28th November 2007
Wednesday
'You're not the only one with issues!'
Sure enough, another obstacle runs right into my path, like an angry bull, trying to chase me down and put a hole or two in my gut. By now, I should have enough experiences with obstacles right? Afterall, my life is one hurdles event; obstacles one after another, trying to throw me down onto the floor.
Turning around, I see a path strewn with the remnants of previous hurdles. I see forks that led to some place else. Strangly, those forked paths seemed undisturbed; as though time itself was frozen there. On the main path, a trail of debris ran behind me. My past was in turmoil, just as I had expected it. Straight ahead, the road was bare, with more forks leading to different places. Somehow, this scene reminded me of a river's distributaries.
How many of us has this problem of a turbulent history of failures; a history of wrong choices? Refer back to the video 'Tickle me Emo' on Youtube where the small boy cries out, "you're not the only one with issues!"
What do you hear in the background? Laughter. Like I mentioned in my previous post about laughter, sometimes people just prefer to laugh off any insecurities rather than facing them upfront. We all make mistakes. But we never own up to them willingly. Even as a thief confesses to his crime, it is also a compelled choice made by the forces of guilt within him.
Freedom of choice is never really free. Life is not liberal. You have no say over the course of actions you take and the course of actions that others take against you. You will indefinitely be affected by many factors, physical and psychological alike. So what is freedom of choice really?
Up to this point, I realised that I have strayed from my original topic on coping with issues. Everyone has issues. At different stages of our life, our issues will be different. A pre-school kid has issues that might seem insignificant to a working adult. A retired civil servant might face issues which seems ridiculous to teenagers. Dealing with issues is a personal thing.
Not many people can cope with their issues, be it family problems, relationships, career, studies, whatever. I can't deal with mine effectively. As a reaction to this issues that I face, subconciously, I seek ways to evade and hide from them. But what I do understand is that issues have to be resolved and decisions have to be made.
Recently, I have become pretty selfish because of my issues. And irresponsible too. Somehow, I hope everything will just end on a pleasant chord.
"You can't live life as freely as what you might like to believe"
-Han Yong
P.S. I think my blog is a depressing place to visit.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Etiquette
25th November 2007
Sunday
Useless? Or simply used less?
Just now during dinner, my mum mentioned about the way I was using my spoon and fork and said something about it being wrong. Then she dragged my dining etiquette courses from 3 years ago into the picture. "You went for the course, never learn meh?"
Sure, I learnt about all these stuff. But who actually uses it? 'Scoop the soup outwards gently on the surface for western dining, inwards for chinese.' 'Sit straight and bring the food to you, not lean towards the food.' 'Chew with mouth closed.' 'Pass sauces to your right.'
We all know about it. Yet who in the right mind will apply it in real life? In modern day Singapore, if you eat politely in a 'correct' manner at a coffeeshop, my best guess would be people staring at you with weird looks. And I do mean weird looks.
Why are we learning about etiquette then? The way I see it, it is to prepare you for weird events in your life. Like an interview dinner. Or maybe a $50,000 a seat gala dinner. How often will we experience that? Maybe once in two lifetimes. And when it really does happen, how much will we be able to recall from our short 4 hour course from fifteen years back?
Okay. So it might be useful. Who came up with this crap anyway? The joy of eating comes from the taste of the food, and the knowledge that you will be alive for another day. Not from how well you look and how silently you can cut up that piece of medium-rare steak on your dining plate. If you are going to have good food, why crack your head over the procedures in looking good for others?
"That which is used less might not be useless."
-Han Yong
Sunday
Useless? Or simply used less?
Just now during dinner, my mum mentioned about the way I was using my spoon and fork and said something about it being wrong. Then she dragged my dining etiquette courses from 3 years ago into the picture. "You went for the course, never learn meh?"
Sure, I learnt about all these stuff. But who actually uses it? 'Scoop the soup outwards gently on the surface for western dining, inwards for chinese.' 'Sit straight and bring the food to you, not lean towards the food.' 'Chew with mouth closed.' 'Pass sauces to your right.'
We all know about it. Yet who in the right mind will apply it in real life? In modern day Singapore, if you eat politely in a 'correct' manner at a coffeeshop, my best guess would be people staring at you with weird looks. And I do mean weird looks.
Why are we learning about etiquette then? The way I see it, it is to prepare you for weird events in your life. Like an interview dinner. Or maybe a $50,000 a seat gala dinner. How often will we experience that? Maybe once in two lifetimes. And when it really does happen, how much will we be able to recall from our short 4 hour course from fifteen years back?
