Just bad

6th may 2009
Wednesday
You are deemed to have failed. Chew on that.


I have been feeling pretty fucked up all the while now. Am I giving myself too much stress? But even so, it is simple things like pulse and rhythm. No excuse to mess those up. And also it has been almost 16 months since my embouchure change, and guess what? I am still hiding behind that excuse! Oh would you just give me a slap for that please?

School is nasty these days. I have just failed my Theory Ib even before sitting for the paper. Due to attendance issue, "you are deemed to have failed this module". And with certain staff within the music department, hostility is still running high among the students. Oh, my attendance failure has certainly got to do with them.

But I gave up caring shit about what goes on in school. What is the point of making a whole lot of fuss and making everyone unhappy, but you still cannot play your principle instrument? I have decided that losers will just have to shut the fuck up and simply take all the shit that is dished out to them.

So, one night before the supposedly Theory Ib examination day, I am here blogging, and whining about shit. That makes me an even bigger loser. And then I will whine more. Thus begins the endless cycle of being a big loser.

Funny how some people can make others feel totally worthless just by doing what they do. It just comes so naturally, that even with you hard at work, it seems that never in 27153 years will you be able to produce the same quality with such ease.

Totally clueless about my future. All is fucked? Just the norm.