24th June 2007
Sunday

But can he really abandon his faith, his belief, and his trust in himself, and all that he has known? He had thought of running away from all these. And running away solves nothing. Or so they say. Oh, the dilemma gripes him. A truce might be possible if his enemy was someone else. But how was he to establish a truce with the demons within him? Even now, his insides burn, driving insane. Burning with the knowledge of things beyond him. He knew things. Yet, he understood not. The only reason for all these that he could see was his fluctuating state of emotions.

Emotions that had led him on a wild goose chase for a seemingly impossible goal. A hunt for the rarest of pearls in the deepest oceans. A search for the brightest diamonds in the darkest mines. His emotions brought him to nowhere. His emotions brought him nothing. Nothing but desolation and fury and sadness all rolled into a single form. Even so, he reached out in the confusion, seeking redemption for all the misgivings he ever had.

I just wish I had the strength to carry on. To have faith in my skills. To believe in others. To trust the world.

It scares me with the knowledge that behind the facade of smiles lies a facade of tears. And beneath that, a demented soul waiting to quench the fires of life ever beating in a steady pulse, akin to the bass of a march.

And family and friends and acquaintances. Does no one see the blatant truth that lies in front of them?


The truth that the one here is losing his heart and mind and faith to carry on.

"Would you trust your head, or would you believe your heart?"
-Han Yong