22nd March 2004,

What I have seen today really disappoints me. Why can't you control yourself? Each time you stop playing, you talk. Aren't you tired of talking? Do you have that much crap to talk about?
You see the person in front holding the baton? Have you any respect for the conductor? Be it student conductor. Or whoever. If you don't give a damn about who is standing in front, at least respect the baton. The baton is an object that should be respected by all musicians.
It’s only a matter of time till the teachers, conductors or the leaders blow up. And that won’t be too far.

You people resent the things Brando is doing now. But I do not agree with your thinking. Do we have to do these because Brando hates us and picks on us? No. It is because the band is just too ill-disciplined. And people are not doing what they should be doing.
Some can still be strolling in at 4pm. And during practices, people can be doing homework, talking and stuff. Even the leaders ( old and new) does that. When there are announcements to be given out, you talk. When you are told to do something, you complain. What is this? You still call yourself a band member?
Band is supposed to be a uniform group. Yet we can't compare to NPCC or BB or any other uniform groups. People take ten seconds to form up. Us? We take more than ten minutes. People loitering here and there when they are supposed to be having sectionals.
Why can't we change? If we were more disciplined, things can be done more efficiently. Practices can be ended more early. There will be less practices a week. You people will not have so much stress from the leaders, Brado Tan, Darence Leng and the teachers in charge.
Can anyone of you even go outside and proudly say that you are from Xinmin Symphonic Band? No. I doubt anyone of you even dare go out proudly in your band uniform.
Xinmin Symphonic Band used to be a gold band. But after the seniors left, we are crippled. You blame the seniors for not teaching you all properly. But think again. Do you even have the motivation to learn? If yes, you would find means and ways to improve yourself. Because of people like these, our band's standard has dropped so low that now, we are not even comparable to a COP band.
Why? Because we are not motivated enough to even make a small effort to be disciplined.
In that case, why have you joined band in the first place? If you are not prepared to give, then join some clubs and not the band. Since you are already in here, you should be giving your best.
You know what Brando said to me just now? He said, the band is shocking. The woodwind sections can't play. The clarinets can't play. The saxophones can't play. You still call yourself a band?
Seriously, you people need to do a bit of reflecting on your actions. You think you are right? No. I think not. This is the wrong kind of attitude to give. Carry on like this, and the band will surely fall.

Slogging over the scores and rearranging them to convenience others. Yet all you could do was to hurry us the moment you came in. Whats this? Have you even lifted a finger to help with the section library? Have you even help teach the juniors? Have you done your role as a senior? You complain about others mixing up your scores. But have you ever taken the initiative to search back your scores? You expect people to be doing all your stuff for you. Think about others. We are doing this for the whole section. And you keep hurrying us because you want to go home early. I'm really having my doubts now.
You always leave us when we are in need of you. Even when you are around, you always have bad moods and not play. You are drifting away from us bit by bit. You think you know us. But do you really? You tease people. But have you really thought of their feelings before? Words come out of your mouth. Some are insignificant, some are hurting. Some are insulting, some are fawning. Do you really think before you speak?
You always claim to have things going on. Does that make you special in any way? Other people have their own lives to lead. You have yours too. Other people has to study, go for tuition, go for CCA and take part in other activities. So do you. What makes you so unique? If other people can manage their time well without complaining, so can you. Out in the society, no one will ever give way to you. Its a dog eat dog world out there. To survive, you just have to manage your time well and not complain about every single thing.

Have a lot of things on my mind, but I just can't type it out here. Feel so tired and sick. Can't wait for the March holidays.

"HAIZ"

These few days very tired. Not just tired tired, its like I'm left without any energy. No mood to do any other things. Totally exhausted. My throat is getting better as time passes. Tomorrow will be the release of the committee list. Don't know what to expect. Guess I won't be in. I can't talk, I can't lead, I can't teach. What else? I can't do anything. Just want to escape from everything. A world with no troubles. A world with no worries. A fantasy world. But I know that this will not happen. No such place exists. What else can I do now? Everyday has the same routine for me. School, band, tuition, homework and revision. There just isn't enough time for rest.

"HAIZ"

Had band just now. Totally exhausted. The new recruits had their chosing of instruments. Took very long. So tiring. Then I had to run around looking for spare instruments. Cassandra and Farhan posted to trumpet. Hunted around 15mins for the cornets. Then finally gave them Cornets 1 and 2. Then joined the main band playing "Under the Sea". Sight read the 1st trumpet part. So damn easy but I just can't count the rests. Having lots of things on my mind now. SS structured question test coming soon. And guess what? I failed another paper. History 12/25. Damn. That makes 7 papers failed. Keep worrying about the band. Have our standard dropped so low that we can't even produce a good 30 minute repertoire? What are we going to do for Xinfony V then? Are we to resort to such simple pieces? Its really insulting the Gold award we claimed last year. No. We MUST improve. No matter what.

Chinese newspaper paper - 31/100
2nd Chinese test - 40/90
1st E maths test - 9/25
1st A maths test - 11/25
2nd A maths test - All wrong...
Chemistry test - 2/20
History test - 12/25

So tired. Came home today at 10pm. Really no mood to do homework. Lucky I did some just now at tuition. Well, at least I got my voice back. Bad sore throat. Got to drink more water. Plus I'm just so tired and sleepy now. Can't resist the temptation. Blog some other day. I need rest.