Okay. So it might be useful. Who came up with this crap anyway? The joy of eating comes from the taste of the food, and the knowledge that you will be alive for another day. Not from how well you look and how silently you can cut up that piece of medium-rare steak on your dining plate. If you are going to have good food, why crack your head over the procedures in looking good for others?
"That which is used less might not be useless."
-Han Yong
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Life is tough
22nd November 2007
Thursday
Life is tough
Shoot me for saying that line. Life is tough and we all know it. No matter how we try to evade that fact, we know it deep down that it is true. We can delude ourselves and live in the present, feigning ignorance of the future. We can tell ourselves that the boat will eventually be straight when reaching the pier. But in our hearts, we know the truth.
How many of us has wondered what life would be like 5 years down the road? Will we have a bearing already, or will we be lost among the other 50,000 fresh graduates searching for a job? If we truly sit down and start planning a future for ourselves, I think it is logical to be paranoid. With increased competition for jobs and limited opportunities, I see only a hazy image of the future.
"Leave it for tomorrow. Study hard for now and you will get a good job in the future." Sounds familiar? Well, study hard and get what job? If everyone is living by that line, will there be enough jobs for everyone assuming that they all study hard?
"Doing what you love might be tougher than doing what you hate."
-Han Yong
Thursday
Life is tough
Shoot me for saying that line. Life is tough and we all know it. No matter how we try to evade that fact, we know it deep down that it is true. We can delude ourselves and live in the present, feigning ignorance of the future. We can tell ourselves that the boat will eventually be straight when reaching the pier. But in our hearts, we know the truth.
How many of us has wondered what life would be like 5 years down the road? Will we have a bearing already, or will we be lost among the other 50,000 fresh graduates searching for a job? If we truly sit down and start planning a future for ourselves, I think it is logical to be paranoid. With increased competition for jobs and limited opportunities, I see only a hazy image of the future.
"Leave it for tomorrow. Study hard for now and you will get a good job in the future." Sounds familiar? Well, study hard and get what job? If everyone is living by that line, will there be enough jobs for everyone assuming that they all study hard?
"Doing what you love might be tougher than doing what you hate."
-Han Yong
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Blogging as a therapy
20th November 2007
Tuesday
Self help?
Blogging has been around for a few years now. And somehow, blogs usually outlast the blogger. When the blogging bug hit the net a couple of years back, everyone was scrambling for the nearest blog provider, dying to create a online platform for themself. It was more of a 'keeping up with fashion' thing at that time.
But as time goes by, the craze dies off. And the blog that was once so regularly updated now resides in a address that no one visits anymore. The traffic counter that used to jump once every few minutes stay stagnant at 2093. Still, some blogs managed to survive the beatings of time and their owners always returned after a period of neglect.
After a short period of not blogging, I am finally back. During my absence, much has happened. Band camps, friends admitted to hospital, grocery shopping. My life has been in a totally random mood. Nothing like a roller coaster. More like a hurricane. My brain juice is really running dry these days. Nothing seems to come to mind when I pick up the pen, or when I set my fingers on the keyboard.
Anyone want to cook pasta with me?
Tuesday
Self help?
Blogging has been around for a few years now. And somehow, blogs usually outlast the blogger. When the blogging bug hit the net a couple of years back, everyone was scrambling for the nearest blog provider, dying to create a online platform for themself. It was more of a 'keeping up with fashion' thing at that time.
But as time goes by, the craze dies off. And the blog that was once so regularly updated now resides in a address that no one visits anymore. The traffic counter that used to jump once every few minutes stay stagnant at 2093. Still, some blogs managed to survive the beatings of time and their owners always returned after a period of neglect.
After a short period of not blogging, I am finally back. During my absence, much has happened. Band camps, friends admitted to hospital, grocery shopping. My life has been in a totally random mood. Nothing like a roller coaster. More like a hurricane. My brain juice is really running dry these days. Nothing seems to come to mind when I pick up the pen, or when I set my fingers on the keyboard.
Anyone want to cook pasta with me?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Love, Life and Logic
14th November 2007
Tuesday
Love, Life and Logic
The air-conditioning unit whirled noisily. The only few sounds present in my room came from my father's friend who is staying over for the night. The sound of fabric rubbing against fabric. The ruffling of hair and the occasional clearing of throat. The rapid tapping of the keys on the keyboard disrupted what was left of the still night. Yet, the street is quiet. Not a single vehicle drives by.
