10th May 2009
Sunday
I held your hand, but you asked me to go. I sensed the bitterness in your words and the acidity in your gaze. Do you really hate me so?
I have been having sleepless nights, probably because of the upcoming exam on monday. My mind is running all over the place, and when it does get settled and I drift off to sleep, I get weird dreams.
I still can't get the triplets in Danza Movida to move in time. And my articulation is barely under control. When it comes to excerpts, Pines of Rome scares me. It really scares the shit out of me. How do I play high and controlled, with the feeling of such openess and freedom, and the vision of a breeze blowing through a pine forest?
I know I am panicking. I have every good reason to panic. I screwed up my scales last sem, and got a C. Now, I have to do better than that and get at least a B. But its just a horrid nightmare repeating itself over and over again. Everyday I see myself walking in to the pink room with Joseph (the pianist), and then messing up the entrance to piu mosso and rushing at all the triplets and stuff. It's just freaky.
Oh gosh. I hope everything runs smoothly tomorrow.
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