24th March 2008
Tuesday
I think I need to stop and look at what I am doing. Evidently, my methods now are simply producing a steadily rising blood pressure, and increasingly frequent bouts of tension headaches.
What exactly is wrong?
I need a cask of chilled wine. Coupled with a weekend on a deserted island.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
20th March 2008
Friday
Fucked.
It has been a long walk since where I have begun, but everything is still fucked. Once, there was a glimpse of hope in the future. Maybe, just maybe, I could get a seat in an orchestra one day. But looking at the way things are progressing, I just get a blank in my mind. Why am I such a dreamer? Why do I have such high aspirations, but when I set out to do it, everything just decides to fuck me upside down?
Every inch of progress I make meets with additional, or recurring problems that decides to fuck me another two feets backwards. I seriously want to slit my wrists and end this pathetic mistake called my life.
I feel completely and utterly useless, worthless and hopeless.
Friday
Fucked.
It has been a long walk since where I have begun, but everything is still fucked. Once, there was a glimpse of hope in the future. Maybe, just maybe, I could get a seat in an orchestra one day. But looking at the way things are progressing, I just get a blank in my mind. Why am I such a dreamer? Why do I have such high aspirations, but when I set out to do it, everything just decides to fuck me upside down?
Every inch of progress I make meets with additional, or recurring problems that decides to fuck me another two feets backwards. I seriously want to slit my wrists and end this pathetic mistake called my life.
I feel completely and utterly useless, worthless and hopeless.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Fouler than a foul fowl.
Tuesday
24th February 2009
Status quo: SNAFU
My views on trouble still remains the same. Everything will go wrong at the same time, including rehearsals and reports.
Semester 2 has been a nightmare thus far. Excluding the usual PS workload, there is Wind band, Brass band, Trumpet choir, Choir, all spamming rehearsals without an end to it. And the pieces are not exactly 1 + 1 standard. Thank goodness trumpet choir is done, and no more practices have been scheduled for this term. At least that is a fine break to this hectic, crazy schedule that everyone has been living on for the past weeks.
While living on sugar-highs and minimal amount of sleep, it is inevitable that performance goes downhill, and irregularities in mood patterns skyrocket. And as far as I am concerned, I have not been the meekest geek that I should be. Much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm running on a fuck-it-all attitude now. That is something I ought to tackle immediately, given that my other priorities are settled and sent off to where they belong - light years away from my current location.
Concerning the alumni band, I'm not doing much, but having certain people text me, and accuse me of not sending out a reminder of the change in practice schedule, really pisses me off. I have half the mind of throwing all these admin shit to some other people, and just settle for a normal membership, instead of having to play puppet leader in an organisation where people take things for granted.
If you haven't already figured it out by now, I am utterly and thoroughly in a foul mood, and more shit from anyone might just warrant a week's worth of coal face and so much sarcasm you'd wish you could just strangle me then and there.
"That that is left behind will eventually catch up with you."
-Han Yong
24th February 2009
Status quo: SNAFU
My views on trouble still remains the same. Everything will go wrong at the same time, including rehearsals and reports.
Semester 2 has been a nightmare thus far. Excluding the usual PS workload, there is Wind band, Brass band, Trumpet choir, Choir, all spamming rehearsals without an end to it. And the pieces are not exactly 1 + 1 standard. Thank goodness trumpet choir is done, and no more practices have been scheduled for this term. At least that is a fine break to this hectic, crazy schedule that everyone has been living on for the past weeks.
While living on sugar-highs and minimal amount of sleep, it is inevitable that performance goes downhill, and irregularities in mood patterns skyrocket. And as far as I am concerned, I have not been the meekest geek that I should be. Much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm running on a fuck-it-all attitude now. That is something I ought to tackle immediately, given that my other priorities are settled and sent off to where they belong - light years away from my current location.
Concerning the alumni band, I'm not doing much, but having certain people text me, and accuse me of not sending out a reminder of the change in practice schedule, really pisses me off. I have half the mind of throwing all these admin shit to some other people, and just settle for a normal membership, instead of having to play puppet leader in an organisation where people take things for granted.