In the calmness of the night, the gears of logic grinded noisily in my head. Friction between multiple forces made me wince in pain. The more I thought about it, the more I am certain that certain factors in my life is in conflict. The simplicity of the wicked problem blinds me even in the inky depths of my memory. Will one solution simply lead into another problem?
I believe that a complete life is made up of 3 portions. Love, Life and Logic.
Love represents passion. For a person, for an object, for a place, for an activity. It can be anything. Love encompasses all beings and resides within all. If this element is missing, you can be said to be living life without a goal.
Life represents social circles. Remember how people used to mock others for having 'no life' if the only thing they did was studying? That is the definition of life. Life represents the social circles of people around you and the fair portioning of time for multiple activities. Like a chain, one link is related to another. Thus, if one link is much bigger than another, the chain is cannot be formed properly. Life is one such chain.
Lastly, logic is the factor that gives an individual its individuality. Logic is defined as the understanding of reason. Logic gives us thinking capabilities and provides us with a platform for organising coherent thoughts.
And currently, my life is in conflict with my love, and my logic in a lock. How will I place my priorities? Now I finally understand how Ivanhoe felt. Loyalty or love? How could he make such a decision?
"Love, Life, and Logic exists in one big triangle. "
-Han Yong
Tuesday
Love, Life and Logic
The air-conditioning unit whirled noisily. The only few sounds present in my room came from my father's friend who is staying over for the night. The sound of fabric rubbing against fabric. The ruffling of hair and the occasional clearing of throat. The rapid tapping of the keys on the keyboard disrupted what was left of the still night. Yet, the street is quiet. Not a single vehicle drives by.
In the calmness of the night, the gears of logic grinded noisily in my head. Friction between multiple forces made me wince in pain. The more I thought about it, the more I am certain that certain factors in my life is in conflict. The simplicity of the wicked problem blinds me even in the inky depths of my memory. Will one solution simply lead into another problem?
I believe that a complete life is made up of 3 portions. Love, Life and Logic.
Love represents passion. For a person, for an object, for a place, for an activity. It can be anything. Love encompasses all beings and resides within all. If this element is missing, you can be said to be living life without a goal.
Life represents social circles. Remember how people used to mock others for having 'no life' if the only thing they did was studying? That is the definition of life. Life represents the social circles of people around you and the fair portioning of time for multiple activities. Like a chain, one link is related to another. Thus, if one link is much bigger than another, the chain is cannot be formed properly. Life is one such chain.
Lastly, logic is the factor that gives an individual its individuality. Logic is defined as the understanding of reason. Logic gives us thinking capabilities and provides us with a platform for organising coherent thoughts.
And currently, my life is in conflict with my love, and my logic in a lock. How will I place my priorities? Now I finally understand how Ivanhoe felt. Loyalty or love? How could he make such a decision?
"Love, Life, and Logic exists in one big triangle. "
-Han Yong
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Uncertain laughters
8th November 2007
Wednesday
Uncertain laughters
The blanket was a foot too short to cover from toe to chin. I decided to compensate by curling into a half foetal position with my body snuggly huddled under the blankets. Around me were my friends. The room was dark, and the sole television set was playing a movie that had been rented an hour ago. The silence was broken by another bout of laughter as I twisted the conversations in the movie into something else other than the intended meaning.
It felt good to have laughters around. Laughters eased tension and masked awkwardness with a light hearted feel. How friendships can be forged through jokes and ridicules baffle me. By building on an uncertainty with a fake composure, how can a firm relationship be established?
It is always easier to laugh it off than to face the truth. How will one react to a satire? Laugh it off and fail to read the underlying statement or take it as an insult? Laughing off things is a way to avoid responsibilities and appear to be treating a subject half as seriously as it should be properly treated.
Jokes are often one sided; the teller usually giving up his own ego to entertain and humour the audience. Much as we like to hear jokes, we dislike telling them. Joking has become an act frowned upon by many. Despite the demeaning glares cast by the people around the 'jokers', these 'jokers' still carry on having themself as a source of entertainment, or to some, a disturbance.
Even the term 'Joker' is now widely taken to mean someone who tries to be funny. What else should a person who cracks jokes be called? A joke-cracker? That sounds more like a type of cracker to me.
