14th March 2007
Wednesday
...then the truth kicked in.

A couple of days back, my parents were pestering me to look for a job. I was so irritated by them that in the spur of the moment, I blurted out this sentence.

"No qualifications how to find work!?"

And after I said that line, the topic turned towards my academics. I have never told myself that in order to be successful, I had to have qualifications. But somehow, something inside me thought that way.

Today, the results for the semestral examination was released. I failed one module. The results for the other modules were a little better. But equally disappointing. My GPA for this semester is 2.6200. I have to repeat my failed module next semester.

When I first gt the news, I felt nothing. Then the truth kicked in. Inside, I feel terrible. I want to cry it all out. But tears just refuse to flow. I want to do better. 2.62 is not enough for me. I stare at the F on my result slip, hating myself for being so useless. I hate myself for being so stupid.

I am afraid. No matter what we believe in, this society calls for qualifications. If you do not have the qualifications, you can forget about getting a good job.

I am afraid of what is going to happen to me. I am afraid of what is going to happen to my future.

What if I cannot even get a diploma?
How will my life be?
Will I end up like my brother selling insurance?
How will I be able to answer to everyone around me?



My life does not belong solely to me.
-Hanyong