Well, audition is over. And I would like everyone to stop asking me not to be saD!!!!!!! because I am NOT SAD.

How come when someone fails something, the first reaction that comes to the mind of others is consoling that person. Who said failing is a sad thing?

For me, failing is ok. Failing is good. At least I can learn from my mistakes and know where to improve on.

Today went to PhilYouth practice. SIght read Phatom of the Opera and Les Miserables. Had sectionals on Les Miserables. Screwed up the numerous sharps and flats. Ugh.

And its 6 more days to Audition. I STILL HAVE NOT PRACTICED THE SCALES!!! And pieces too. But well, the pieces should be ok.

Saturday totally rawkz.

Went to school for chinese in the morning. Got my paper 2 marks. 33.5 / 80 . Nice.

Went to Orchard to meet Wenjie after that. Left my bag and stuff in the band store though. We went to watch Kingdom Of Heaven. I found it really nice. Shows how stupid humans can be. Also shows how loyal and brave one can be.

Then we went walking around orchard looking for the bus-stop where Wenjie can take his bus 171 to NJ and I can take my 190 to RGS to catch the magic show. We walked from Cine towards Wisma and all the way up till I don't know where. Then we did a couple of turns and walked till a place that looks like Holland V. Then continue our loong walk and ended up back behind Wisma. UGh. Then finally found the bus stop directly outside Orchard MRT. How fun. We did one big round around Orchard. Ugh.

Well, I reached RGS and Ren Hui came out to bring me to the auditorium. It was still pretty early at around 6pm. The show starts at 7pm. Watched Edwin, Mac, Justin, Zilin, Wenyi and Ren Hui messing around with lame stuff. Then they were eating pizza. I've lost appetite from the long "march" to the bus-stop. So I didn't eat. Haha. Then I found out that the magicians - Edwin, Mac and Justin have not rehearsed their routines. Wow. And guests were already arriving.

The show went on smoothly. The 7pm show was more of a warm up. The audiences were not very lively though. The next show started at around 8.30pm. Had a row of female hecklers! (what the?!) Haha. This time things were generally more lively and there were plenty of interaction between magicians and audience.

And I stayed for both shows. Wow.

After the shows, we went to Orchard MRT together. We boarded bus no. 132. Being the same blur me, I thought we were on 190 and wanted to stay on board the bus after the gang dropped off at Far East. Ugh. Utter loss of face.

Then I went Seng Kang to meet Clement and Siyang and we well, saw Siyang home. Then I and Clement went to a table at the void deck and played with fire.

Nothing much after that. Ran home in the rain and Clement caught a cab.

All fired up and ready for action!

21st May will be the day where I finally know where I stand. 21st May will be the day where I am judged. 21st May will not be a repeat of the Philyouth auditions. 21st May will not be another incidence of the trumpet practical examination. 21st May will be a boost to my music experience. 21st May.

Whether I'm in or out doesn't matter. Or so I say. What counts is the experience. To know that I have tried my best. Failure is an option. But it will not be my option of choice. But if I do fail, I will fail with no regrets. What is most rewarding is not the admission to SYWO or the lost of "face" of not getting in. What is most rewarding is the priceless experience and knowledge that this exposure gives.

With this bait dangling right in front of me, I'm going for it.

Fading away. The old me is fading away. Where has the dumb idiotic joker gone to? When I needed you most, you weren't there. You left me to fight this battle alone. I need you. I can't win this battle with only half of me.

Guess I can't carry a facade permanently. Don't blame me if I close up. That was whats behind the joker all along.

I'm just plain irritating. I knew it right from the start.

Ok. I went for Philyouth practice just now. After half a month of not touching my trumpet, I almost couldn't play! Ah!! It seriously freaked me out. I think I've lost my embouchure too. Got to find it back before the recording and before the audition.. Sianz..

I've decided to go for it. Whether I get in or not doesn't matter. Hope Ray goes for the SYWO audition too. Then the 3 trumpeters from Xinmin will go for the audition together! Yeah!