15th February 2007
Wednesday
Reliving the past

Slightly less than two years ago, I wrote a narrative essay as preparations for the GCE 'O' level examinations. It is a short work, with emotion development as its primary focus. Hope you will enjoy reading it here.

GIFTS

“This is a hijack! All of you! Gather in the conference hall now!” The masked man barked. Panicking, the passengers pushed their way to the meeting room. The passengers huddled together in fright. We were herded together with the passengers into the hall. Squatting in an awkward position, I looked at my captors, searching for any signs of weakness. When the pirate with the only automatic rifle turned in the opposite direction, I leapt up and pounced onto his back. Somehow, my fingers found a way into the man’s eyes. Taken aback by this sudden retaliation, the other pirates shouted in confusion. The rest of the ship’s crew also used this chaos to overpower the other pirates. I saw the captain, strangely familiar, ramming the butt of a fire extinguisher into the face of a pirate. Suddenly, the blinded pirate suddenly backed into the wall, crushing me. In pain, I released my grasp and dropped off his back. He turned a full 180° and swept a stream of bullets in the direction I was in. I felt two sharp stabs in my left chest and an antagonizing pain gripped me.

“Ah!” I screamed as I bolted upright in my bed, drenched in sweat. The dream was so realistic that I could still feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins. I reached over and picked up my handphone to check the time. Three pm. “I’ve been asleep for almost 2 hours now. Well, it’s high time to get to work.” Just as I was about to settle down in front of my notebook, the doorbell rang. Who could it be?

It was a pleasant surprise to see my father’s captain standing in the doorway. My father was a technician aboard the “Sea Rhapsody”, a five star cruise ship with the finest décor. My attention was immediately drawn to the parcel that he held in his arms. It was fairly big and was wrapped in a fierce yellow wrapping paper that screamed for attention. I had almost forgotten that it was my 21st birthday today! Happily, I looked upwards into the eyes of the captain with the intention of thanking him. Instead of a warm, friendly smile, all I received was a grim expressionless face. All of a sudden, the image of the captain from my dreams appeared in my mind. The resemblance was uncanny. Could it be the same person? Hesitantly, I greeted him and felt a bad premonition.

“Ms. Li? I believe we have met before. Nevertheless, I have to make a formal introduction of myself. I am the Captain of the “Sea Rhapsody” aboard which your father, Mr. Samuel Li, worked as a senior technician. I regret to inform you that your father has been fatally wounded in a hijack. He was a brave man who led the crew in a desperate retaliation against the pirates. The pirate whom he tackled broke free of him and swept a volley of bullets around him. Your father was hit in the chest and his lungs were punctured. His last words were to take a letter and a box of gifts to you on your 21st birthday, which falls on this day. Your father then passed on. Ms Li? If there’s anything I can do for you, please let me know.”

This shocking piece of news came crashing into me as I felt my knees buckle under me and I collapsed onto the floor.

“Ms. Li!”

Everything went black.

When I woke up, I noted that I was lying in my bed. Beside me was the yellow box. Then the truth came rushing back to me. Out of the blue, I remembered my dream. Eerily it seems, my dream appeared to be a replay of the course of events that happened on board the “Sea Rhapsody”.

How could it be? My father is… Dead? No. This isn’t happening! He can’t leave me here like this. He promised to be back to celebrate my 21st birthday with me!

* * * * * * * * *

“Angie. Dad will be going to sea for another two months. I promise to be back in time to celebrate your 21st birthday with you.”

“What? You’re leaving again? Why must you always leave me for such long periods of time? Do you know how I feel facing an empty house when I get back from school? Have you ever shown care and concern for me?”

“Must all the conversations we have always wind up in this manner? You know I must go. Our family’s economic situation requires me to do so! Care and concern? Spare a thought for me please. I laboured so hard to support you through your education and you question me like that?”

“Fine! Go and never come back! You’re always away. I almost have forgotten that I had a father. Just get out! Get out of my life! I hate you!”

* * * * * * * * *

That was the last conversation I ever had with him. I replayed the scenario in my head again, savouring every bit of his rich tenor voice. Why did he have to work out at sea? Ever since Mum died five years ago, the family had been in a wreck. Dad lost his job as a ship builder and the family sunk into debts. Dad finally found a job with a cruise company as a ship technician. We finally cleared our debts and our lives became better. But Dad was seldom home. He would be back for about a month before leaving for another two months. But I knew he was right. He had no choice. It was just that I could not accept the fact that our family was already shattered.

Recalling the last conversation rekindled the anger in me. I hated myself for letting him go. Returning to reality, I stared hard at the box. What could he have given me?

