when there is no clear definition of the "right" thing? What appears to be "right" to you might be "wrong" to the person next to you.

How can you trust your basic senses when you have no way of finding out whether your basic senses are sensing the same things as everyone else?

I know I am not making any sense here. But if by chance you read my post, and manage to understand my rantings, please explain them to me because I do not know understand what I have written so far.

4th May 2007
Friday
Emotions. Rants. Outbursts.

The time now is 2am. I have lessons at 8am later, and I have a test which I have yet to study for. I have designs to come up with for posters, and also parts to split. I have band practices to coordinate and concerts to prepare. I have negotiations to handle. I have two additional blog entries to write.

I am not a full time designer, section leader, practice coordinator, concertmaster, negotiator, or a writer. I am a student. My current role in this phase of life is to study. To study and learn more about dead mechanical parts. To understand the mechanics of equipments that I will never use.

I am a student struggling to survive in this world. Trying to get a bloody piece of paper so my life will not be labelled as a "useless" one in the perspectives of others. I am a retainee fighting to stay on in this school and in this course. I am the weakest link, but I fight for a job with the elites. I am sick and tired of people telling me that "you are shit without those papers."

Although I do not believe in these shit, but I once made the mistake of saying these words. From my own mouth, these words have turned around and forced me into a one way road. A road of stereotyping. A path which forces me to move with the flow. A choice that takes away any shards of uniqueness that I have ever possessed.

I am tired. So tired that I might collapse anytime.
Will I finally give up?

"When a person can believe in anything but himself, his belief is of no value."
-Han Yong