Reflections

10th June 2009
Wednesday
Reflections from the water will reveal the truth

I sort of lost control over myself today. I got emotional over my results, and a couple of memories that were invoked by certain words. I know the current predicament I am in was brought upon by myself, and I only have myself to blame.

Liquor can't soothe the burns that has already occurred, and beer can't drown out all my frustrations. If I lived in a perfect world, I won't have to worry about the past, about results, about the future, and about the trumpet. But reality never fails to defy my imagined world. With not a single item flowing smooth, it really is a wonder why I keep persisting.

I've had enough of hiding behind excuses. I've had enough of people telling me that I am extremely fortunate to be doing what I love. I've had enough of people dusting me off like I am some worthless thing. I've had enough of being constantly compared to someone, and being looked at in disgust.

I am 20. I am a second year student in NAFA. I play the trumpet at a secondary 2 standard. I am doing badly at my studies. I can't juggle studies and my personal life. I have no idea where my future will lead to.

But fuck that shit.

I am sorry if this post is extremely self-indulgent, but this is about me, and it's all going to be about me from now on.