13th March 2007
Tuesday
...that one thing that will make my life worth living...

Pardon me if this post is going to sound depressing. I ain't my best today. This post is inspired by what somebody said just now. I can't really remember what he said, but what he said made me blog this entry.

How many people actually achieve something in life?
How many people can lie on their deathbeds with a smile, and proudly say that he or she has lived life without regrets?
How many people can live life without fearing death because they know they have already achieved what they meant to achieve?

The answer I'll give to these answers - Almost none.



People always say they want to achieve something great, they want to make it big. But most of them just say it. Do they actually know what they want to achieve? What do they want to make big? So, they are saying they want to achieve something. And that "something" can be anything. Quite a directionless statement.


We live each day, in search of a way to achieve "something" of a certain value that is worth recognition. We live each day, in search of that one thing that will give our life meaning. In search of that one thing that will make all our suffering and injustice all worth it.


When we know what is it that we seek, we can take initiatives in accomplishing these desires, our targets become what we know as goals. These goals give us a direction in life. They give us meaning in life. Goals give us a reason in life. In short, goals give us life. Without goals, life will be directionless. Life will be meaningless.



Having said this much, I have a confession to make. I have not found my desire in life, so forget about having a goal. I live life a day for a day. And each day I criticise my thoughts and actions. Each day I end up thinking and regretting having wasted another day of my life. I think about ending this meaningless life.


But then I remember about the one thing that will make my life worth living. Maybe that thing, whatever it is, does not exist. Maybe I have already found it, just that I have not realised it yet.



No matter what, I will continue searching for the reason to my existence.


Life is a privilege. Not an obligation.
-Hanyong

12th March 2007
Monday

An extremely short post before more animes.

Went out with Beatrice just now to catch the movie "pursuit of happyness". The movie was okay. Not fantastically good, but passable. And Beatrice was, well, like herself.

I'm having a bad feeling. Can't place it anywhere though.

One sided? Most probably
-Hanyong

11th March 2007
Sunday

There should be philyouth practice today. But since David Glosz is not able to make it. He asked us to have sectionals. However, Mr Yeow said that there is no practice. Since there is a breakdown in communication, the best way out is to take advantage of the benefit of the doubt and not show up at Lasalle.

Therefore, to fully utilise the many free hours that I have now, I shall watch more movies on a marvelous website www.crunchyroll.com.

Feel free to check it out.

Signing off,
Hanyong

8th March 2007
Thursday
The last words I said to her was "Ahma, 我走了."

The demise of a beloved grandmother

On the 4th of March, Sunday, I went to visit my grandmother. She looked so weak and fragile. And she had difficulties breathing. Throughout the whole visit, she just laid there with her eyes closed, breathing hard. I had no idea as to whether she could hear me or not. The last words I said to her was "Ahma, 我走了。" Two days later, on the 6th of March, our beloved grandmother left us. She departed at 0707 on a Tuesday morning.

The arrival of a new life

7th of March, Wednesday, my niece came into existence. She is my sister's second child, and has not been given a name. I have not seen her yet, but I'll post some photos of my nephew and niece soon.

Maybe I will post something else later, or on another day. But these two updates will suffice for now.

6th March 2007
Tuesday
Rantings of an underachiever

I aimed high.
I had dreams.
I want to fly.
I want to soar.

But too bad.
Reality's like that.
You never achieve enough.
At least, you never achieve enough to be recognised.

5th March 2007
Monday
The plant will grow where the fruit falls.

We are all born into families that we cannot choose. Be it rich families, poor families, broken families, big families, or small families. We never had any right to choose which family we were going to be in. Some people might be deemed "luckier" than others because they were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. While some have to go through a rough time in a problematic family. But since we are all here already, we might as well make the best out of it.






I walk the streets everyday with a mask.
A mask that portrays my identity falsely.
A mask that acts as a defence for my pride.
A mask that kills my confidence.
A mask that acts as a barrier between me and the world.
A mask that tells everyone I'm fine when I'm obviously not.




But who really knows the face behind the mask?
被遗失的我，再也找不到自己。

2nd March 2007
Friday
Maybe it will be all worthwhile if I just put my 100% into everything.

Ngee Ann Polytechnic Brass Quintet.

Their vision is to become a leading performing arts group among institutions in Singapore.

Their goal is to bring out the soloist in each individual and develop ensemble skills in each member.

Their pledge is to bring enjoyment in music appreciation to the mass, music orientated or not.


Can they succeed in their vision? Can this organisation achieve its goals? Will they uphold their pledge? In time, we will give fair judgement to this organisation and answer these questions unanswered.


Thus I end my senseless post.

When eyes that water fails to tear.