Wednesday
Uncertain laughters
The blanket was a foot too short to cover from toe to chin. I decided to compensate by curling into a half foetal position with my body snuggly huddled under the blankets. Around me were my friends. The room was dark, and the sole television set was playing a movie that had been rented an hour ago. The silence was broken by another bout of laughter as I twisted the conversations in the movie into something else other than the intended meaning.
It felt good to have laughters around. Laughters eased tension and masked awkwardness with a light hearted feel. How friendships can be forged through jokes and ridicules baffle me. By building on an uncertainty with a fake composure, how can a firm relationship be established?
It is always easier to laugh it off than to face the truth. How will one react to a satire? Laugh it off and fail to read the underlying statement or take it as an insult? Laughing off things is a way to avoid responsibilities and appear to be treating a subject half as seriously as it should be properly treated.
Jokes are often one sided; the teller usually giving up his own ego to entertain and humour the audience. Much as we like to hear jokes, we dislike telling them. Joking has become an act frowned upon by many. Despite the demeaning glares cast by the people around the 'jokers', these 'jokers' still carry on having themself as a source of entertainment, or to some, a disturbance.
Even the term 'Joker' is now widely taken to mean someone who tries to be funny. What else should a person who cracks jokes be called? A joke-cracker? That sounds more like a type of cracker to me.
Monday, November 05, 2007
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. | |
| Musician | |
| Gamer/Computer Nerd | |
| Artistic Nerd | |
| Science/Math Nerd | |
| Social Nerd | |
| Anime Nerd | |
| Drama Nerd | |
| What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace | |
Literature nerd? Wow. Literature sounds nice. Nerd sounds weird.
Anyway, I managed to install Symantec Antivirus and Microsoft Office already. My laptop was affected by a trojan and I had to format it to get rid of the trojan. Alas, all my programs were gone and I had to drop by the school's IT helpdesk to get my stuff back.
Life's been pretty rough and I can't help but worry about my future. At this juncture in time, all seems bleak.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
No man is a sea
5th November 2007
Sunday
No man is a sea
No man is a sea. What does that mean? I am sure most of you have heard the phrase "no man is an island" which means that Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. But then again, if you try too hard to encompass everyone, you will only end up hurting yourself. Especially if you hold too high an expectation for yourself. If you must accomodate everyone around you, you only end up stretching yourself too far.
I am supposed to be practicing now. But with my dear niece sleeping in the living room, how can I practice without risking waking her up? Thus I forgo my afternoon practice. Will I end up hurting myself for trying to give in to too many people? In the morning, I refrain from practicing because my brother is sleeping. In the afternoon, its my niece. I wonder who's next.
Somehow the conflict of being considerate and over encompassing never fails to draw me into the crossfire. Will I sacrifice my practices for the people around me? Or should I sacrifice the people around me for my practices?
"It hurts so badly when you fail to live up to your expectations."
-Han Yong
Sunday
No man is a sea
No man is a sea. What does that mean? I am sure most of you have heard the phrase "no man is an island" which means that Human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. But then again, if you try too hard to encompass everyone, you will only end up hurting yourself. Especially if you hold too high an expectation for yourself. If you must accomodate everyone around you, you only end up stretching yourself too far.
I am supposed to be practicing now. But with my dear niece sleeping in the living room, how can I practice without risking waking her up? Thus I forgo my afternoon practice. Will I end up hurting myself for trying to give in to too many people? In the morning, I refrain from practicing because my brother is sleeping. In the afternoon, its my niece. I wonder who's next.
Somehow the conflict of being considerate and over encompassing never fails to draw me into the crossfire. Will I sacrifice my practices for the people around me? Or should I sacrifice the people around me for my practices?
"It hurts so badly when you fail to live up to your expectations."
-Han Yong
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Pride of writing: My studio of thoughts
1st November 2007
Thursday
Pride of writing
Some of you might have noticed that I have changed my blog title to Studio of Thoughts. This might be due to a change in thinking. Since I started writing, I have always taken my blog as a platform for people to find out about my life. But how many people actually care about what I was doing at x.xxpm on the xxth of September, 200x? I think watching a snail crawl across the path is more interesting. After 4 years of blogging, and having various conflicts within my blog, I realise that what kept me going was showcasing my thoughts. Not my daily tasks.
