4th May 2007
Friday
Emotions. Rants. Outbursts.

The time now is 2am. I have lessons at 8am later, and I have a test which I have yet to study for. I have designs to come up with for posters, and also parts to split. I have band practices to coordinate and concerts to prepare. I have negotiations to handle. I have two additional blog entries to write.

I am not a full time designer, section leader, practice coordinator, concertmaster, negotiator, or a writer. I am a student. My current role in this phase of life is to study. To study and learn more about dead mechanical parts. To understand the mechanics of equipments that I will never use.

I am a student struggling to survive in this world. Trying to get a bloody piece of paper so my life will not be labelled as a "useless" one in the perspectives of others. I am a retainee fighting to stay on in this school and in this course. I am the weakest link, but I fight for a job with the elites. I am sick and tired of people telling me that "you are shit without those papers."

Although I do not believe in these shit, but I once made the mistake of saying these words. From my own mouth, these words have turned around and forced me into a one way road. A road of stereotyping. A path which forces me to move with the flow. A choice that takes away any shards of uniqueness that I have ever possessed.

I am tired. So tired that I might collapse anytime.
Will I finally give up?

"When a person can believe in anything but himself, his belief is of no value."
-Han Yong