Taking in a deep breath, I reached towards the green ribbon that was tied around the yellow parcel. “Green and yellow? Yuck! This is such an ugly colour combination.” I exclaimed in disgust. Trying hard to ignore the green ribbon, I willed my trembling fingers to undo the ribbon.

The contents of the box were revealed as I removed the cover slowly. Nestled safely in the box was a bloodstained letter with a tear in the side, a leather bounded book and a jewelry box.

I picked up the jewelry box with unsteady fingers. Wasn’t this Mum’s? I remembered seeing this box when I was still a young girl.

* * * * * * * * *

“Darling? Does mummy look pretty?”

“Mummy! You look just like an angel!”

“Thank you sweetie. Do you want to look as pretty as Mummy?”

“Yes! Can I? Can I? Please!”

Smiling, Mum brought her jewelry box to my face and showed me the many exquisitely crafted accessories that she had treasured over the years. Picking up a beautiful diamond earring, she put it on for me.

* * * * * * * * *

No doubt about it. This was the exact jewelry box that belonged to mum. Why is it here? We sold the antique box and the contents years ago to pay off the debts we owed. Opening the cover, I found the inside containing only a diamond ring which gleamed under the fluorescent lighting. Beneath it was a handwritten note in my father’s handwriting. In a daze, I picked up the note and read it under the soft lighting.

“Happy birthday Angie! It’s your 21st birthday today. I hope you like this ring that I’m giving to you. I once promised you something special for your birthday. Remember? Recognise this jewelry box? Yes. It’s Mum’s. After working hard for so long, I have managed to buy it back from the antique collector that had bought it from the antique shop. This is my special gift for you in addition to the ring.”

A ring can never replace the time you spent away from me. No amount of money can purchase the feelings that I was deprived of. Why retrieve Mum’s jewelry box? The past is gone. Why hold on to something you know you can never get back again?

Numbed, I placed the ring back into the box and set it aside on my bed. I picked up the next item – the old leather book.

This was an item I had never come across before. Curious to find out about the contents, I opened the book to the first page and saw some words written in cursive. ‘A picture depicts more than a thousand words’

I turned the page and saw our family photo – me, Mum and Dad. The picture was taken two weeks before Mum died in that car accident. Looking at the smiling faces, familiar scenes came back to me…

* * * * * * * * *

“Dad, Mum, lets eat.”

I picked up the pair of chopsticks and was about to start eating when Dad placed a large clump of fried kangkung in my bowl.

“Eat more vegetables its good for you.”

I looked at him and stuck out my tongue. I hated vegetables. When I was young, Mum had to force me to eat my greens. Upon seeing my comical reaction, Mum and Dad both laughed.

* * * * * * * * *

Dinners now would be much quieter. I choked back my tears. No use crying over spilt milk. What’s past is past. I have to be strong to face the future… alone. The thought of being alone brought another wave of tears. Blinking rapidly, I tried to push it back down where it came from.

I closed the album and placed it beside the jewelry box. Not knowing what to expect next, I picked up the letter. The sight of the bloodstains on the letter sent chills down my spine. I noted the tear by the side. The tear was somewhat rounded and it tore a small bit of the paper. The rounded sides reminded me of the Math chapter ‘Circular Measure’. The sides of the tear were bent outwards as though an object of high velocity had passed through it. Could it be… the bullet?

I could not stand it anymore. I needed a breath of fresh air. Slipping the letter into my pocket, I left my house. I walked aimlessly and got on a bus. After half an hour on the bus, I looked out of the window and saw the open sea. I got off the bus and walked mindlessly towards the rocky coastal barriers.

I sat down and removed the letter from its envelope. I unfolded the letter slowly; afraid of finding out what happens next. The condition of the letter was terrible. There were large blotches of blood, smudging the words.


“Dear Angie,

I’m sorry for neglecting you over these few years. It has been hard for you and also for me. Our life has never been the same since Mum left us. But all I’ve been doing is for your sake.

Anyway, I wish you a happy 21st birthday. I’ve prepared a couple of gifts for you that I think you might like a lot. It’ll be a surprise for you. I’m not telling you what they are. It wouldn’t be called a surprise then.

I’m resigning from my job after this trip to spend more time with you. I hope you could forgive me for what I did in the past and allow me to make it up to you.

Angie, you will always be my angel. I love you.

Love, Dad”

And I finally understood his gifts. They were the memories of us being together, before this nightmare happened.

I closed my eyes and gave up holding back my tears. They rolled down my cheeks with no hint of stopping. A sudden laughter pierced through my thoughts.

In my blurred vision, I looked around me and saw a middle aged man holding a young girl’s hand and leading her away from the sea. The tears flowed even faster and harder.

The sky glowed a bloody red as my tears dried. Facing the sun and the open sea, I looked up, and for an instance thought I saw my parent’s faces in the clouds.

“Mum, Dad, I love you too.”