Slogging over the scores and rearranging them to convenience others. Yet all you could do was to hurry us the moment you came in. Whats this? Have you even lifted a finger to help with the section library? Have you even help teach the juniors? Have you done your role as a senior? You complain about others mixing up your scores. But have you ever taken the initiative to search back your scores? You expect people to be doing all your stuff for you. Think about others. We are doing this for the whole section. And you keep hurrying us because you want to go home early. I'm really having my doubts now.
You always leave us when we are in need of you. Even when you are around, you always have bad moods and not play. You are drifting away from us bit by bit. You think you know us. But do you really? You tease people. But have you really thought of their feelings before? Words come out of your mouth. Some are insignificant, some are hurting. Some are insulting, some are fawning. Do you really think before you speak?
You always claim to have things going on. Does that make you special in any way? Other people have their own lives to lead. You have yours too. Other people has to study, go for tuition, go for CCA and take part in other activities. So do you. What makes you so unique? If other people can manage their time well without complaining, so can you. Out in the society, no one will ever give way to you. Its a dog eat dog world out there. To survive, you just have to manage your time well and not complain about every single thing.

Have a lot of things on my mind, but I just can't type it out here. Feel so tired and sick. Can't wait for the March holidays.

"HAIZ"

These few days very tired. Not just tired tired, its like I'm left without any energy. No mood to do any other things. Totally exhausted. My throat is getting better as time passes. Tomorrow will be the release of the committee list. Don't know what to expect. Guess I won't be in. I can't talk, I can't lead, I can't teach. What else? I can't do anything. Just want to escape from everything. A world with no troubles. A world with no worries. A fantasy world. But I know that this will not happen. No such place exists. What else can I do now? Everyday has the same routine for me. School, band, tuition, homework and revision. There just isn't enough time for rest.

"HAIZ"

Had band just now. Totally exhausted. The new recruits had their chosing of instruments. Took very long. So tiring. Then I had to run around looking for spare instruments. Cassandra and Farhan posted to trumpet. Hunted around 15mins for the cornets. Then finally gave them Cornets 1 and 2. Then joined the main band playing "Under the Sea". Sight read the 1st trumpet part. So damn easy but I just can't count the rests. Having lots of things on my mind now. SS structured question test coming soon. And guess what? I failed another paper. History 12/25. Damn. That makes 7 papers failed. Keep worrying about the band. Have our standard dropped so low that we can't even produce a good 30 minute repertoire? What are we going to do for Xinfony V then? Are we to resort to such simple pieces? Its really insulting the Gold award we claimed last year. No. We MUST improve. No matter what.

Chinese newspaper paper - 31/100
2nd Chinese test - 40/90
1st E maths test - 9/25
1st A maths test - 11/25
2nd A maths test - All wrong...
Chemistry test - 2/20
History test - 12/25

So tired. Came home today at 10pm. Really no mood to do homework. Lucky I did some just now at tuition. Well, at least I got my voice back. Bad sore throat. Got to drink more water. Plus I'm just so tired and sleepy now. Can't resist the temptation. Blog some other day. I need rest.

I feel so lost. What are we living for? Living aimlessly. Doing the same stuff daily. Bugged with lots of problems. What will we achieve by living this life? What can we achieve? Nothing. Living a life with no goals, no dreams, no aims. Wandering about aimlessly, lost among the crowds. People talk about dreams of being doctors, lawyers, teachers. But what really is your goal in life? Think again. What have you really achieved when you successfully reached your ambition.

Brando. Why do this? Change band from Sat to Wed. Now got to rearrange schedule. Weekends will be so free. Unless have band on Sat for drills only.
Feel so useless.
Today took sec ones for drills. My voice almost gone. Voice gone hoarse. Luckily, after awhile my voice alright.
Just had a long chat at the playground with Jun Liang, Chiang Chin and Eugene. Discussing about what we are going to do after the Balloon Hat Festival on the 14th of March. And then talk about some other stuff. Hours passed very quickly. From 7 talk till 8.30. Very long winded.
What did I feel just now? Out of a sudden, I got goosebumps. Looked around but saw nothing. But I could feel that something is nearby somewhere. Even on the way walking to my block. I keep seeing glimpses of shadows. Maybe its my eyes playing tricks on me. But I keep having this uneasy feeling. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.