Showcase. Or in simplified terms, showing off. I believe we are born with brains and a personality. How we choose to use our brains are decided by our personality. I used to be afraid of the people around me. I feared they might use whatever information they could find about me against me. So, my blog posts were heavily censored to block out any personal information and delivering only content which I deemed to be objective.
However, I understand that nobody is interested in my life. Simply because they have no motive to be. Now I blog with less censorships, less restrictions, random topics, and delivering subjective content. I am much more confident about my personality as compared to 4 years ago when I first started. Now I blog with the belief that a diary records thoughts. Not about how many slices of bread you had at Cafe Cartel, or how many servings of steaks you ate.
You might or might not agree with my posts. But that doesn't matter. This is a haven for my thoughts. A sample of my school of philosophy. It doesn't matter if no one reads this (although it is always encouraging to know that you have loyal readers.) And it doesn't matter if no one cares about what goes on in my head (no one cares anyway.)
Am I being seen as arrogant now? Well, I don't know. There is always a tension between preserving your public image and conserving your philosophical identity. What I simply want to do with this platform is to be true to my thoughts and deliver them in its rawest form to the reader.
I enjoy the art of writing. But perhaps I enjoy the art of thinking even more.
Maybe that explains why I am always seeking a good debate over issues that commands different ideas from people. In a way, you get to think critically and force yourself to adopt multiple perspectives of an issue that you thought only possible in one. Also, if it is a forum debate, you get to exercise your language skills as well.
Writing is the link between the writer and the reader's soul. Whilst delivering information to the reader, a writer can effectively stir up emotions and memories in the reader. And the reader can in turn give their gratitude by replying to the writer.
Lately, I have been seeing more than just a handful of friends getting 'emo'. It may be over work related stuff, relationships, friends, hobbies, academics, or other commitments. It reminds me that when being emo affects the people around you. There is no cure for being emotionally vulnerable. But having a strong self confidence greatly helps in staying sane.
Read this for tips on building self confidence.
And this for a really cool version of wikipedia.
"No man is a sea."
-Han Yong
Thursday
Pride of writing
Some of you might have noticed that I have changed my blog title to Studio of Thoughts. This might be due to a change in thinking. Since I started writing, I have always taken my blog as a platform for people to find out about my life. But how many people actually care about what I was doing at x.xxpm on the xxth of September, 200x? I think watching a snail crawl across the path is more interesting. After 4 years of blogging, and having various conflicts within my blog, I realise that what kept me going was showcasing my thoughts. Not my daily tasks.
Showcase. Or in simplified terms, showing off. I believe we are born with brains and a personality. How we choose to use our brains are decided by our personality. I used to be afraid of the people around me. I feared they might use whatever information they could find about me against me. So, my blog posts were heavily censored to block out any personal information and delivering only content which I deemed to be objective.
However, I understand that nobody is interested in my life. Simply because they have no motive to be. Now I blog with less censorships, less restrictions, random topics, and delivering subjective content. I am much more confident about my personality as compared to 4 years ago when I first started. Now I blog with the belief that a diary records thoughts. Not about how many slices of bread you had at Cafe Cartel, or how many servings of steaks you ate.
You might or might not agree with my posts. But that doesn't matter. This is a haven for my thoughts. A sample of my school of philosophy. It doesn't matter if no one reads this (although it is always encouraging to know that you have loyal readers.) And it doesn't matter if no one cares about what goes on in my head (no one cares anyway.)
Am I being seen as arrogant now? Well, I don't know. There is always a tension between preserving your public image and conserving your philosophical identity. What I simply want to do with this platform is to be true to my thoughts and deliver them in its rawest form to the reader.
I enjoy the art of writing. But perhaps I enjoy the art of thinking even more.
Maybe that explains why I am always seeking a good debate over issues that commands different ideas from people. In a way, you get to think critically and force yourself to adopt multiple perspectives of an issue that you thought only possible in one. Also, if it is a forum debate, you get to exercise your language skills as well.
Writing is the link between the writer and the reader's soul. Whilst delivering information to the reader, a writer can effectively stir up emotions and memories in the reader. And the reader can in turn give their gratitude by replying to the writer.
Lately, I have been seeing more than just a handful of friends getting 'emo'. It may be over work related stuff, relationships, friends, hobbies, academics, or other commitments. It reminds me that when being emo affects the people around you. There is no cure for being emotionally vulnerable. But having a strong self confidence greatly helps in staying sane.
Read this for tips on building self confidence.
And this for a really cool version of wikipedia.
"No man is a sea."
-Han Yong
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