If you haven't already figured it out by now, I am utterly and thoroughly in a foul mood, and more shit from anyone might just warrant a week's worth of coal face and so much sarcasm you'd wish you could just strangle me then and there.
"That that is left behind will eventually catch up with you."
-Han Yong
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Take 5
24th January 2009
Saturday
I am halfway through my spring cleaning of my room. Almost everything is going down the chute, and the amount of junk accumulated never fails to surprise me. This year, I am tossing old cellphones(irreparable), old books, and almost all of my lecture notes from my poly days. Finally getting rid of all those crap. My table's pretty empty now, if you were wondering about it. But the overall state of the room is still quite cluttered.
The first two weeks of school is finally over. And this long weekend is much needed. But due to the sudden attack of flu bugs, this festive period has its mood greatly dampened. Hopefully, I'll recover by the time school starts, so I can get in some decent practice.
2009 is settling in. Everything's more or less up and running now. And truth be told, I'm extremely excited about the new year. With all the planned events and the yet to be discovered potential of the new year, I feel that everything is picking up rather quickly.
Oh and if I haven't got my dates wrong, Krissy is returning from the Maldives today. Exciting! Looking forward to another dive soon.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Mountains.
6th January 2009
Tuesday
Wonders of the natural world
My routine has been thorougly trashed due to my inconsistency. And it is the last week of holidays before semester two starts. Two concerts right before school starts - NAFA brass band + Justbrass on Saturday and Ngee Ann Polytechnic Band on Sunday. I have a bad feeling about these concerts though. Hope it turns out fine.
Lots of weird dreams recently, and also a couple of unfounded apprehensions about this new year. I just realised I typed 2008 instead of 2009 for the date of this post.
Anyway, what about mountains? I was listening to Eine Alpensinfonie by Richard Strauss and the sheer intensity of the piece is just beautiful.
Maybe one day I will scale the alps and see for myself what lies at the summit.
"When you're at the foot of the mountain, the natural instinct is to look up. Where do you look when you're at the summit?"
-Han Yong
Tuesday
Wonders of the natural world
My routine has been thorougly trashed due to my inconsistency. And it is the last week of holidays before semester two starts. Two concerts right before school starts - NAFA brass band + Justbrass on Saturday and Ngee Ann Polytechnic Band on Sunday. I have a bad feeling about these concerts though. Hope it turns out fine.
Lots of weird dreams recently, and also a couple of unfounded apprehensions about this new year. I just realised I typed 2008 instead of 2009 for the date of this post.
Anyway, what about mountains? I was listening to Eine Alpensinfonie by Richard Strauss and the sheer intensity of the piece is just beautiful.
Maybe one day I will scale the alps and see for myself what lies at the summit.
"When you're at the foot of the mountain, the natural instinct is to look up. Where do you look when you're at the summit?"
-Han Yong
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Hello, Goodbye.
31st December 2008
Wednesday
You say goodbye and I say hello
Every now and then I sit around and look at life pass me by. Then the fact that time is flowing by quickly as well hits me and I start panicking. But such periods of reflection are inarguably beneficial for oneself. Or so I say.
2008 has slipped by, rather quietly, though not that smoothly. Every single event in 2008 left a notch in my soul and, hopefully, stay vivid in my memory. Things only happen once and memories then to fade away pretty quickly.
For now, the most vivid moment in 2008 stays sharp, and looks seemingly like a cross-processed film. Other significant events are stored away, locked in the depths of my memories where I sometimes pull out and relive the moments second for second. One thing I have learnt to do, though not that good at it, is to record videos in my memory and playback as and when I want to. Such as the "Space Shot" ride during my Genting trip.
Much of the things I set off to accomplish during this year has either failed miserably, or I have not gotten anywhere near it at all. Who do I have to blame? Evidently, not enough effort and commitment was put into everything. This is one point to improve on in the coming year.
Consistency is another issue to be addressed. With half the time failing to do what I want to do, and the other half not knowing what to do, I really do have a lot to consider and amend. Life has been pretty docile for me and that might change anytime. I really cannot wait till the last moment before slamming the emergency button and hoping for things to get better.
Hopefully, 2009 will be much less of a roller coaster ride, and more of a constant trek up to the mountain summit.
Wednesday
You say goodbye and I say hello
Every now and then I sit around and look at life pass me by. Then the fact that time is flowing by quickly as well hits me and I start panicking. But such periods of reflection are inarguably beneficial for oneself. Or so I say.
2008 has slipped by, rather quietly, though not that smoothly. Every single event in 2008 left a notch in my soul and, hopefully, stay vivid in my memory. Things only happen once and memories then to fade away pretty quickly.
For now, the most vivid moment in 2008 stays sharp, and looks seemingly like a cross-processed film. Other significant events are stored away, locked in the depths of my memories where I sometimes pull out and relive the moments second for second. One thing I have learnt to do, though not that good at it, is to record videos in my memory and playback as and when I want to. Such as the "Space Shot" ride during my Genting trip.
Much of the things I set off to accomplish during this year has either failed miserably, or I have not gotten anywhere near it at all. Who do I have to blame? Evidently, not enough effort and commitment was put into everything. This is one point to improve on in the coming year.
Consistency is another issue to be addressed. With half the time failing to do what I want to do, and the other half not knowing what to do, I really do have a lot to consider and amend. Life has been pretty docile for me and that might change anytime. I really cannot wait till the last moment before slamming the emergency button and hoping for things to get better.
Hopefully, 2009 will be much less of a roller coaster ride, and more of a constant trek up to the mountain summit.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Lonely Christmas
25th December 2008
Thursday
Where's the magic?
For me, Christmas has sort of lost its magic. What else to expect other than frustration and loneliness from every aspect of life?
The day passed by like every other weekend. The main difference lies in the fact that you have to act cheerful and keep a smile on your face when you meet friends and wish them a merry Christmas. Or even when typing out a post in the blog.
I have had many posts whining about having to act in life, so no more about that, though I would very much like to go on about having to act like someone I am not.
But this Christmas is really pretty awful for me even if it does not show.
Last Christmas, I have zero ideas on how I spent it. The only evidence left over from my blog entries, which as usual, do not contain a summary of the day, shows that I was pretty much whining about everything. Almost like what I am doing now.
At the end of the day, it simply shows that I am not a Christmas person. Well, what would you expect me to say? That I love Christmas, and it just happens to be a slow season this year and next year will be a bomb? It would be nothing more than a string of lies if I said that.
This Christmas, I spent bulk of the day in Azeroth (World of Warcraft), and in the practice studio. The evening was completely taken up by games, first in the school's computer lab, then the LAN shop at Parklane. How exciting can it be? At least it beats moping around at home over some spilt milk.
Thus ends my Christmas post. I hereby wish all readers a blessed festive season.
"Christmas is always a reminder, for those suffering, that life will never be fair with the selfishness in Man. Of course, that is if you have already put in the effort into improving yourself."
-Han Yong
Thursday
Where's the magic?
For me, Christmas has sort of lost its magic. What else to expect other than frustration and loneliness from every aspect of life?
The day passed by like every other weekend. The main difference lies in the fact that you have to act cheerful and keep a smile on your face when you meet friends and wish them a merry Christmas. Or even when typing out a post in the blog.
I have had many posts whining about having to act in life, so no more about that, though I would very much like to go on about having to act like someone I am not.
But this Christmas is really pretty awful for me even if it does not show.
Last Christmas, I have zero ideas on how I spent it. The only evidence left over from my blog entries, which as usual, do not contain a summary of the day, shows that I was pretty much whining about everything. Almost like what I am doing now.
At the end of the day, it simply shows that I am not a Christmas person. Well, what would you expect me to say? That I love Christmas, and it just happens to be a slow season this year and next year will be a bomb? It would be nothing more than a string of lies if I said that.
This Christmas, I spent bulk of the day in Azeroth (World of Warcraft), and in the practice studio. The evening was completely taken up by games, first in the school's computer lab, then the LAN shop at Parklane. How exciting can it be? At least it beats moping around at home over some spilt milk.
Thus ends my Christmas post. I hereby wish all readers a blessed festive season.
"Christmas is always a reminder, for those suffering, that life will never be fair with the selfishness in Man. Of course, that is if you have already put in the effort into improving yourself."
-Han Yong
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